Journey through Faerieland

Well this weekend wasn't the greatest. Saturday we had Cory, Kat, and Kat's husband, Chris come over. But that was later in the day. Earlier in the day I sat around as lazy as I usually am. And it was nice to see my friends, and we had pizza for dinner, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the computer while they were watching bad old B movies. And then I started feeling more ill. The tickle in my throat from that morning was followed by a full-blown sore throat, aches, and chills. I eventually went into my bedroom to type more privately, and stayed there the rest of the night. Eventually, I couldn't really move, so a shower wasn't an option. I stayed fully dressed and Michael gave me my night meds. I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth. I couldn't sleep. I took way too many pills (not going into detail here because it might trigger people with suicidal ideation or whom have attempted suicide on pills in the past). But it makes me more sure than ever I have Cushings, considering how many pills I was taking (not a ton all at once) and how they didn't make me sleepy. I must have a ton of cortisol still running through me at night. I am going to demand the late night salivary test for cortisol.

I eventually fell asleep and spent the rest of the day in bed, in bad pain, including in my fingers and toes. I got myself propped up at 6pm and Michael gave me the computer. As the hours wore on I did better and better and eventually showered. I slept last night. I woke up today still feeling ill, but not nearly as bad.

Michael and Dan went to Chicago to see the moving From Up on Poppy Hill, but I didn't feel well enough to go. I still feel sick and weak. We also called the scheduling center about my MRI, but there are no sooner appointments available. We left a message for my endocrinologist about my bone pain and asking for a bone scan. Didn't hear back from her today...

I've had anxiety since I woke up, which is disappointing since I had no anxiety yesterday. I took L-Tryptophan, which seems to be helping a bit. If I need to I will give in and take Klonopin later. I'm watching Beastly again. I have been watching it daily. I still have to finish rereading the book... I also have a new book in the same reality as Beastly to read soon. I had a Luna bar for breakfast. I might have a smoothie later. I also intend t paint. I think I'm slowly improving my painting...

I think the last movie I watched was House, a Japanese movie from 1997. It is a very surreal horror movie where a bunch of girl's go to one of their aunt's houses, which happens to be haunted. The characters are slowly killed off by the house. There's a creepy cat, too.

( 365 Day Meme )

Today went pretty well. I have not needed Klonopin. I finished reading Stolen. My bathtub and sink are clogged and we keep using Draino and it's slowly getting better. My back room toilet is running and we don't know why or how long that has been going on. My mother looked at it and turned off the water valve for now. She has off work tomorrow so she can look at it again or have her boyfriend look at it.

Michael and I went to Caribou Coffee this afternoon because they had buy one coffee drink get one free. Tonight Michael and I went to the apartment of friends from church and had pizza and watched Tangled. Teal really loved the movie:-) I was glad. And we watched it on blu-ray for the first time and actually saw Rapunzel's freckles. I'm used to anxiety interfering with watching movies/television, but it didn't bother me tonight. We all talked for awhile after the movie, too.

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy



Mrs. Bates!

Day 7: Favorite movies

Disney movies (especially Beauty and the Beast), Amelie, American Psycho, Best in Show, Miyazaki movies (especially My Neighbor Totoro and Kiki's Delivery Service), Zoolander, Mean Girls, the Shrek movies, Enchanted, The Princess Bride, Willow, Labyrinth, and Legend.

( 30 Day Meme )

Amelie, American Psycho, Zoolander, Stardust, Disney movies, Mean Girls and Best in Show, to name a few.

( 365 Day Meme )

Yesterday night was quite busy. During the day I mostly read and looked at a forum online. Someone was harassing me there:( It was incredibly stressful and I needed to take Klonopin. I don't know how people can think cyber-bullying is less painful than regular bullying. The internet feels "real" to me, certainly. And I'm still so emotionally fragile... If someone told me to kill myself I would probably think that's what I should do. I know that sounds terrible and irrational. I still put too much weight on what other people think of me and I don't have much self-worth yet, though that is slowly getting better.

