Journey through Faerieland

Day 4 - What You Ate Today
Triscuits
Plain bagel with cream cheese and blackberry jam
Milk with Ovaltine
Generic Gatorade
Water
Mediterranean veggie sandwich from Panera Bread



( Meme List )

Bleh. Just read something depressing related to my eating habits/desire to get back to my personal "natural weight" when not hypothyroid -- go to bed on an empty stomach. I can't do this! If I am not quite full when I go to bed I will eat in my sleep. Or at least, because of insomnia, periodically get up and eat whatever convenient crap I can find. If I have healthier, but filling, foods right before bed I sleep better and am less likely to sleep eat. And I don't have a big enough appetite to eat a giant breakfast, like recommended. Mornings I often feel nauseated, especially since going on Zoloft. I'm lucky if I can just make it through the morning without Zofran (anti-emetic med).

Today has been a good day:-) No anxiety at all so far, yay! I read Shadow and Evil in Fairy Tales, spent time on the personality forum I frequent, and went with Michael to Teal and Eric's apartment to watch Beastly with Teal. Then we stayed for dinner! I'm always so hungry due to Zyprexa and can't cook, whereas Teal can. I've found that because Zyprexa makes me so hungry I will eat almost anything. I used to be a very picky eater. Teal made noodles with chicken sausage, zucchini, onion, and tomato. I ate three bowls! I usually don't eat onions or zucchini. Zucchini and onion really doesn't have much of a taste when cooked and were completely palatable, tasting like the seasonings. Michael ran out to the nearby Whole Foods while the rest of us ate dinner to get me Luna Bars. I'm going to try and keep only healthy foods in the house so I don't binge eat on junk food, but I will eat when I'm hungry. I'd like to lose a few lbs (literally -- not that much), but I'm not going to weigh myself and will be patient. I gained mainly in my chest and thighs/butt.

Bleh, I had a (big) chocolate chip muffin in the middle of the night and ate another today, during the day. I'm going to try to eat mostly protein and fruit the rest of the day... I don't have any vegetables and there's a blizzard going on now, so no going to the grocery store. I'm going to exercise soon. I also want to meditate today. I intended to do that yesterday and didn't. I want meditation to be a daily thing, like exercise.

Today has been a pretty good day, though not productive. Michael and I returned to Hobby Lobby to buy me more canvases for 40% off. I started a new painting, though I haven't yet finished my former painting. I'm watching Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas, given to me as an early Christmas present. I've read a bit and edited some poems. I watched more Facts of Life. I dropped my obsession books off with my psychologist. Zoloft is still working magic and my anxiety is mostly under control and I'm not at all depressed. I have decided to take Ritalin LA in the early evening instead of the morning because it helps with my night anxiety (my day anxiety is totally controlled by Zoloft now) and suppresses my giant appetite and cravings that make me binge eat at night. Tomorrow I will paint the head of a dragon and a parrot. I might just outline it and do the scales. I tend to paint in short spurts now. It seems less overwhelming that way. Despite my healthier diet, I'm debating getting Chinese food tomorrow (just 2 egg rolls and a small fried rice) and eating a little bit of it for several days. I was able to find some caloric information, though I know that won't be completely accurate from restaurant to restaurant. I've been reading From Girl to Goddess and will probably watch Project A-Ko with Michael tonight.

A soup that no longer seems to be sold. It was by Campbell's and had chicken, shell pasta, and vegetables.

( 365 Day Meme )

1. Chocolate milk
2. Mocha drinks (hot or cold)
3. Vanilla hot chocolate
4. Mocha milkshakes and chocolate-banana milkshakes
5. Pomegranate juice

( 365 Day Meme )

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm going to faint. I'd felt cold this morning and fine in the afternoon, but suddenly felt very hot and sweating. I just turned the air-conditioner on. I don't think it's due to lack of food because I ate a hamburger earlier and just had half a bagel with peanut butter and I still feel sick. I had a small mocha earlier but that was hours and hours ago and I felt fine when drinking it/in the first few hours following it. I'm wondering if this is another one of my random hot flashes with no real explanation. I'm so tired...

