![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
San Francisco Zoo, Lombard St.
Apr. 3rd, 2011 06:30 pmToday I was worried because we had to take a bus and then the subway and I was worried about transitioning. I also often can't understand the driver over the intercom and we did almost miss our stop coming back from the zoo. Michael also lost his directions and had to search for them in the subway station, but he found it. We went to the San Francisco Zoo today and spent several hours there. We didn't buy anything, due to the costs. It was really nice to see the mother koala holding her baby:-) I don't know if I've ever seen a koala in-person before. We took tons of pictures and I will post them to Facebook/here after we return home. I was quite cold earlier today, though I was warm on the trip home. We got off the bus a bit early to walk to the pizza place Michael had food from Friday that I really wanted. I had two slices and felt very full and had some stomach cramping walking around after that:P We then walked up Lombard Street and took pictures from there (it's very high up and a great view). Then we walked back to the hotel, where I am now. I've been eating watermelon and pineapple. Michael walked to a nearby pizza restaurant to order himself a pizza (he's obsessed with pizza).
Tonight we're going to walk along the wharf and take pictures of everything lit up for night. Michael saw it last night when he went back out to Walgreens and I didn't see it. We also forgot to bring the camera when we walked the wharf yesterday early evening, so tomorrow we'll take some pictures of that during the day and go to the aquarium. Because of how crowded the buses get in the late afternoon and the gum chewing making Michael need to listen to his mp3 player (due to his OCD) I'm going to ask my mother if we can take a taxi back to the airport tomorrow. Public transportation went pretty well here, but we've almost missed stops and we will probably be on the public transportation around the time people are getting off work tomorrow and that sounds way too stressful.
Overall, today has been good:-) I've been a lot less obsessive (just worrying about the public transportation stuff). I'm not having my people obsessions at all! I think it's due to the change of scenery, because even when I kept busy socializing or volunteering I would still have bad obsessions back home. The best place for me back home is my mother's boyfriend's house.
Tonight we're going to walk along the wharf and take pictures of everything lit up for night. Michael saw it last night when he went back out to Walgreens and I didn't see it. We also forgot to bring the camera when we walked the wharf yesterday early evening, so tomorrow we'll take some pictures of that during the day and go to the aquarium. Because of how crowded the buses get in the late afternoon and the gum chewing making Michael need to listen to his mp3 player (due to his OCD) I'm going to ask my mother if we can take a taxi back to the airport tomorrow. Public transportation went pretty well here, but we've almost missed stops and we will probably be on the public transportation around the time people are getting off work tomorrow and that sounds way too stressful.
Overall, today has been good:-) I've been a lot less obsessive (just worrying about the public transportation stuff). I'm not having my people obsessions at all! I think it's due to the change of scenery, because even when I kept busy socializing or volunteering I would still have bad obsessions back home. The best place for me back home is my mother's boyfriend's house.
Psyche's Seeds -- Overinvolvement
Feb. 28th, 2011 04:40 pmThis describes my habit of overinvolvement with people well:
"Some of us are better at involving, or identifying. We know how to dive in deeply and experience life. We are capable of intimacy and do not avoid feeling states. This way of loving can be very fulfilling, but it has its drawbacks. We can get trapped in some dreadful melodramas or obsessive emotional preoccupations and not know how to get free. Living in drama can become an addiction. When this happens, we don't feel alive unless some crisis is going on. If we run out of personal dramas, we even take on others' problems as if they were our own! If this is your lesson, you may feel as if you're caught in an endless string of crises, unable to distinguish between what belongs to you and what you should allow to pass by."
-pg. 163, Psyche's Seeds
"Some of us are better at involving, or identifying. We know how to dive in deeply and experience life. We are capable of intimacy and do not avoid feeling states. This way of loving can be very fulfilling, but it has its drawbacks. We can get trapped in some dreadful melodramas or obsessive emotional preoccupations and not know how to get free. Living in drama can become an addiction. When this happens, we don't feel alive unless some crisis is going on. If we run out of personal dramas, we even take on others' problems as if they were our own! If this is your lesson, you may feel as if you're caught in an endless string of crises, unable to distinguish between what belongs to you and what you should allow to pass by."
