Journey through Faerieland

I miss my father. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense, since I have PTSD due to him, but there were a lot of good times with him -- especially before he got totally crazy. Even after he got totally crazy he had his good times. He used to be close to our cat Riff Raff, a big semi-feral black cat. Riff Raff would yowl and rub against my father's legs as my father stood in the kitchen, listening to the radio and drinking beer. I guess those weren't fun times *for me*, but I find the fact that my father liked a cat to be endearing. We're also planning to go to Disney World (hopefully September, but possibly August so my brother can go to culinary school in the fall). My father always took us to Disney World. I feel guilty that the last few years we went I was cold to him and refused to ride with him and even convinced him not to go on a ride with us once. What he did was wrong, but he was mentally ill... I know he really did love all of us.

Probably sometime when at Disney World.

( 365 Day Meme )

To live at Disney World!

( 365 Day Meme )

I'm obsessing over Disney World right now. They are always changing things, which I guess can be an attractive quality to some people, and I often like their new attractions, but I miss what they get rid of:-( They are getting rid of Mickey's Toontown Fair to expand Fantasyland. I don't want that to disappear, but my mother doesn't care as it's her least favorite part of Disney World. I think they are just expanding Fantasyland so there are meeting places for the princess characters. That won't be finished by the time I return to Disney World, but Mickey's Toontown Fair will be gone. I wish I could go to Disney World more often... And I hope Michael is in good physical health when we go.

My favorite place is Disney World and it always has been. My parents took me there all my life, since I was an infant. I went on Space Mountain when I was three years old:) Back then they had age requirements instead of height requirements, so even though I was a small three-year old I could ride. We always stay at the Polynesian Resort. I intend to go back there with Michael a year from now (probably late September). My mother has always been obsessed with Disney so the Disney Channel, Disney toys, Disney movies, and Disney decor in my childhood bedroom was what I grew up with. I often think of Disney World to cheer myself up. It would be great to go to all the Disney parks someday...

( 30 Day Meme List )

I'm still thinking a lot about Disney World:) I pre-ordered a big book on Disney World during 2011 and amazon.com says it should be sent around September 1, so we'll see. I don't know if Michael and I will be going by ourselves (probably not -- I think my mother is coming with). It's possible someone else will come, too. The more the merrier, in my opinion:) I miss Disney World so much and I'm so excited about returning. I can't wait to read the book and see what new things will be going on in 2011. I hope they will still be replaying Captain EO at the time we go. I remember that from childhood. I'm reading the Disney website right now when I could be doing something more productive.

It's hard for me to post about things making me happy without just turning them into gratitude posts... I want there to be a difference. Anyways, I'm feeling a lot better about Amber recently. I do think of her a lot and just wrote her a (regular) letter, but I know I have to be patient with her and I'm very glad we email and are on good terms with each other. Facebook allows me more insight into her life and to see pictures (mainly of her horses, one of whom I've met). Maybe my relationship with Amber isn't what I'd ideally like it to be right now, but it's good and could very well improve in the future. I also like talking to her husband. He seems caring and patient.

Yesterday at the scrapbooking party Phil offered to drive me home whenever I needed to which was very sweet and considerate. It helped me to calm down and enjoy the rest of my time there. I'm really lucky to have April and Phil as friends. They don't stress me out, I get to do new activities with them in a comfortable environment, and I have fond memories featuring them. I do wish I had more friends in the area, but having Michael, April, and Phil is very comforting and fulfilling.

I might also start penpaling with more people. I have a list of two new names (one of a girl I went to college with). I'd like to mail letters and maybe we can also email or add each other on Facebook. I don't have too many Facebook friends, but I like the ones I have:-) I wish more people from my past would add me. I'm too shy and insecure to add many people myself. I know that's something I need to work on. Rejection isn't the end of the world.

I can't wait until Michael moves in so he can have his space and I can have mine. Then I will write more while he is around and just in his own room. When he visits I tend to write less since typing bothers him and we're often doing things together. I look forward to sharing a life with him and things will be fun. I especially look forward to showing him Disney World! We will probably go late September of 2011. I'm already excited about it! Disney World has fond memories for me and it's a sanctuary. I feel safe and loving there. I've been going there since infancy.

Overall my life is pretty good now, but I have to work on my anxiety levels. I get anxiety about getting anxiety (I think I get anxiety in fear of having panic attacks, like in Panic Disorder). Fortunately my anxiety medication greatly helps me.

I'm still so tired... I was dreaming about being in school, but it wasn't a real school. There was some kind of weird stuff going on, but I don't remember what, though I was running around a lot. I want to go back to bed. I have a hospital bill I don't want to look at, though it probably hasn't been submitted to Medicare yet so I probably don't have to pay yet. I've also been thinking about Disney World and how I desperately want to go but we probably can't afford the hotel and room we usually stay in (Concierge lagoon view in the second most expensive Disney World hotel -- but we didn't have to pay for concierge; we'd just get to stay there because there were extra rooms in that building). I don't like change.