unico_love: (Delight)
Today I was not very anxious. I did feel like fainting when I woke up, though. My head felt heavy and cold, my hands felt cold. Upon standing, I swayed and saw black. So after breakfast (oatmeal) and not feeling better, I had some chicken, which helped very quickly. It had been a couple days since I'd had meat. I'm super reliant on it. I'm going to try rice and beans since it's supposed to also be a complete protein. I felt tired from the Valerian I took earlier and laid down in bed for awhile. I finished reading a book. I felt steady enough to shower and afterwards I was freezing cold.

I received Cinderella the dvd/Blu-ray combo in the mail today, as well as my neuro/cardio bill. I was charged nothing for neuro, presumably because I had Medicaid as well as Medicare then. I was charged $80 for cardio, after I was taken off Medicaid. I just paid the bill to not deal with the hassle, though I hope I get re-approved for Medicaid. I think with my bank statement I have a good chance.

Michael and Dan went on a trip up to eastern Wisconsin, just past the Illinois border, looking at a bunch of stores. I was picked up by our friend Kat and brought to her condo where a group was playing Scrabble and Bananagrams and I watched (by choice). We talked and I had peppermint tea and we ate veggie pizza. I ate three pieces. I don't know why I didn't get full sooner... And now I'm paying for it with bad gas -- bloated and abdominal cramping. I'm drinking more peppermint tea to see if that helps.

Now I'm back at home, drinking tea, about to take my meds, and I've turned on the heat to 68 degrees. I'm probably going to sleep in the clothes I'm wearing and just take my bra off and wear lots of layers (I'm wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt, thermal leggings, lounge pants, as well as a fleece sweater. It's probably about time to wash and put away the new jersey sheets and put on the old flannel sheets. Then eventually the fleece.

My goals for tomorrow:
-Pick up clutter
-Put old vacuum into my brother's car, as well as other recyclable electronics
-Rearrange bookshelves and get rid of more books possibly
-Work on CBT book
-Journal
-Read
-Watch movie
-Back up everything onto my external hard drive
-Clean the litterboxes
-Dust
-Email/Internet stuff
-See if I have any more clothes to get rid of
-Put away/break down boxes

I've broken a couple rules and bought myself 2 $0.01 books from amazon.com the past 2 days. They require $3.99 shipping, so really it's $8.00. I already have books to read!>_< I'm also craving clothes, but I just bought clothes. So maybe this is less superficial of me? We can only hope... I also finished buying Michael's birthday presents and paid my hospital bill and ambulance bill. I paid rent and credit card and netflix. My major bills in waiting that are unavoidable: electric, gas, Valium, and cat food. Other things I will spring for are: food/coffee out with friends and the pumpkin farm. Maybe I will find myself up to buying some Christmas presents early. Who knows? I will wait until later in the month in case of more unexpected bills before I buy anything unnecessary and unexpected. I'd love to use my credit card barely at all so next month I have more money in my checking account and can pay back my $80 for the external hard drive back to my packet of savings. That would be a good start on my quest for saving. A quest that mostly will have to wait until after Christmas.
unico_love: Snow White (innocence unicorn)
Today has been a pretty good day. I received a very sweet message from a friend, received my final two bras in the mail.Bra TMI Again )

Michael and I watched the first hour of The Lord of the Rings final movie. I don't have much attention span for movies or television so we're breaking it up into four parts instead of just two. I read more of the Philip K Dick Exegesis book and checked out two more books from the library on the topic of obsessive love (I've read the books before, but don't clearly remember them).

I had to take a Klonopin around 5pm due to anxiety, but at least it's only been 2mg the past two times. It's really helping... My brother brought me home a giant hamburger with pesto sauce, green peppers, and tomato, but I'm too full to eat most of it:( I will eat most of it tomorrow. My mother also bought me a cherry Arctic Rush from Dairy Queen. My mother had to go to Dairy Queen to get her boyfriend Dilly bars because he feels really sick and is craving them. I hope he feels better soon...