-pg. 163, Psyche's Seeds
Today Michael and I met with a woman from the church for our new membership interviews. Caribou Coffee was super crowded, which I didn't expect at 2pm on a Friday. We had to wait to find a parking spot, though we did get a table when we went inside. Michael's OCD was bothered by people there using their computers, but he stuck it out, which is good for him (challenging his OCD with exposure to his obsessions). The coffee made me really nauseated, unfortunately. I took a Zofran back in the car before we left.
The interview went well, I think, but it's always awkward for me to explain I never finished school and can't work or go to school. I do art and writing, but it's a lot harder to make money from those than a lot of people think. Some people do get lucky or get some connections through their college/university, etc. but I do not make money off my writing or art. The woman (Rose) suggested I try to write a memoir about my youth and bizarre family situation, but I've already proposed that to agents to no avail. I thought I had nothing to say about myself and I feel like I've done nothing with my life, but I kept thinking up things I had done (an internship with the Smithsonian, teaching English to Burmese refugees, etc.) and Rose seemed to think it was a lot. When Amber and I were still in college our art history professor told Amber it was amazing how much I had done for my age, which sounded weird to me then. Certainly the past few years I have been mostly introverted and focused on myself, so I feel even less accomplished now. Hopefully as my mental state improves I will start doing more and more again, though, but without overloading myself. Even volunteering my mother thinks I should wait on until I'm consistently feeling better. Also it would help if I could drive...
I think a lot of the obsessions I develop when I'm stressed and not doing well mentally may be related to my inferior extroverted sensing. My body image is worse and more obsessive, I develop disordered eating, I obsess about being clean, went through a period of obsessive teeth brushing, sometimes obsessively exercise, etc. I use extroverted sensing in a rather unhealthy and compulsive way to try and control my environment when I feel internally out of control. I just realized I could relate this to personality typing.
The interview went well, I think, but it's always awkward for me to explain I never finished school and can't work or go to school. I do art and writing, but it's a lot harder to make money from those than a lot of people think. Some people do get lucky or get some connections through their college/university, etc. but I do not make money off my writing or art. The woman (Rose) suggested I try to write a memoir about my youth and bizarre family situation, but I've already proposed that to agents to no avail. I thought I had nothing to say about myself and I feel like I've done nothing with my life, but I kept thinking up things I had done (an internship with the Smithsonian, teaching English to Burmese refugees, etc.) and Rose seemed to think it was a lot. When Amber and I were still in college our art history professor told Amber it was amazing how much I had done for my age, which sounded weird to me then. Certainly the past few years I have been mostly introverted and focused on myself, so I feel even less accomplished now. Hopefully as my mental state improves I will start doing more and more again, though, but without overloading myself. Even volunteering my mother thinks I should wait on until I'm consistently feeling better. Also it would help if I could drive...
I think a lot of the obsessions I develop when I'm stressed and not doing well mentally may be related to my inferior extroverted sensing. My body image is worse and more obsessive, I develop disordered eating, I obsess about being clean, went through a period of obsessive teeth brushing, sometimes obsessively exercise, etc. I use extroverted sensing in a rather unhealthy and compulsive way to try and control my environment when I feel internally out of control. I just realized I could relate this to personality typing.
Tags:
Preventing and Controlling Mood Episodes
Dec. 25th, 2010 04:50 pmLoving Someone with Bipolar Disorder made me start thinking about ways to improve my mental health. I never really considered how other symptoms like irritation or being quick to anger can be related to bipolar, even if you aren't currently in a serious mood episode. Also PTSD and OCD are very commonly comorbid with Bipolar and what I read recently is that nearly everyone with bipolar has anxiety problems. This kind of makes sense to me because all of my mental health issues started about the same time. I'd already gotten severe overload problems and meltdowns due to autism, but when I was put in a calmer environment I was fine. And I did get some sadness/anxiety at night, but nothing severe. My first bipolar episode was hypomania with started college and it lasted my first semester. I felt like my brain "switched" over winter break. Then I came back mildly anxious and mildly depressed, but then I ended up being stalked and fell into a severe depression (my first ever). Then a few months later it gradually turned into a bad, long mixed episode which is what I was in for my first psychometric testing.
