Journey through Faerieland

Today I was not very anxious. I did feel like fainting when I woke up, though. My head felt heavy and cold, my hands felt cold. Upon standing, I swayed and saw black. So after breakfast (oatmeal) and not feeling better, I had some chicken, which helped very quickly. It had been a couple days since I'd had meat. I'm super reliant on it. I'm going to try rice and beans since it's supposed to also be a complete protein. I felt tired from the Valerian I took earlier and laid down in bed for awhile. I finished reading a book. I felt steady enough to shower and afterwards I was freezing cold.

I received Cinderella the dvd/Blu-ray combo in the mail today, as well as my neuro/cardio bill. I was charged nothing for neuro, presumably because I had Medicaid as well as Medicare then. I was charged $80 for cardio, after I was taken off Medicaid. I just paid the bill to not deal with the hassle, though I hope I get re-approved for Medicaid. I think with my bank statement I have a good chance.

Michael and Dan went on a trip up to eastern Wisconsin, just past the Illinois border, looking at a bunch of stores. I was picked up by our friend Kat and brought to her condo where a group was playing Scrabble and Bananagrams and I watched (by choice). We talked and I had peppermint tea and we ate veggie pizza. I ate three pieces. I don't know why I didn't get full sooner... And now I'm paying for it with bad gas -- bloated and abdominal cramping. I'm drinking more peppermint tea to see if that helps.

Now I'm back at home, drinking tea, about to take my meds, and I've turned on the heat to 68 degrees. I'm probably going to sleep in the clothes I'm wearing and just take my bra off and wear lots of layers (I'm wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt, thermal leggings, lounge pants, as well as a fleece sweater. It's probably about time to wash and put away the new jersey sheets and put on the old flannel sheets. Then eventually the fleece.

My goals for tomorrow:
-Pick up clutter
-Put old vacuum into my brother's car, as well as other recyclable electronics
-Rearrange bookshelves and get rid of more books possibly
-Work on CBT book
-Journal
-Read
-Watch movie
-Back up everything onto my external hard drive
-Clean the litterboxes
-Dust
-Email/Internet stuff
-See if I have any more clothes to get rid of
-Put away/break down boxes

I've broken a couple rules and bought myself 2 $0.01 books from amazon.com the past 2 days. They require $3.99 shipping, so really it's $8.00. I already have books to read!>_< I'm also craving clothes, but I just bought clothes. So maybe this is less superficial of me? We can only hope... I also finished buying Michael's birthday presents and paid my hospital bill and ambulance bill. I paid rent and credit card and netflix. My major bills in waiting that are unavoidable: electric, gas, Valium, and cat food. Other things I will spring for are: food/coffee out with friends and the pumpkin farm. Maybe I will find myself up to buying some Christmas presents early. Who knows? I will wait until later in the month in case of more unexpected bills before I buy anything unnecessary and unexpected. I'd love to use my credit card barely at all so next month I have more money in my checking account and can pay back my $80 for the external hard drive back to my packet of savings. That would be a good start on my quest for saving. A quest that mostly will have to wait until after Christmas.

Did errands today. Probably won't get around to painting, but I will at least find a reference picture for the rabbit for the baby shower painting. Maybe I will paint the outline of the rabbit. For errands we went to ALDI (a grocery store) for bottled water, then Caribou Coffee where I bought Michael and myself a frappuccino (yay! I finally spelled that word right!). Then we went to Comcast to return the cable boxes. That was kind of a long drive. We went to Target for Michael and I bought Chobani yogurt. They were out of vanilla, which disappointed me. Then I noticed they sold pomegranate Chobani yogurt! I had never realized this! I love anything pomegranate! So I bought the last three. And that is what I will try eating today. I am excited:-)

Also now I really want to win that Jason Wu auction. It will never happen and I'm sure there will be a bidding war at the end, but I can dream:P I swear next month I will go on a financial fast. No shopping, no new books. I have plenty of books and libraries. I have plenty of perfectly good clothes. I want to save money so I can go on trips and so forth.

My brother bought me a very expensive sandwich today! I requested he and my mother buy me one after my brother got off work because the deli is near there. I thought it would maybe cost $4, but it cost $8! It was just a chicken sandwich with pesto, tomatoes, and bean sprouts (and cheese, which I removed). It was really good... I was so hungry by the time I got it. Now Michael and Dan are out dropping off a couple prescriptions for me and going to the grocery store. I need more Chobani vanilla yogurt. I'm glad I get to stay in. I've been spending a lot of time talking to the people in the forum I frequent. Some of them are very wise... Especially this one girl whom I thought was at least in her 30's, but she's only 19! She's way more mature than me. I like her.

I'm feeling a little irritable right now, but I don't know why... I will probably take my night medications soon and try to meditate. I tried calling Amber, but she didn't answer her cellphone. I miss her... Michael and Dan went out to stores for stuff for Michael's Gundam models. They will probably get back late, as usual. I might go out with a friend (Teal) tomorrow morning, so I shouldn't stay up late. I am craving chocolate chip muffins. I love them so much! Today has been pretty ordinary. Dan is spending the night because it is very cold tonight and he usually lives out of his car.

Today is my first day without Ritalin LA and my appetite is insanely huge.:( I have more healthy foods to eat now, though. Michael went to the grocery store without me since it's huge sensory overload for me (he's mostly fine in a crowd as long as nobody is chewing gum or typing). I'm having the desire to eat when I'm not even hungry. I just ate an apple and a bunch of tomatoes... I will be having a hamburger for dinner, with ketchup. Michael is making the hamburgers now.

