Journey through Faerieland

Today I had difficulty getting my contacts in and it took a long time, which is pretty usual for me. However the right eye was hurting much more than usual when I'd try to put it in. It's also only a few days old and I didn't want it to go to waste. Then I found out I was trying to put two contacts in my right eye at the same time!:( They were layered. That means I didn't throw out my old lense and I have no idea what the new lense is and what the old lense is. I put one in and I'm hoping it's the right one and doesn't cause me any problems. I have no medical coverage for eye appointments or contacts/glasses, so it's expensive for me (especially with toric lenses); I don't want to waste any lenses.

I'm feeling in a little cheerier mood right now. I don't really know why. My nose is still runny and my eyelids are puffy and red so I still feel gross. I'm going to try reading in a minute. I lost my place in my book so I have to go search for where I was. Right now I'm not really having obsessive thoughts besides the nostalgia, and it feels like a more positive nostalgia right now. I'm going to try hard to focus on the present and enjoying the present. Last night I was actually able to sleep without pain or feeling like I was going to vomit. I'm going to the bathroom again (though I did take Miralax again yesterday morning...) Hopefully all will stay improved now. I forgot to add to my gratitudes last night the "Get Well" card my friend Maria sent me. I have great friends... I'd like to make an appointment for an eye exam and more contacts, but I don't know how much it will cost and I likely have a bunch of medical bills that will come in. That probably won't be for a little while, though, so maybe I can even have that appointment later this month. I miss wearing contacts... I don't like myself in glasses. I'm glad my mother is returning today. Maybe one night while Michael is gone I will spend the night at my mother's house or my mother's boyfriend's house. It tends to soothe me and feels very relaxing. After Michael leaves I'm going to put on My Little Pony and Care Bears. I also need to watch a lot more of Gargoyles on youtube.

I must be putting the wrong contacts in the wrong eyes or something. I tried putting them in the opposite eye a little while ago and didn't notice a difference, but I might have messed up and put them back in the same eyes. I will try switching them again tomorrow. I just took them out and tried my glasses and I see just fine! This is a big relief. I can easily put off seeing the eye doctor for awhile still and hopefully won't need a prescription change and can just order more contacts. One less immediate financial burden to worry about. And my sensitive tooth hasn't been bothering me, so hopefully I can hold off on the dentist, too.

Yesterday I had my appointment for contacts, which I haven't had in a long time due to not wearing contacts much (because of my eye problems I wrote a ton about last year). The doctor I saw was surprised my surgeon said I could wear contacts again (he did, he just said to be careful). Now I have to use some kind of hydrogen peroxide solution to soak my soft contacts in overnight, and I have to use a can of saline to moisturize them, because canned saline is preservative-free. She went into how unusual my eye situation is, blah, blah, same as always. She thinks I might also be developing an allergy to typical contact solutions because they can make my eyes sting. She wanted me to try some kind of new daily disposable contacts, but they are really expensive, so I'm not doing that. My eyelid surgeon wanted me to get some kind of Lasik eye surgery, and this woman did as well, and they always go into how many different ways there are to do the surgery now. I started looking into Lasik and similar procedures when I was 16, and last year I was told by two doctors that I can't get it. One doctor said my pupils are too big, the other said my left cornea is dangerously thin. My left eye is already near useless for me, compared to the right. My left retina spontaneously detached itself when I was 15 and I was completely blind in that eye for 6 months (I didn't realize this was a real problem, nor did I know how to express it in any way anyone took seriously -- it's considered to require emergency surgery so 6 months is a very long time). I'm lucky I have any sight in my left eye back, but my vision is only so correctable in it... Meaning, continuing to increase my prescription wouldn't make the vision any clearer; a prescription helps a lot, but my left eye pretty much just stays annoyingly blurry (but much better than it could have been; I used to not be able to see light even). So I just hope nothing bad happens to my right eye! My right eyelid, though, was the one with all the scar tissue from contacts.

I was recommended to start wearing contacts (hard lenses if possible for me, which it wasn't, and I'm fortunate since that would have probably made my eyelid scarring much worse than with the soft lenses). My prescription kept getting worse with glasses, but completely stabilized after I switched to contacts. I used to always break my glasses, they always felt dirty to me, always fell down my nose and got in the way, and there was always tons of glare (even with the expensive lenses to prevent them). Not to mention in vision screening I simply do not see nearly as well with glasses as with contacts, even with the same prescription. I really hate glasses, though I wear them nearly as often as contacts since my contacts problems.

I think I get to re-see the doctor about Lasik in January (he suggested I come back in a year to check on my cornea). I really really want some kind of surgery on my eyes, just so long as I don't go blind in my right eye.