I have already made goals of ways to improve my life, but here are some changes I'm going to try making specifically for my mental health:
1. Drink 3 bottles of water a day
2. Take my multivitamin and also vitamins of Omega-3 fatty acids
3. Eat (dark) chocolate occasionally (apparently it helps some people)
4. Try to eat a fruit a day
5. Eat peanut butter and yogurt for protein
6. Eat raw vegetables
7. Try to eat the amount of calories my psychiatrist (Eating Disorder specialist) thinks I should eat
8. Stretch daily and maybe try to do yoga (turning off outside stimuli and focusing on breathing)
9. Try to do meditation exercises at least when upset (preferably a daily thing, like stretching)
10. Try to do more strenuous exercise 3x a week (ballet exercises, stomach crunches, and push ups?)
11. Journal out all my problems, obsessions, and worries
12. Take Zyprexa daily and Klonopin as needed, as well as my medications for physical issues
13. Unless it's a special occasion, go to sleep by midnight
14. Have people who know me well watch for any signs that I'm beginning to enter a mood episode so I can do something about it
15. When behaving in unsafe or negative ways, have people close to me point them out and explain why they are problematic
16. Have people try not to argue with me rationally when I'm in a mood episode, but help me find ways to stop the mood episode and cope
17. Email one of my psychologists if I need to talk about something due to mental health problems
18. Page my psychiatrist if I am having problems and need a medication change/increase/decrease
19. Talk to a friend when I'm feeling depressed or lonely
20. Wait out angry feelings before doing anything drastic (write about my feelings and tell someone what I'm feeling and why, maybe having them point out why it would be a mistake to act on my feelings)
21. Do soothing activities when my mood is becoming problematic (art, reading comforting books, writing poems)
I have already made goals of ways to improve my life, but here are some changes I'm going to try making specifically for my mental health:
1. Drink 3 bottles of water a day
2. Take my multivitamin and also vitamins of Omega-3 fatty acids
3. Eat (dark) chocolate occasionally (apparently it helps some people)
4. Try to eat a fruit a day
5. Eat peanut butter and yogurt for protein
6. Eat raw vegetables
7. Try to eat the amount of calories my psychiatrist (Eating Disorder specialist) thinks I should eat
8. Stretch daily and maybe try to do yoga (turning off outside stimuli and focusing on breathing)
9. Try to do meditation exercises at least when upset (preferably a daily thing, like stretching)
10. Try to do more strenuous exercise 3x a week (ballet exercises, stomach crunches, and push ups?)
11. Journal out all my problems, obsessions, and worries
12. Take Zyprexa daily and Klonopin as needed, as well as my medications for physical issues
13. Unless it's a special occasion, go to sleep by midnight
14. Have people who know me well watch for any signs that I'm beginning to enter a mood episode so I can do something about it
15. When behaving in unsafe or negative ways, have people close to me point them out and explain why they are problematic
16. Have people try not to argue with me rationally when I'm in a mood episode, but help me find ways to stop the mood episode and cope
17. Email one of my psychologists if I need to talk about something due to mental health problems
18. Page my psychiatrist if I am having problems and need a medication change/increase/decrease
19. Talk to a friend when I'm feeling depressed or lonely
20. Wait out angry feelings before doing anything drastic (write about my feelings and tell someone what I'm feeling and why, maybe having them point out why it would be a mistake to act on my feelings)
21. Do soothing activities when my mood is becoming problematic (art, reading comforting books, writing poems)
Geodon Was Stimulating
Jul. 28th, 2010 12:20 pmI slept 13 hours last night:-( On Geodon I was sleeping only around 7 hours, starting to wake up after around 5 hours of sleep (unmedicated I usually sleep 9-10 hours). Zyprexa makes me sleep too much... I don't know how I will make it to my 7:45am eye dilation appointment Friday because too little sleep makes me sick to my stomach and I sometimes vomit. I'll try to go to bed really early, but I usually take my medications at 9pm. Geodon was very stimulating for me, and from what I've read it seems some other people have had that effect, as well. My obsessions and anxiety were so much worse on Geodon than Zyprexa. The obsessions were just so unbearable and I felt out of control. I'm hoping I can cut back to 5mg of Zyprexa without my obsessions/anxiety getting worse or going into a mood episode. Hopefully taking less of Zyprexa will also not make me sleep as long.