I will probably try to go to bed early tonight so I don't wake up so late tomorrow.
unico_love: (Possession)
Did errands today. Probably won't get around to painting, but I will at least find a reference picture for the rabbit for the baby shower painting. Maybe I will paint the outline of the rabbit. For errands we went to ALDI (a grocery store) for bottled water, then Caribou Coffee where I bought Michael and myself a frappuccino (yay! I finally spelled that word right!). Then we went to Comcast to return the cable boxes. That was kind of a long drive. We went to Target for Michael and I bought Chobani yogurt. They were out of vanilla, which disappointed me. Then I noticed they sold pomegranate Chobani yogurt! I had never realized this! I love anything pomegranate! So I bought the last three. And that is what I will try eating today. I am excited:-)

Also now I really want to win that Jason Wu auction. It will never happen and I'm sure there will be a bidding war at the end, but I can dream:P I swear next month I will go on a financial fast. No shopping, no new books. I have plenty of books and libraries. I have plenty of perfectly good clothes. I want to save money so I can go on trips and so forth.
unico_love: (sailor moon beauty)
Well I have decided what I am going to paint, partly thanks to my friend Maria. I'm going to paint bicyclists on a nature path. I did a pastel drawings of bicyclists in high school and won a cash prize for it. It will be a challenge with acrylic paints, but hopefully I can pull it off:-)

I started reading a fascinating book called Cloaked by the author of Beastly, Alex Flinn. I will read more of that tonight.

I've been spending a lot of time on Personality Cafe and PM'ing with one member about literature. She's the same super mature and intelligent 19 year old I mentioned before. I am inspired to read biographies on Emily Dickinson now. I've always related to her and adored her poetry and I'd like to see more about her. My mother used to compare me to Andy Warhol when teachers would complain about how difficult and sensitive I was, though upon reading biographies on him I don't really relate to him. I'm weird, yes, but a different kind of weird. Probably more of an Emily Dickinson weird;-)

I've also been editing more of my poems, some on my recovery from anorexia. Some are rather dark, but I like a lot of them, even in retrospect. They are very honest.

I became a little depressed tonight, but it's under control. I took extra Neurontin (not too much). It's helping. I think I'm still just a little ashamed and on-edge. I have this weird thing where I don't need everyone to like me, but I don't deal well when people think I'm a bad or mean person.:( It seems a lot more personal if someone thinks you're a bad person...
unico_love: (red rose girl)
My brother bought me a very expensive sandwich today! I requested he and my mother buy me one after my brother got off work because the deli is near there. I thought it would maybe cost $4, but it cost $8! It was just a chicken sandwich with pesto, tomatoes, and bean sprouts (and cheese, which I removed). It was really good... I was so hungry by the time I got it. Now Michael and Dan are out dropping off a couple prescriptions for me and going to the grocery store. I need more Chobani vanilla yogurt. I'm glad I get to stay in. I've been spending a lot of time talking to the people in the forum I frequent. Some of them are very wise... Especially this one girl whom I thought was at least in her 30's, but she's only 19! She's way more mature than me. I like her.
unico_love: (Possession)
I have a stomachache right now:( I'm too full. I feel bad that I had to take Klonopin again this evening for anxiety. Neurontin works great on my morning anxiety and lasts me a long time. I often forget to take my second dose for awhile because I still feel fine. However, my second dose neither gets rid of already existing anxiety nor prevents it from returning. Even when I take 2 pills (600mg) I tend not to feel better. I can't go back to taking Klonopin daily because it will probably stop working for me again. Last night I didn't have any anxiety. It all seems very random...

