An Ordinary Day and Anxiety

LiveJournal is acting up for me, but so is the whole internet. It just seems now everything but LiveJournal is working again. I hope to finish reading Wizard and Glass today (I've just been reading about 100 pages a day of Stephen King's books). Michael and I will do the typical daily things we do, but I don't know if there's also something else we will do. If it's not too cold I'd like to go bike riding. I also intend to do more stretching, like last night. I don't really feel more flexible yet, but hopefully that will come. I wish my anxiety would stay away. Even when things are going well I feel anxious; I think this is because I've spent years being very anxious over select people and it's very difficult to let that pattern go. I feel a lot more kind and accepting when my anxiety is under control. It actually takes a whole lot for me to dislike a person usually (though usually when I dislike a person I seethe in anger...). I feel so much calmer and able to think clearly when my anxiety is controlled by my medications. Ideally I'd like to be able to cope with anxiety on my own, but it's still too severe and I need my life to feel more stabilized.

Feeling like I'm Letting God Down

Even though I don't fit into a specific religion's doctrine, I do believe in God and pray. I feel it's right to try and love every living thing (and nonliving things) unconditionally and treat them with respect. I don't always do this. I know everyone has issues and makes mistakes, but I know I am not doing my best. It's very easy for me to like people and to think positively of them, and it takes a lot for me to dislike someone, but I have certain triggers that make me lash out. That's inappropriate. Even if it's hard and I have to stand up for myself, I should do it calmly and with respect. And even if it's hard to love some people, I should try. Even when forgiveness is difficult because the person isn't at all sorry, I should be wary of them yet forgive them "for they know not what they do" as the saying goes. I want to be a kind person and not just to people where it's easy, but in difficult situations too. I want to reach the point where I always act out of love.

5 Gratitudes

1. Michael buying me ice cream and a few cookies
2. Going on a nice bike ride
3. Buying Michael a bird ocarina
4. Reading more of Wizard and Glass and Tarot as a Way of Life
5. Finding several pieces of clothing I was missing