Stomachache, VH1 Programs
Jun. 28th, 2010 01:23 pmMy stomach was bothering me again this morning. It seems to be worst in the morning... It might be because I take my nightly medication on an empty stomach. Then I ate Raisinets:P I did take Zofran for my stomach, but eating chocolate on an already bothered, empty stomach isn't a good idea for me. Oatmeal tends to give me a stomachache, too, so I should probably wait awhile before having some. I wish I still had Ovaltine so I could have chocolate milk...
I'm hoping to achieve more today than I did yesterday. I'm watching VH1 and it's so easy to get sucked into its nonsense>_< I watched their OCD program (which reminded me to call Michael to remind him to call the local OCD therapist again). I really liked the big man who was afraid of being a killer. He looked scary, but he was so sweet! I really didn't agree with something they made someone do as exposure therapy (I think his name was Kevin?) He is afraid of hexing people accidentally so they made him do a hex with candles in this creepy psych ward room, condemning him and his family to hell. I have religious scrupulosity obsessions and used to do really long, obsessive prayers (that I've managed to get a bit under control), so I really empathized with this person and I do not think it's right to make someone do a "hex" if it's against their religious beliefs. Maybe the more science-oriented therapists don't see it as a big deal, but a lot of people have religious beliefs that would cause them to differ. I would have freaked out if I was forced to do a hex, too, without saying a prayer afterward to "undo" it.
I'm hoping to achieve more today than I did yesterday. I'm watching VH1 and it's so easy to get sucked into its nonsense>_< I watched their OCD program (which reminded me to call Michael to remind him to call the local OCD therapist again). I really liked the big man who was afraid of being a killer. He looked scary, but he was so sweet! I really didn't agree with something they made someone do as exposure therapy (I think his name was Kevin?) He is afraid of hexing people accidentally so they made him do a hex with candles in this creepy psych ward room, condemning him and his family to hell. I have religious scrupulosity obsessions and used to do really long, obsessive prayers (that I've managed to get a bit under control), so I really empathized with this person and I do not think it's right to make someone do a "hex" if it's against their religious beliefs. Maybe the more science-oriented therapists don't see it as a big deal, but a lot of people have religious beliefs that would cause them to differ. I would have freaked out if I was forced to do a hex, too, without saying a prayer afterward to "undo" it.
Today I woke up fairly early, but slept much better last night. I went bike riding with my mother, but it was really hot out and I'm in bad shape so it was exhausting. I decided not to get ice cream (which my mother usually buys for me on our bike rides). I just felt too nauseated and hot. I've felt nauseated consistently for the past couple of months, but a low-level nausea. I didn't want to take more Zofran (my nausea medication) because I just took 2 pills yesterday. I also think my nausea problems might be at least partly psycho-somatic, like a friend brought up yesterday. Every time I think of eating I immediately think of vomiting the food.:( We stopped at a deli so I could cool off and my mother ate a sandwich. There was a cute chocolate Labrador puppy outside:) When we got back home I took another shower and turned up the air-conditioning.
My bipolar and OCD workbooks came in today and I've started working on them. My mother made my psychiatrist appointment for July 29. I will call him Monday, when he's back, and talk to him about everything. I can't be on Zyprexa with that insane appetite and sleeping 13 hours a day. Especially if I can't get my Ritalin to curb my appetite. My psychiatrist said I could take it twice a day and told me to wait to get a refill, but by the time I needed it he was gone for two weeks! So I switched to Geodon, which so far has controlled my bipolar quite well. The problem is my anxiety. I did still have some anxiety on Zyprexa and took Klonopin and Klonopin still is usually working. There was that horrible night two nights ago, but that hasn't been the norm. Also I just started taking Geodon a little over 2 weeks ago, so maybe it's not working to the maximum yet. I know people take Zyprexa as needed sometimes, so maybe I can have a prescription for emergencies when I start to get a bit crazy or my moods start getting bad again. It works instantly for me. And I can just rely on the Klonopin for my anxiety. I took one today when I was feeling a bit depressed, but I think it was really more anxiety, because I feel quite well now.
The power went out due to a storm and usually that makes me very anxious because I always have to be doing things to keep my mind busy and it's hard to even find flashlights to read with. This time I stayed calm, just played Tori Amos with my computer's battery power and worked on my OCD workbook with a flashlight. I still don't know if I will make an appointment with my psychologist or not. I may wait a little while to see if my obsessions and anxiety get under control. I felt kind of bad when Amber told me I seemed so stable on my other medication (Zyprexa) and it was too bad I had to go off it, since now I was feeling "blah" and obsessive. The truth kind of hurts:-/ Though I wouldn't say I'm feeling "blah"... At least my moods are pretty good. I just have to get my anxiety symptoms under control. It's too bad antidepressants don't work on me.
