365 Day Meme: Day 3: what you think your reason for being here is

I think my reason for being here is to learn to love and to forgive, to learn to cope with difficult situations without losing hope, love, or compassion, and to make positive impressions on human beings and the world at large. In my own, tiny way:-)


( 365 Day Meme )

First Yoga Class (with April)

Today started off difficult with me worrying about finances and feeling guilty. I'm less worried about money now. I think I can keep myself from spending foolishly and I have less expenses next month. I redid my budget and added in an extra $50 for unexpected expenses, which will help. I also bought supplements this month that will last me for several months. I'm going to save a bit each month for a passport.

I read a lot of today and played some Solitaire. I felt anxious (partly worrying April would back out). Tonight April and I went to our first yoga class at the Unitarian Universalist Church. April was having morning sickness, but I convinced her to go. Luckily, by then she had started feeling better. The class was pretty full, but not overwhelming. There were some beginners, like me, who had never taken the class, and it was a "gentle" class as the instructor said. Still, there were some postures that had more complicated elements you could add to them to make it more difficult. I was able to do all the poses and was probably the most flexible in the class. But some of the members were middle-aged or older women. For one position (a more complicated version people could do after getting in the starting pose) the woman next to me said "no one can do that," but I did and she commented to me about it ("You can do it! I just said nobody could do it!"). I felt very relaxed during the class and not at all anxious. My thoughts were slowed down and I felt good. I was actually able to meditate, too.

I'm reconsidering taking adult ballet and think I may focus on yoga instead. I love ballet and could still practice some of the exercises I used to do in ballet for warm up, etc. It's just that sometimes ballet made me anxious (as did gymnastics); feelings of competition and embarrassment if I didn't get something right away. Also I have trouble immediately remembering what the French ballet words mean. Maybe someday I will change my mind and want to take ballet, but for now yoga seems better for my mental state. I want to start doing yoga instead of just stretches. I have to hold the poses longer for a better workout and I need to turn off all external stimuli and focus on my breathing. I would love to be able to develop the self-control to work on yoga on my own so I don't later on have to pay for a class.

5 Gratitudes

1. Reading more of Waking Rose
2. Going to a great yoga class
3. April and Phil going with me to yoga and picking me up, even though April felt sick
4. Feeling less worried about money than last night
5. Not really feeling depressed today