Journey through Faerieland

I'm reading Purity of the Heart is to Will One Thing, by Soren Kierkegaard, one of my favorite authors. I really relate to his ideals and experiences. This book has been very uplifting for me and I agree with a lot of it. He's a Christian writer, but this book has a lot of Buddhist undertones and in many ways is practical about coping through life and maintaining a desire to create love in the world. So I would recommend it, certainly, for non-Christians, as well. I'm about halfway through right now.

Quotes that are helping me right now:

"But here on earth, Good is often temporarily rewarded by ingratitude, by lack of appreciation, by poverty, by contempt, by many sufferings, and now and then by death. It is not this reward to which we refer when we say that the Good has its reward. Yet this is the reward that comes in the external world and that comes first of all. And it is precisely this reward which the man is anxious about, who wills the Good for the sake of no reward" (72).

"Oh, Though the Good's wonderful at-oneness with thyself that protects thee from being deceived! When, for the sake of the reward, a double-minded person only pretends to will the Good, and he seems to get the reward, nevertheless he does not get it. For that which he gets, he does not get as reward--for the Good. So far is he from getting it as reward that rather at that very moment that he receives the Good, he discovers that the reward has vanished" (73).

I forgot when I was really depressed how much better reading Kierkegaard could make me feel. Looking back on everything that has happened recently, I possibly relate even better to what Kierkegaard wrote. It all makes sense to me in my life and my hardest times, as well as my ideals and highest goals. There's still a lot more by him I want to read... My approach toward life and my more religious experiences make sense and fit very well with his ideas (and his experiences in some ways, from what little I know of his actual life experiences...) Focusing on all of that, his philosophy and my feelings/thoughts in my greatest and most transcendent states of mind, helps me move forward and not shatter so terrible. It all reminds me of how I blow things out of proportion, hyperfocus on details that really don't affect (or at least don't hurt) anyone but me. I need to "get over myself" in a lot of ways, get out of myself instead of dwelling on the past and getting lost in my emotions and desires. I know I'm not the most selfish person ever to exist, I'm not saying that or making some kind of exaggeration, but there is a distinct correlation between my deepest points of selfishness/self-centered concern and my deepest depression/most cruel acts. The more I feel I'm transcending my "self," the more relaxed and strong I feel. I don't know, I just hope someday to become a better person. There are so many things I am trying to work on and be aware of.