I started (finally) reading a new book today -- The Witch Must Die. And Michael and I are watching the anime Dunbine from 1983. I finished my painting yesterday. Not sure what I'm going to paint next.
unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
I'm feeling a little irritable right now, but I don't know why... I will probably take my night medications soon and try to meditate. I tried calling Amber, but she didn't answer her cellphone. I miss her... Michael and Dan went out to stores for stuff for Michael's Gundam models. They will probably get back late, as usual. I might go out with a friend (Teal) tomorrow morning, so I shouldn't stay up late. I am craving chocolate chip muffins. I love them so much! Today has been pretty ordinary. Dan is spending the night because it is very cold tonight and he usually lives out of his car.
unico_love: (Delight)
I'm mad at myself for not getting done what I want to do. I spend too much time looking at random things online. I still haven't exercised because of my stomach. I'm hoping late this afternoon my nausea will be gone so I can exercise. I went to bed pretty early last night. I just felt really tired. Today I'm going to do tarot and meditate, read my new book (The Thorn and the Blossom by Theodora Goss), edit poems, and paint. I just took my shower not long ago. I think I will start with editing poems...
unico_love: (yellow girl with rose)
Today is my first day without Ritalin LA and my appetite is insanely huge.:( I have more healthy foods to eat now, though. Michael went to the grocery store without me since it's huge sensory overload for me (he's mostly fine in a crowd as long as nobody is chewing gum or typing). I'm having the desire to eat when I'm not even hungry. I just ate an apple and a bunch of tomatoes... I will be having a hamburger for dinner, with ketchup. Michael is making the hamburgers now.

Despite all the eating, my stomach is still a bit upset. I don't know if I will complete The Thirty Day Shred tonight. If I don't, I will at least do stretching exercises.

I also really want to do a tarot reading tonight. Painting and editing my poems went fine. I've watched all The Facts of Life other than their trip to Paris, though I will check youtube, etc. for it later. I also would like to catch up in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic series. I'm also going to do more reading. I have the latest manga of Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Raising Shinji Ikari Project to read. Not to mention several books from Christmas...
unico_love: (sailor moon beauty)
Today has gone pretty well, though Michael is sick, which lowers his tolerance of his sensory issues. For instance, in church today Michael had to leave towards the end, not because of gum chewing (like usual), but because of sniffling. Though he himself was sniffling, incidentally. We came home right after church.

I've been spending a lot of time online and finished reading In the Name of Honor by Richard North Patterson, our book for church book club.

This is what I want to accomplish tonight:
-Doing The 30 Day Shred
-Painting (for a short while)
-Watching Kobato or Jem
-Call Amber
-Meditate
-Do a tarot reading
-Edit poems

I will probably do the tarot reading first...

I'm feeling pretty good about myself lately. My depression is under control, my anxiety often isn't as bad (though I still need something for anxiety), my self-esteem is better, I don't hate the way I look so much (despite not liking what the scale tells me). My new Aveda skin products from Teal are really great. My skin is in good condition right now.
unico_love: (Delight)
I keep having stomach cramps, sometimes to the point I feel like I will throw up. My digestive system is a little messed up, I think. I don't know if it's the Zoloft or something else.

Michael's replacement phone wasn't working properly last night, but right now it seems to be. Hopefully it will continue to work. That was a huge problem and caused Michael to have a meltdown. I didn't exercise yesterday because the phone thing happened right when I was intending to exercise and then I was too drained from Michael's meltdown and just wanted to go to bed.

I want to start a new painting today, but haven't yet figured out what I will paint. I think a city scene. I will have to look through my photographs. I will at least outline the painting today or put down a layer of paint.

We are probably going to Naperville today to pick up a phone from Michael's sister that he could possibly use if his current replacement phone stops working again. We will also be seeing friends.

I only read a little bit yesterday. I hope to read more today. I probably will at the friend's house while they play video games or watch a movie.