My bipolar and OCD workbooks came in today and I've started working on them. My mother made my psychiatrist appointment for July 29. I will call him Monday, when he's back, and talk to him about everything. I can't be on Zyprexa with that insane appetite and sleeping 13 hours a day. Especially if I can't get my Ritalin to curb my appetite. My psychiatrist said I could take it twice a day and told me to wait to get a refill, but by the time I needed it he was gone for two weeks! So I switched to Geodon, which so far has controlled my bipolar quite well. The problem is my anxiety. I did still have some anxiety on Zyprexa and took Klonopin and Klonopin still is usually working. There was that horrible night two nights ago, but that hasn't been the norm. Also I just started taking Geodon a little over 2 weeks ago, so maybe it's not working to the maximum yet. I know people take Zyprexa as needed sometimes, so maybe I can have a prescription for emergencies when I start to get a bit crazy or my moods start getting bad again. It works instantly for me. And I can just rely on the Klonopin for my anxiety. I took one today when I was feeling a bit depressed, but I think it was really more anxiety, because I feel quite well now.
The power went out due to a storm and usually that makes me very anxious because I always have to be doing things to keep my mind busy and it's hard to even find flashlights to read with. This time I stayed calm, just played Tori Amos with my computer's battery power and worked on my OCD workbook with a flashlight. I still don't know if I will make an appointment with my psychologist or not. I may wait a little while to see if my obsessions and anxiety get under control. I felt kind of bad when Amber told me I seemed so stable on my other medication (Zyprexa) and it was too bad I had to go off it, since now I was feeling "blah" and obsessive. The truth kind of hurts:-/ Though I wouldn't say I'm feeling "blah"... At least my moods are pretty good. I just have to get my anxiety symptoms under control. It's too bad antidepressants don't work on me.
Tags:
Emotional Toolkit
May. 13th, 2010 07:04 pmFrom The Emotional Toolkit by Darlene Mininni
Emotional Tools: 1. Thought-shifting (need to work on this -- I ruminate a lot)
2. The Meditative Arts (I'm bad at staying still and focusing my mind)
3. Communication (I think I do this pretty well, if I can open up, but sometimes I'm too harsh instead of stating something calmly)
4. Emotional Writing (This helps and it's what I use my paper journal for)
5. Physical Movement (Doesn't seem to help me, but I'm working on exercising more)
6. Connection (I'm slowly getting better at turning to people for help/support)
7. Psychotherapy (sometimes helps when I'm in a dire mental state, sometimes doesn't)
Emotional Tools: 1. Thought-shifting (need to work on this -- I ruminate a lot)
2. The Meditative Arts (I'm bad at staying still and focusing my mind)
3. Communication (I think I do this pretty well, if I can open up, but sometimes I'm too harsh instead of stating something calmly)
4. Emotional Writing (This helps and it's what I use my paper journal for)
5. Physical Movement (Doesn't seem to help me, but I'm working on exercising more)
6. Connection (I'm slowly getting better at turning to people for help/support)
7. Psychotherapy (sometimes helps when I'm in a dire mental state, sometimes doesn't)
Today Michael and I went for a bike ride and I feel better knowing I exercised a decent amount today (though I will do stretches, etc. again tonight). I'm reading and watching more X-Files. My mood has been good. I think my natural mood is a bit elevated, but because of my bipolar it often sinks very low or my obsessions turn bad which makes my mood sink very low. When I have more positive obsessions (like in high school), even when things around me aren't great I'm still happy. I know I'll still be sensitive about a number of things, and I still have triggers I want to avoid, but I feel very determined to stay focused on happiness and accomplishing what is important to me. And every day I must remind myself that the only person I can change is myself, so I have to find ways to be happy that are based on things I do or ways of thinking I develop. I also went to the pet store today and got "Felidae" cat food instead of "Evo" cat food because it was much cheaper and "Felidae" is a good food, too, and my cats love it. They don't seem overjoyed at the expensive cat food I got them that's pure human-grade meat. I don't know why.
