Journey through Faerieland

I went from being in a terribly depressed mood the past three nights into an incredibly good mood tonight! I feel guilty for spending so much money this month on things I didn't need and I really want to save a little bit of money, but Christmas adventures seem more important! I want to go to a German Christmas festival in Chicago and look at all the crafts and other assorted goods. If I see something I really like and it's not too expensive Michael will buy it as an early birthday gift<3 My birthday is January 13, though I was due Christmas Eve (December 24). I also want to eat all the German foods listed by the vendors! I'm usually not an adventurous person when it comes to food, but I want to try the different desserts and meat-filled buns. Not the cheese or vegetable-filled buns, though. I also wish I could try the German hamburgers and potato pancakes. And I have a big craving for bratwurst now. I'm hoping this week I can get my mother to take me to the grocery store so I can get bratwurst and buns to put them on. That way I won't be tempted at the Christmas festival to get something I already know I like and can get at other times. Same with cheese strudel (if it is what I think it is, it is something cheese-like that I do consume). We might be able to go to this Christmas festival earlier in the day and then go to Lincoln Park Zoo at night for their lights festival (like the Brookfield Zoo thing I just went to). I will have to withdraw more money, but it would be worth it. At least I am 100% done with Christmas presents and just have to wrap some.

Also Michael was going to buy me the anime Romeo x Juliet for my birthday, but I can watch it on hulu.com and will only choose that over other things if I really, really like the series and feel I will rewatch it many times. I usually dread my birthday, but tonight I feel excited about it. Zyprexa must make me rapid cycle or something, because I am feeling insanely good right now. Though usually on Zyprexa my mood is stable (it's not like my mood is going up and down so much on a regular basis).

I had bad insomnia last night and laid in bed from 9:30pm until well after 1am. I slept in a bit late, the showered and put on my Renaissance costume. Michael is handing out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. We had on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I wanted to see because I'd never seen it the whole way through. I didn't like it too much, though:-/ It made me very uncomfortable and I felt a bit trapped. The whole look of everything was very depressing to me. We will watch my Garfield Halloween special later and the new episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We took some pictures of me in my costume and I will post them later (after I finally post zoo pictures...). Michael and I also went to Coldstone Creamery to get ice cream earlier today (I had cheesecake with oreo crumbles and Michael had cookie batter with M&M's). I have a new library book to read, too, though I've heard negative things about it (Torment). I've had a few slight down periods today, but I've mostly been happy. Michael seems to be having a good day. My mother left for her Florida vacation today, and she left me a little money, which is great because now I can buy some wet cat food and cat litter<3 I hope everyone else is having a great day!

Today Michael and I exchanged my cat food I bought yesterday for a different kind because Bunny was having trouble digesting that type of cat food. Then my brother brought us some food to eat that he picked up after work. Michael and I went on a bike ride into downtown Glen Ellyn, returned a library book, ate ice cream at the snack shop, and stopped at the park to go on the swings. I haven't been on swings since I was at college! They make me a bit motion sickness now:P Then we came back and I hope to start a painting tonight and get some reading done. I haven't yet returned to painting, though I've had new canvases for awhile. I think I will paint Amber's horses. So far today has gone pretty well:-) Also Izzy bought me the new Taylor Swift cd! So exciting. I really like it.

My wonderful mother went to the grocery store yesterday, and here are the foods she got for me -- many high in fiber:
-Raspberries
-Strawberries
-Pears
-Spinach leaves
-Tomatoes
-Fiber One Chocolate and Oats granola bars
-Fiber One Banana Chocolate Chip muffins
-Whole grain bagels
-Cream cheese
-Ice cream (which I will only eat in tiny amounts, though it is my favorite food!)
-Edited to add: Also microwavable soup, for when I'm sick

I also have plenty of apple juice and water. I have high-fiber oatmeal, but it's made me really nauseated lately so I don't know when I will eat it again. I do not eat most cereals (they give me stomachaches). However, I am not lactose intolerant despite the fact that milk with cereal makes me ill. I can drink glasses of milk just fine.

Today I plan on getting fiber powder (which the doctors told me to take in addition to having a high fiber diet), more Miralax (which I am supposed to take whenever the abdominal pain starts again, so I don't just need it for this attack), and more Ibuprofen (for the abdominal pain since I refuse to get my painkiller prescriptions filled).

I almost got up late last night to write this post, but I waited and laid around in bed. This is NOT a post about eating disorder behaviors, but about how hungry Zyprexa makes me. However, I'm going to put it behind a cut in case it's triggering to people.

( Talk about Extreme Hunger and Non-Stop Eating )

One goal I'm going to start working on, starting today, is cutting back on sweets and eating at least one fruit and one vegetable a day. I've been mainly eating apples because they last long, aren't too expensive, and contain some fiber. Ever since starting to recover from anorexia I've had constipation problems and eating healthier and drinking more water might help that.