I also should edit more poems today. And I should get back into writing them. I just feel like I need to catch up in the editing, but that's going to take me months, so I should probably just start writing new poems again, too.
unico_love: (Unico)
Today has been a pretty good day, though not productive. Michael and I returned to Hobby Lobby to buy me more canvases for 40% off. I started a new painting, though I haven't yet finished my former painting. I'm watching Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas, given to me as an early Christmas present. I've read a bit and edited some poems. I watched more Facts of Life. I dropped my obsession books off with my psychologist. Zoloft is still working magic and my anxiety is mostly under control and I'm not at all depressed. I have decided to take Ritalin LA in the early evening instead of the morning because it helps with my night anxiety (my day anxiety is totally controlled by Zoloft now) and suppresses my giant appetite and cravings that make me binge eat at night. Tomorrow I will paint the head of a dragon and a parrot. I might just outline it and do the scales. I tend to paint in short spurts now. It seems less overwhelming that way. Despite my healthier diet, I'm debating getting Chinese food tomorrow (just 2 egg rolls and a small fried rice) and eating a little bit of it for several days. I was able to find some caloric information, though I know that won't be completely accurate from restaurant to restaurant. I've been reading From Girl to Goddess and will probably watch Project A-Ko with Michael tonight.
unico_love: (Unico)
A bad day and a good day. So far it's ending as a good day:-) Michael had some problems with Target last night (he had things on hold that were no longer on hold for him when he got there) and then today (not clear on what went wrong at Target today). Michael got massively lost trying to get to a friend's house to help him with antivirus stuff (this friend and his parents are more computer illiterate than even me). Michael calmed down then and had a much easier time making it home. He brought me back a blueberry cake doughnut that I ate with a small glass of milk. I love milk and tend to drink it with brownies, cake, cookies, doughnuts -- basically sweets of any kind, other than ice cream (which provides the milk for me;-). We watched Glee online. It got cut off at the very end, though:( Which is too bad because I'd like some reliable streaming for Glee since it's on the same night as my church's Crafting and Conversation.

We're going to email a nearby church member about carpooling to Crafting and Conversation. It would help a lot with gas. April brought up maybe visiting for a short while Tuesday night, but we love Crafting:( I am learning sign language there. I'm having trouble remembering K, P, and T. Pictures online don't help me. It's hard for me to convert something two dimensional into something three dimensional. I will just get some more assistance at church. They do have a sign language class on Mondays, but we're already using up so much gas for the church.:( Yoga will be held once a month again and I'm looking forward to that.

I wasn't too anxious today until I realized, by idly checking amazon, that my Sailor Moon and Codename: Sailor V manga had been delivered September 13th and I never received them! Someone would have brought them in from the porch. I think someone stole them. The money had been deducted from my bank account for them and I'd even written it in my checking account the day before arrival. I just forgot... But fortunately Michael called amazon and got to talk to someone right away about what happened and they are overnight shipping replacements for me! That made me really happy. Unfortunately Michael noticed my big surprise present for his birthday in my amazon.com account:( That made me feel bad...

Now I'm going to do some yoga and maybe meditate. I also want to read more (finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife). And I should clean the toilets and sink.
unico_love: (red rose girl)
200: whatever suits your fancy.( a picture, random facts, what you did today, your plans for tomorrow)

Today Michael and I went to The Little Red School House, where he had gone on field trips as a child and my mother did, as well. I don't think I've ever been there. There was a "house" with lots of geographic and environmental details, information, maps, and models. There were some live and stuffed animals native to our area. Then we went on the nature trail where we took some pictures. It was about a 2 mile walk. It was mostly in the shade, though, due to all the foliage.

After that we went to Walmart and Target and then to eat at Michael's favorite pizza place. Then we went back to Walmart to buy me nectarines, bananas, and a half-gallon of vanilla almond milk. I'm going to try to make the almond milk last as long as possible because I love it and we can't afford to buy it regularly. I wish I liked soy milk, as it is cheaper.

Michael mowed some of the lawn and it's raining now. I'm trying to unwind and then Michael and I will watch something together.