My Emotional Attachments to People
Apr. 22nd, 2010 02:20 pmI have a tendency to obsess and/or perseverate on people. It's thought I may have OCD partly because of my intense, negative obsession on certain people and certain social encounters. I do have other OCD tendencies, though. For awhile I doubted I had autism/Asperger's because I was so intensely focused on people, but it really started in college (though I had some long-term obsessions over individuals prior to that, I didn't really focus on my social situation as a whole or get really "into" friends in a normal way). I wanted to make friends and make people feel good just by being a nice person. I generally like people, so this wasn't an arduous task -- it just meant focusing in more on each person's situation, buying more gifts, offering help whenever possible, trying to always be emotionally supportive, etc. I figured I had a lot of emotional reciprocity, but in reality a lot of the people I hyperfocused on weren't as focused on me, so it wasn't so reciprocal. Sometimes this bothered me and sometimes it didn't. I was really focused on being as giving and kind as possible in college and my goal wasn't to make everyone like me so much as to be a good person. Though I loved it when people seemed to really like me. And I was heartbroken when people I'd been close to seemed to distance themselves from me. That still is really hard for me to cope with. I get very attached to people and the attachment only really disappears if the person was quite abusive and made me feel bad.
I regret the people I've hurt -- because despite my usually good intentions, sometimes I can be extremely verbally cruel. Usually it's always some verbal lashing out. Not rumors or cruelty in other manners, but verbal cruelty can do a lot of damage. I know it does to me. I am sorry to the people I blew off, thinking I didn't really do much wrong, because I was hyperfocused on helping/gaining the attention of another person at the time. I've been mean to a lot of friends at some time or another -- sometimes when I was focusing on another person and sometimes when I was focusing on them and became frustrated at things not going how I wanted. I'm so lucky I have such good friends that have, for the most part, forgiven me. I want to be less codependent and just be kind to people because I like doing so, without hoping for too much in return. I love close relationships so sometimes I hope for too much or ask for too much from someone. I need to develop more emotional independence. I think with that I would be kinder, too, because I wouldn't have those desperate emotions I sometimes get. I have April and Mireia and now even Maria (though Mireia and Maria are long-distance friends so I can't just get together with them or anything). Amber can't be close to me right now, but hopefully someday our relationship will return to normal. If it doesn't, I'm just going to have to find out a way to cope somehow. Though it is awfully painful to think of losing her after we spent years so close.
I suppose one quality I actually do like in myself is my lack of pretensions. I tend to mean exactly what I say, say things in whole so there are no misleading sentiments, and feeling like I know who I am and not having to prove anything to anyone. If I act like I like you, I like you, and if I don't like you, I ignore you or tell you why I don't like you. In college I still tried to like people who were inherently abusive and wouldn't stand up to them. I'd just feel bad for them. I still tend to feel bad when someone has problems, but I no longer put on a false smile to please them. I try to be very open about the kind of person I am and my strengths and weaknesses.
I regret the people I've hurt -- because despite my usually good intentions, sometimes I can be extremely verbally cruel. Usually it's always some verbal lashing out. Not rumors or cruelty in other manners, but verbal cruelty can do a lot of damage. I know it does to me. I am sorry to the people I blew off, thinking I didn't really do much wrong, because I was hyperfocused on helping/gaining the attention of another person at the time. I've been mean to a lot of friends at some time or another -- sometimes when I was focusing on another person and sometimes when I was focusing on them and became frustrated at things not going how I wanted. I'm so lucky I have such good friends that have, for the most part, forgiven me. I want to be less codependent and just be kind to people because I like doing so, without hoping for too much in return. I love close relationships so sometimes I hope for too much or ask for too much from someone. I need to develop more emotional independence. I think with that I would be kinder, too, because I wouldn't have those desperate emotions I sometimes get. I have April and Mireia and now even Maria (though Mireia and Maria are long-distance friends so I can't just get together with them or anything). Amber can't be close to me right now, but hopefully someday our relationship will return to normal. If it doesn't, I'm just going to have to find out a way to cope somehow. Though it is awfully painful to think of losing her after we spent years so close.
