Journey through Faerieland

I had nightmares last night. Bleh. People I don't want in my dreams. Though I did have a humorous dream the other night where I went someplace with Amber's mother and she had a new, very short, haircut and I said it was "edgy" and she really liked that compliment. I might just go back to bed and read. I didn't feel sick this morning because I took my pills with food (in two groups of 3 pills instead of 3 groups of 2 pills). That was good. And I should take a shower soon and try and put in contacts. I hate contacts, but I also hate glasses:-/

Lately I've been doing a lot of talking in my sleep and even sleep eating. I don't remember any of it -- Michael has to tell me. Last night I said something about an apartment and kept muttering and he told me he thought I was half asleep and I replied "no I'm not" (I was). I have been talking about lots of random things. And I would go to bed hungry and get up and eat (usually chocolate) with my eyes closed and stumble back in bed still eating, getting chocolate all over my pillow case. Michael witnessed this too. I also don't remember this. This morning I got mad at my mother for taking my granola and milk out of the refrigerator but I apparently must have done this myself and gone back to sleep.

Last night I woke up with hot flashes again. I'm not sure how often I get them because often I'm only half-awake from them. I was also hungry again and got up to eat pudding and spilled some on the floor and thought I was going to throw up. I also talked while half asleep saying things like "Kyle XY," "the neighbor," and "Depeche Mode." I do remember getting very irate when Michael said I wasn't making sense, but I have no idea what I was trying to say. I slept a lot, again, due to medication. Hopefully I won't get tired in the afternoon like I have been.

I just took my morning medication. I'm so anxious and upset. I woke up just now from bad dreams about cruises and hair dyeing. I don't remember exactly how they were bad, but they were extremely uncomfortable. I want to go back to bed but I feel like I should stay up. Maybe I will try and read a short story soon and see how awake I feel then. I am also expected a call from my mother this morning. We might pick Michael up since his friend who would drive him here still doesn't have his license back.

From literaryquotes

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

- Yeats, He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven

I'm sick with a cold. My house is rather cold, too, to try and save on heating costs. I'm reading and listening to music while in bed. It's kind of hard to think; my thoughts are slowed down. My mother has left for an overnight trip and I'm watching her dog.

I had a weird dream last night of saving Jewish people from another Holocaust but they were all on a huge green boat and there was a 24 hour radio program they would host at a different location and they would row in these shaky-looking innertubes over to the radio station. There was a man who looked like the guy on the frozen fish packages who was trying to tear down a boatful of the Jewish people coming from the radio station. He was trying to get aboard. I was trying to stop him. Don't know what that means:-P

Usually my dreams are bad and very intense. They often make my mood and mental state worse. However, the other night I had a dream that actually corrected a problem I was having in real life. Something earlier that day really upset me and made me feel powerless (there was nothing I could do about the situation). That night I had a dream with relevant circumstances where, for me, it was like events occured to alleviate my anxiety and stress. It was a situation that balanced my negative experiences and feelings and doubts from before. Although the simulated dream events didn't actually occur in real life, it still made me feel more at peace. I don't know if I have ever had that happen before...

I've seen several films by Takashi Miike lately. Basically, really messed up movies with bizarre violence and truly disturbing characters! I saw Ichi the Killer before I went to bed last night and I was plagued by nightmares. I tend to wake up a lot during the night, but often after I fall asleep again I go right back into my dream or a very similar dream world. Last night I dreamed that my life had been turned into a Miike film. It's true that, just like in my real every day life, I was mostly on the sidelines watching the disturbing things happen, but it was still "my life" and it was still totally upsetting! My heart was pounding after I woke. Eventually in my last dream before I got up, I was no longer living in a "real" Miike-type universe, and instead Miike was there with his creative team, reminiscing about the movies they made and Ichi the Killer's placement among the other movies. I somehow worked for Miike and the others (cinematographer, etc.); the world around us was very fake looking and set-like. I had helped paint some of it and someone was criticizing me for making overly oval (instead of round) designs on the "sky." I guess that helped transition me a bit back to waking life, but I was very shaken up for several hours, very depressed and out of sorts.

I felt better after watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. With movies like that, everything just seems to be "okay." It's my brother's copy that he left behind.

Sometimes I have this weird sleep problem where I'm partly awake and partly asleep. I'm dreaming, but often I have my eyes open and can also see what's physically in front of me, and I can't move. It can be pretty scary, partly even just because the dreams I have are usually in some way disturbing. I had this problem again the other day and it really scared me. I think it happened because I really wanted to wake up and was struggling to be awake and get up, but just couldn't, and I ended up being trapped in a dream again. I saw the sunlight and everything in my room, then I had a hallucination my mother came in the room. My thoughts expanded and I pictured the rest of my house and all sorts of other (nonexistent) rooms of dark wood and crimson paint popped up, and I saw my brother talking to a lawyer about changing his name. These scenes peeled back like old paint, revealing again my sunlit bedroom, though I still couldn't move. I hate when I feel confused like that, and especially when I can't move. Sleep paralysis, maybe? I have all kinds of sleep problems...