Despite all the eating, my stomach is still a bit upset. I don't know if I will complete The Thirty Day Shred tonight. If I don't, I will at least do stretching exercises.

I also really want to do a tarot reading tonight. Painting and editing my poems went fine. I've watched all The Facts of Life other than their trip to Paris, though I will check youtube, etc. for it later. I also would like to catch up in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic series. I'm also going to do more reading. I have the latest manga of Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Raising Shinji Ikari Project to read. Not to mention several books from Christmas...

I keep having stomach cramps, sometimes to the point I feel like I will throw up. My digestive system is a little messed up, I think. I don't know if it's the Zoloft or something else.

Michael's replacement phone wasn't working properly last night, but right now it seems to be. Hopefully it will continue to work. That was a huge problem and caused Michael to have a meltdown. I didn't exercise yesterday because the phone thing happened right when I was intending to exercise and then I was too drained from Michael's meltdown and just wanted to go to bed.

I want to start a new painting today, but haven't yet figured out what I will paint. I think a city scene. I will have to look through my photographs. I will at least outline the painting today or put down a layer of paint.

We are probably going to Naperville today to pick up a phone from Michael's sister that he could possibly use if his current replacement phone stops working again. We will also be seeing friends.

I only read a little bit yesterday. I hope to read more today. I probably will at the friend's house while they play video games or watch a movie.

I also should edit more poems today. And I should get back into writing them. I just feel like I need to catch up in the editing, but that's going to take me months, so I should probably just start writing new poems again, too.

A bad day and a good day. So far it's ending as a good day:-) Michael had some problems with Target last night (he had things on hold that were no longer on hold for him when he got there) and then today (not clear on what went wrong at Target today). Michael got massively lost trying to get to a friend's house to help him with antivirus stuff (this friend and his parents are more computer illiterate than even me). Michael calmed down then and had a much easier time making it home. He brought me back a blueberry cake doughnut that I ate with a small glass of milk. I love milk and tend to drink it with brownies, cake, cookies, doughnuts -- basically sweets of any kind, other than ice cream (which provides the milk for me;-). We watched Glee online. It got cut off at the very end, though:( Which is too bad because I'd like some reliable streaming for Glee since it's on the same night as my church's Crafting and Conversation.

We're going to email a nearby church member about carpooling to Crafting and Conversation. It would help a lot with gas. April brought up maybe visiting for a short while Tuesday night, but we love Crafting:( I am learning sign language there. I'm having trouble remembering K, P, and T. Pictures online don't help me. It's hard for me to convert something two dimensional into something three dimensional. I will just get some more assistance at church. They do have a sign language class on Mondays, but we're already using up so much gas for the church.:( Yoga will be held once a month again and I'm looking forward to that.

I wasn't too anxious today until I realized, by idly checking amazon, that my Sailor Moon and Codename: Sailor V manga had been delivered September 13th and I never received them! Someone would have brought them in from the porch. I think someone stole them. The money had been deducted from my bank account for them and I'd even written it in my checking account the day before arrival. I just forgot... But fortunately Michael called amazon and got to talk to someone right away about what happened and they are overnight shipping replacements for me! That made me really happy. Unfortunately Michael noticed my big surprise present for his birthday in my amazon.com account:( That made me feel bad...

Now I'm going to do some yoga and maybe meditate. I also want to read more (finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife). And I should clean the toilets and sink.

I'm glad LiveJournal seems to be working again. I have had bad focus lately... I did manage to finish a painting, do some poetry writing, and read some of Borges. I've also still had dumb television shows playing in the background. I just like at least playing a dvd in the background so I don't feel so alone (Michael is often in his room and today he's been at his parents' homes). I haven't been too depressed lately, but many days I still struggle with anxiety. I went swimming a bit earlier today. I will swim more this week (my mother's boyfriend's pool). I am still obsessing over clothes and thinking about what I would like to buy. Fortunately I'm not giving into temptation. Today my mother tried to teach me how to balance my checkbook. Hopefully I will do better at it from now on...

Today went pretty well aside from me getting triggered about my body image. I slept in late because Michael had bad insomnia and didn't feel well so we skipped church. A church friend said it was pretty boring, anyways. I still hate missing church:( I read 100 pages of my Russian fairy tales book, which was my goal. I'm going to do a tarot reading momentarily and hopefully some meditation. I would like to do some yoga/stretches a bit later tonight (maybe while watching something with Michael?)

Wow, I started this post a long time ago and forgot about it. I'm making a list of food to eat and I still am sitting on the futon. I will finish soon, though. We went out to dinner for my brother's birthday, which went okay.

Today I went with my mother and Michael to the fair in Wheaton. We arrived early, though, so a lot of things weren't set up:-( Michael bought me a little ceramic unicorn (white with a pink mane and horn) and he bought himself an ostrich marionette. My mother bought flip-flops with ribbons on them. I just finished eating some fried rice I bought from the nearby Chinese restaurant. Michael is eating pizza. I'm finally getting too hot so I turned on the air-conditioner. Tomorrow I'm supposed to see April and Phil! I haven't seen them for almost a month. I'll try to do some writing and meditating today. I still have a bad cough.