Today two books arrived that I ordered: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and The How of Happiness by Sonia Lyubomirsky. I'm starting with The Happiness Project since I've read the whole blog (I think). So far since even before I came across the blog and was just doing "Ten Thousand Questions" I had determined a new major goal of being a happier person, which will also come with the great effects of influencing others with more positive energy, getting more done, and having better relationships. My Bipolar is pretty under control now, and my anxiety is pretty controlled with my pills. I'm not deeply depressed, just a bit stuck on old things I need to let go.

Some things I've been reading really hit me, like the fact that if you aren't busy enough you can get into negative thought loops. I haven't been keeping busy enough. I've been slacking off on art and writing and intend to increase my productivity in those areas. I'm also going to keep up with the reading and maybe take more notes on what I read, since I can learn from anything or come up with inspired ideas -- both by reading fiction and non-fiction. I also intend to exercise (at least stretches and simple ballet and yoga) every day for a short while and ride my bicycle twice a week if possible. I've already switched over into always getting dressed and putting on make up everyday because I heard it's better for your mood to always do your morning routine and get ready, even if you're staying at home. So far I think it's helping me and encouraging me to be more active. I intend to volunteer at the no-kill cat shelter after I return from Michael's next week. I will probably miss this month's orientation, though:( But they said I could also be individually trained. I mainly want to work with the cats directly (a cat socializer) or introducing prospective adopters to the cats. I also wouldn't mind feeding, but I would rather only do clean up if they really needed me to do that (I worry more about washing floors than cleaning litter boxes).

I'm feeling better about Amber and Tim and all my friends in general. As time passes I'm also slowly getting over Him. I don't want to hate him, but I do hope he goes through struggles until he learns what he's been doing is wrong and makes an effort to change his ways and to apologize to those he abused. I might still talk to people or write about when people bother me, but I will try to sound neutral instead of blameful and name calling. My psychologist thinks He is a narcissist (and several friends I've talked to about Him agree) and narcissists are usually pretty unhappy people, hiding their deep-down insecurities. I'd rather be me than him.

I missed Lost tonight:( But I can see it for free at home because it's "on demand" for free. I will be going home in a couple days. Instead I went with Michael to pretty far Giordano's to meet an old high school friend of his. I just ate a cannoli. I didn't really talk much. We just got back home a short while ago. I will probably stay up a little later still. I couldn't fall asleep last night, even taking Klonopin (Klonopin doesn't really make me tired or make me fall asleep). I'd like to start a new book tonight and maybe watch something.

Today started off roughly. I was still thinking a little bit about last night and the friend of Michael's who was supposed to pick us up to go to Chicago was not answering his phone (we knew he was sleeping). So we were slow in getting ready this morning and both Michael and I were stressed. Finally his friend called and was on his way, though we wouldn't get as much time at the aquarium. I wore a skirt and ripped brand new nylons (I was trying to be very gentle!). My mother said Walgreen's would have nylons, but they were all dark and huge. I need them in the smallest size and lightest shade, due to being small and pale. Next time we go to a department store I will buy more (though they're overpriced for how delicate they are). I do have a new pair of thigh-high ones, too, which I prefer the look of, but last time i wore a pair they wouldn't stay up my thighs and I had to throw them out. It only occurred to me today they probably didn't stay up because I was way underweight at the time. Now that I weigh more, the elastic will hopefully stay up. But I didn't want to mess around with that out in public, so I didn't try them. I ended up wearing leggings and ankle socks, which was for the best because it was very cold walking from the parking lot to the aquarium.

It was a free admission day, which is why we were so focused on going today (tomorrow they are expecting snow). I also didn't want Michael driving to a confusing part of Chicago he hasn't been to in a very long time, so I wanted to only go if Dan would be around to drive. Fortunately, that happened. We took some pictures; hopefully they will turn out. I will post them here and to Facebook and will scrapbook a few. We saw tons of different kinds of fish, frogs, monkeys, dolphins, Beluga whales (including a baby!), otters, snakes, turtles, and that was about it, I think. Lots to see in the less than 3 hours we were there. It was very fun. I bought Michael a cute little stuffed Beluga whale. We named her "Snow."

Michael bought me brown sugar Haagen Dasz ice cream today!:D I'm going to try it soon. I love cookie dough with brown sugar in it best of all. I had a little bit of that when Michael was making some cookies based on my mother's recipe. He always tells me not to because he got food poisoning from bad milk as a child (it was a big thing--all over the news), but even he ate a little of the cookie dough:-) I also hope to watch an episode of Millennium tonight and probably some Hime-chan's Ribbon. I also hope to finish reading the book I'm reading, called Pretty Dead. I love the style because it's Francesca Lia Block, but it's a bit annoying she got in on this vampire craze. And at least I got to sleep in today. I set my alarm for 9am, but was exhausted. I don't know what we will do tomorrow.

It's always been normal for me to obsess over a certain food and for awhile eat almost nothing but that food. Unfortunately right now one of those foods is pomegranate ice cream... I eat the pint in one sitting and then don't feel like eating the rest of the day. I'm also obsessed with my granola cereal and eating that for most of my meals. I know I should have more diversity, it's just most foods seem gross to me at any given time. Eventually I usually overkill on a type of food and switch my obsession to another food (sometimes I don't want to have the former food for a very long time).