I finally read through all the archives of the positivity blog I've been reading. I love the quotes and some of the posts, though a lot of posts were repetitive. I never really thought before about being able to change my thoughts and feelings. I'd heard of being an observer of your thoughts and feelings, but I didn't really understand it so I didn't try to apply it. I'm trying not to judge my emotions and thoughts, but to let the unpleasant ones just exist and float by instead of clinging to them. I get stuck in negative thought loops too easily, but I've been doing better. I may still be bipolar and need medication, but I can still work on savoring things in life and being a happier person. I also definitely want to worry less, since that gets in the way of being truly happy and it isn't useful. I'm trying not to dwell on the past, but sometimes to remember good memories to inspire me. I want to be a positive person even in difficult situations. I used to be very optimistic (and still am) when I'm hypomanic, but I want to feel that way normally and have that kind of perspective most of the time. I know I do mess up on this still, but progress takes awhile.
Some positive thoughts:
1. I had one of my earlier novels read by a literary agent and got useful feedback, even though they decided not to represent me. I can have this happen again with time and hard work.
2. I used to win art contests all the time. If I keep practicing my painting and drawing eventually I will win a merit award at one of the local art league's art shows.
3. I have very good memories with Amber, at Cornell and in Alaska, and we can have good memories like that made in the future if I'm patient and treat her with love and kindness since she still wants to be friends.
4. Even though Tim and I got off to a bad start, we've put judgments aside and are friends now. I used to view Izzy as "the enemy" and even recently was quite rude to her, but we're talking friendly to each other again. People I might perceive as my enemies or I judged in the past might be my friends in the future, or at least tolerable acquaintances.
5. I've met Maria and Mireia through Michael and some great people on LiveJournal, all of whom I consider friends, so there will always be more people out there that I can form relationships with even if other friends grow more distant. I've also grown closer to April and both of us have learned a lot over the years of our friendship and are better friends and people because of it.
6. I have issues with my appearance, but overall I much prefer my appearance to how I looked in middle school and high school, so I should like how I look and not pick on myself so much. How I look is fine and most people don't really care.
7. I've learned so much over the years, some things I didn't think I could learn, so I will probably continue learning a lot in the future -- including a lot of practical and self-sufficiency tools.
8. When I look back on my past overall I see many positive, happy-making things, despite my depressions and worrying and disappointments, so I should enjoy all the moments I have now so I enjoy the present as much or more than I did the past. I won't take happy things for granted anymore.
9. I really wanted to be in a caring, intense, devoted relationship with Him, but now I have that with Michael whom always loves and respects me and we provide each other with many wonderful things and feelings. Things turned out for the best, even though I was traumatized with him. It will get easier with the passage of time.
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