I know my bloating/distended abdomen is not just due to lactose intolerance (but IBS, I guess, which is a label covering all sorts of things). However, I got really sick after having a big milkshake today. I took Lactaid with my granola and milk this morning and that was fine. Then I was super hungry when I got home and wanted a big milkshake. Forgot Lactaid at first, but did take it early on (but just one pill). Drank way too much and almost vomited and still have a lot of stomach cramping, bloating, and nausea. I'm only going to ingest small amounts of ice cream and milk at a time from now on. Bleh... Feel so sick:(

Overall today has gone well, though it's been thoroughly exhausting. I tried to go to sleep at 4pm yesterday because Zyprexa makes me need 10-12 hours of sleep a night, otherwise I vomit when I force myself up. The flight was at 7:15am. I took 15mg Zyprexa, 1mg Klonopin, and 2 Benadryl pills and still couldn't sleep at all. I took Zofran at 4am and some Ritalin LA at 4:30am and then I felt good. My mother drove Michael and me to O'Hare Airport. The line wasn't too long and security went fine. They checked my purse because I had a roll of quarters in there. While killing time before boarding Michael and I bought an orange Hi-C from McDonalds (and that's what I drank to take Dramamine (motion sickness medication) right before the plane. We also went to the Dunkin Doughnuts stand where Michael bought a doughnut and I bought a blueberry muffin for the 4+ hour plane ride. The plane ride was uneventful. There were lots of empty seats in the back, so the person who had our aisle seat left to go sit with husband in the back and Michael and I were able to spread out. We played an incredibly long Uno game that I eventually won. I also did some reading. I only really had motion sickness during take off and I didn't vomit (yay!)

Then we went and got our luggage and found the BART line heading in the direction we needed. We just made the train! Then we found our connecting bus and just made that, too. Unfortunately on both the train and the bus it was very difficult to hear what was being said over the intercom, which was unnerving. And the signs at the BART stations weren't as clear as the ones in Washington DC's metro. We made it to Fisherman's Wharf, though, which is where our hotel is located. Our room was ready when we arrived. It was also super hot here. I'm lucky I wore a tank top under my sweater so I could take my sweater off. I didn't even bring sunblock because my moisturizer has spf30:( I hope I don't get more freckles and moles... My mother told me it would be cold, so I basically just packed sweaters. I have one t-shirt I added last minute. But it did get colder this evening and it's supposed to be colder tomorrow...

We decided to walk to Chinatown (1 mile), but we got lost several times. It was very tiring. Chinatown was nice, though! Interesting shops and food (though I'm not adventurous about food and there was a lot I would not eat). And everything there is so cheap! I bought myself a large cream puff, 4 pork dumplings, and 1 large pork bun for $6. I was stuffed and when we left to go get Michael pizza I only had a small bite of his and didn't want any for myself. But then as soon as we got back to the hotel I was no longer full and desperately wanted the pizza Michael had!:( It's a long walk, but maybe we will do it again before we go home and I can have that pizza. In Chinatown I also found a pale pink polar fleece zip-up sweater for $10. It didn't have the same logo as my mother's sweater (she also bought one in San Francisco and I've wanted one since then) -- it has "San Francisco" embroidered across the front. Later when walking around the streets neighboring Fisherman's Wharf I saw other pink fleece sweaters that just had a small logo, which I would have preferred:( But I still like my sweater and will wear it tomorrow!

This evening we returned to the hotel for a short while then walked over to Pier 39 of Fisherman's Wharf. There are street performers blasting music full of bass and it's really bothering Michael's OCD. We saw the sea lions and Alcatraz in the distance (it's funny that in the mist and from a distance Alcatraz looks almost like an enchanted castle:P). We looked around the shops and took some pictures. We ate Ben and Jerry's ice cream -- two smalls cost us $9.50! What!? The small was *really, really* small, too. I'm also rather craving IHOP now (it's next to the hotel). But I'm going to try to control myself.

Tomorrow we will probably go to Japantown via bus. Michael wrote down some directions for that. I will try to have some kind of Japanese food there that is cheap (maybe some noodle dish or something). Then the next day we will probably go to the aquarium right on Pier 39 (very close to us). We also walked around the area tonight and saw a whole lot of seafood restaurants. And Hooters. And McDonald's.

Now I think I'm going to write a couple emails and read and take my medications and go to bed. I hope everyone is well:) I'm quite sore from all the walking today because I'm really out of shape:(