Last night Michael and I went with Dan to the Music Box Theatre in Chicago to see the new Neon Genesis Evangelion movie. It was subtitled, which was nice. However, the listing online said the movie was at 8:45pm and really it was at 9:45pm! So after we bought our tickets (only $5 for Monday nights!) we went to the nearby Dairy Queen and had ice cream. Then they closed at 9pm and we went back to the theater. I read a bit (Scandinavian folktales) and a friend of Dan's arrived at the theater with his roommate, so they talked to Dan and Michael until the movie started. I was so worried it would be sold out and crowded, but there was hardly anyone there! They didn't even collect our tickets because they knew all of us hanging around had bought our tickets. The movie was shown in the bigger theater and it was beautiful! It's an old theater. Supposedly it's haunted, too (I think by a previous owner? He's supposed to be a friendly spirit). The film was very good and I was actually able to concentrate on it for the whole two hours! Maybe the Klonopin helped my attention span. Also I didn't have distractions around me. Also on Mondays it's buy one drink get one free or buy one popcorn get one free, so Michael gave me his extra popcorn. I generally dislike popcorn that isn't homemade (I only like it without salt and without butter -- completely plain), but I was quite hungry so I ate it all.

I was very tired after the movie and glad to get back home. I felt a bit ill and just hurried up and took my Miralax and medications and went to bed. I felt sick this morning, too. I'm feeling much better now. Michael may go with Dan to "Japan Night" at a bar tonight -- it's where they have Japanese bands play at a bar. I did enjoy one bar that played live music, so maybe I would like Japan Night, but I think I will be staying home.

I had bad insomnia last night and laid in bed from 9:30pm until well after 1am. I slept in a bit late, the showered and put on my Renaissance costume. Michael is handing out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. We had on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I wanted to see because I'd never seen it the whole way through. I didn't like it too much, though:-/ It made me very uncomfortable and I felt a bit trapped. The whole look of everything was very depressing to me. We will watch my Garfield Halloween special later and the new episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We took some pictures of me in my costume and I will post them later (after I finally post zoo pictures...). Michael and I also went to Coldstone Creamery to get ice cream earlier today (I had cheesecake with oreo crumbles and Michael had cookie batter with M&M's). I have a new library book to read, too, though I've heard negative things about it (Torment). I've had a few slight down periods today, but I've mostly been happy. Michael seems to be having a good day. My mother left for her Florida vacation today, and she left me a little money, which is great because now I can buy some wet cat food and cat litter<3 I hope everyone else is having a great day!

Today was my anniversary with Michael. We exchanged gifts (he gave me the books Ego and Archetype and The Mist-Filled Path today). Then we saw Inception with my mother and brother which I liked very much, though I was confused at parts. I had to leave about half-way through the film to take Klonopin. It helped me focus on the movie better and I felt better. I found out I have a new, gross abscess and soaked in the bathtub for a short while, then we left for the Neverwhere play in the far north part of Chicago. It took 2 hours to get there! Traffic was horrible. And it was very hot and we had no air-conditioning. Michael didn't think we'd make the movie in-time, but we arrived at 3:45pm for the 4pm show. The parking lot shuttle was there and waiting, so we caught that and took it to the theater. They started letting people into the theater right after we got there. It is a very small theater. I liked the play a lot, as did Michael, but I started feeling sick during it, very thirsty and with a headache (probably due to dehydration). I hate buying water in public places because it's so expensive, but I bought water and took another Klonopin to see if it would help my headache and maybe relax me for the second half of the play (movies and such can make me anxious because they do not sufficiently distract me). It worked, though on our way home I got a headache again and was very hot. Michael and I went to the restaurant he wanted to eat at, but then we left because his OCD was bothering him and he was tired, and I also still felt sick and tired and had no real in eating there in the first place. Michael bought me a sandwich elsewhere and just ordered himself a pizza (what he was going to get to eat anyway). I watched an episode of Xena and now we will probably watch some anime together before I go to bed.