365 Day Meme )
unico_love: (childlike empress)
I'm glad LiveJournal seems to be working again. I have had bad focus lately... I did manage to finish a painting, do some poetry writing, and read some of Borges. I've also still had dumb television shows playing in the background. I just like at least playing a dvd in the background so I don't feel so alone (Michael is often in his room and today he's been at his parents' homes). I haven't been too depressed lately, but many days I still struggle with anxiety. I went swimming a bit earlier today. I will swim more this week (my mother's boyfriend's pool). I am still obsessing over clothes and thinking about what I would like to buy. Fortunately I'm not giving into temptation. Today my mother tried to teach me how to balance my checkbook. Hopefully I will do better at it from now on...
unico_love: (Strange Beauty)
Today Michael and I went to visit April in the hospital. She gave birth to a baby girl yesterday. We didn't stay for too long, but it was fun. I've never seen such a newborn baby before. I haven't spent much time around babies. Traffic wasn't bad. I've been feeling full more easily today which is confusing my body and mind. Michael and I watched more Marmalade Boy together. I read more Borges. Hope to finally finish the fiction collection of his soon. I hope to read more tomorrow and work on my painting. I'm obsessing about various things and that's getting in the way of me accomplishing more.

Okay Day

Jul. 17th, 2011 07:52 pm
unico_love: (Cat mask)
Today went pretty well aside from me getting triggered about my body image. I slept in late because Michael had bad insomnia and didn't feel well so we skipped church. A church friend said it was pretty boring, anyways. I still hate missing church:( I read 100 pages of my Russian fairy tales book, which was my goal. I'm going to do a tarot reading momentarily and hopefully some meditation. I would like to do some yoga/stretches a bit later tonight (maybe while watching something with Michael?)

Wow, I started this post a long time ago and forgot about it. I'm making a list of food to eat and I still am sitting on the futon. I will finish soon, though. We went out to dinner for my brother's birthday, which went okay.
unico_love: (Delight)
Today Michael and I returned home and then quickly drove to the train station and arrived just as Izzy's train was pulling in. We went out to Woodfield Mall (a very large mall) and I bought new underwear that I found much more attractive than the current designs/patterns at Victoria's Secret. I went to Aerie, which is part of American Eagle Outfitters. I am sure I will buy from there again. Izzy and I tried on clothes elsewhere, too, and she bought a top. We then went to IKEA and looked around and then ate there really cheaply. Then we went to Meijer and then the Japanese marketplace, Mitsuwa. Izzy found some snacks that reminded her of places she's lived in the past in East Asia and bought those. We stopped at ALDI for groceries, though I stayed in the car. I was getting anxious because we were out of water (we take bottled water with us usually) and I worried I'd need to take an anxiety pill or nausea pill and wouldn't be able to (I can't swallow pills without liquid). I fortunately didn't panic too bad. Then we got back home and I took my second dose of Ritalin LA which helped with the anxiety aspect. Izzy's computer is hooked up to the internet now and I'm probably going to bed soon. Maybe I will sleep in tomorrow. Probably, knowing me. I'm glad Izzy is here and we've had a fun day:-)
unico_love: (Delight)
Today I went with my mother and Michael to the fair in Wheaton. We arrived early, though, so a lot of things weren't set up:-( Michael bought me a little ceramic unicorn (white with a pink mane and horn) and he bought himself an ostrich marionette. My mother bought flip-flops with ribbons on them. I just finished eating some fried rice I bought from the nearby Chinese restaurant. Michael is eating pizza. I'm finally getting too hot so I turned on the air-conditioner. Tomorrow I'm supposed to see April and Phil! I haven't seen them for almost a month. I'll try to do some writing and meditating today. I still have a bad cough.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I'll do yesterday, since it's still early today.

My cats urinated on Michael's stuff. Michael left. I looked at the computer, talked to Maria, watched Wedding Peach, painted, read, my Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealers dvd arrived and I watched it, I did yoga and meditation, I did a tarot reading, I burned my food, I looked at internet forums, I talked to Michael, I went to bed and had insomnia so I took Klonopin.

365 Day Meme )

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