I suppose one quality I actually do like in myself is my lack of pretensions. I tend to mean exactly what I say, say things in whole so there are no misleading sentiments, and feeling like I know who I am and not having to prove anything to anyone. If I act like I like you, I like you, and if I don't like you, I ignore you or tell you why I don't like you. In college I still tried to like people who were inherently abusive and wouldn't stand up to them. I'd just feel bad for them. I still tend to feel bad when someone has problems, but I no longer put on a false smile to please them. I try to be very open about the kind of person I am and my strengths and weaknesses.
Tags:
Apparently there is no OCD-NOS. My psychologist must not have realized that/forgotten that. And my potential OCD does seem a bit weird. I reread my records and I was diagnosed with regular OCD by my bad psychiatrist and I will still bring the whole issue up to my psychiatrist July 7.
Apparently there is no OCD-NOS. My psychologist must not have realized that/forgotten that. And my potential OCD does seem a bit weird. I reread my records and I was diagnosed with regular OCD by my bad psychiatrist and I will still bring the whole issue up to my psychiatrist July 7.
Writer's Block: What's the Plan?
May. 2nd, 2009 04:18 pm[Error: unknown template qotd]
I always like to plan things. If I can't plan things or don't have control over a situation where I'm out of the house, I freak out. I feel out of control, have bad anxiety, don't eat, and don't have a good time. If I'm with someone I really trust who knows me well who is also dependable, I usually don't need to plan as much. I trust that if I get in an overloaded situation that they can help me. Even if things don't go as I planned, which usually bothers me but occasionally doesn't if it's a good/neutral surprise, I need to plan things out anyways. I wish I were more spontaneous and I hope I become more laidback with age, but so far I prefer having plans.
I always like to plan things. If I can't plan things or don't have control over a situation where I'm out of the house, I freak out. I feel out of control, have bad anxiety, don't eat, and don't have a good time. If I'm with someone I really trust who knows me well who is also dependable, I usually don't need to plan as much. I trust that if I get in an overloaded situation that they can help me. Even if things don't go as I planned, which usually bothers me but occasionally doesn't if it's a good/neutral surprise, I need to plan things out anyways. I wish I were more spontaneous and I hope I become more laidback with age, but so far I prefer having plans.
Blossom Is on DVD!
Apr. 28th, 2009 02:37 pmI just found out the television series from the early 1990's is on dvd! At least the first two seasons. I really want to buy them but I shouldn't spend the money now. Blossom was one of the many (most) television series I wasn't allowed to watch, but I watched some of it in reruns. As some may know, I have a house obsession and I adored the set they used to be Blossom's house. I wrote about it years ago in an entry on my favorite television "houses." I also love the theme song and just downloaded it. I used to have it when I copied songs from a cd of television theme songs but I lost all the music on my computer. Actually, it's probably still on my laptop... Anyways, when I have the chance, I really want to buy this series! I added it to my amazon wishlist. I hope I will have the willpower to resist until at least after Anime Central, where I will probably spend some (not a lot) money.
Returning to Tori
Apr. 14th, 2009 03:13 pmWell I started getting bad obsessions again, but then my thoughts returned to Tori Amos:-) Ah, Tori. I have a book to read that I'm FINALLY going to start soon. And I'm going to post the poem I wrote today. Some cd's came in for me at the library and I will probably pick them up on the way home (I'm thinking I'll go home Thursday, but I have to talk to my mother -- longer than that and I need to do wash here). I love getting new, positive topics to obsess over. I'll probably play my Nintendo DS game "My World, My Way" as that's always good when I'm having trouble concentrating. Michael is at the dentist right now and I just finished eating a bowl of granola. We finally watched another episode of Hercules last night because we finished Fruits Basket. The nights have been calm.
Obsessing Over Foods
Apr. 4th, 2009 03:04 pmIt's always been normal for me to obsess over a certain food and for awhile eat almost nothing but that food. Unfortunately right now one of those foods is pomegranate ice cream... I eat the pint in one sitting and then don't feel like eating the rest of the day. I'm also obsessed with my granola cereal and eating that for most of my meals. I know I should have more diversity, it's just most foods seem gross to me at any given time. Eventually I usually overkill on a type of food and switch my obsession to another food (sometimes I don't want to have the former food for a very long time).
Self-Indulgent
Feb. 25th, 2009 11:39 am[Error: unknown template qotd]
The only indulgence I'd have difficulty giving up is the internet. So I guess the internet.
The only indulgence I'd have difficulty giving up is the internet. So I guess the internet.
