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I'm putting this under a cut because I've been posting a lot here today. It's about our church meeting where a small group of people meet and talk about the church and fill out our pledge form for how much money we intend to donate June 2011-May 2012. They are called "cottage meetings."
I was super worried about the cottage meeting because I worried we would get lost and have trouble parking and possibly have to parallel park and crash into a car. I took a Klonopin to get myself to go and it made me more talkative, as usual. My autism often makes it hard for me to speak, especially in sensory overloading environments or to strangers. Each person seems like they speak a different language to me and it takes a lot of effort to get to know someone's mannerisms and ways of speaking.
We found the house without trouble and it was a small group of people. Michael and I were by far the youngest. There was an elderly lady there who had been attending the church for 50 years -- since it opened! Her middle-aged daughter was with her. Apparently her son agreed to go to two church services and the first one he went to recently and it was when they made the announcement that that day an elderly woman needed help moving apartments. He volunteered to lead the move! And the church people were worried no one would volunteer to even help move due to the short notice, but there were around 20 people who volunteered to help. There was some concern that the services included too much music now, but they all liked the sermons. I don't mind the music, but I also wouldn't mind longer sermons. Though I would prefer if they still were broken up into small pieces because that's easier for me to focus on (I'm NOT an auditory learner). There were yummy foods there and I wasn't even hungry, but I had a bunch of food because it all looked so good.
I put on a social mask to talk to the people. I hate calling it a "mask" though because I'm not being dishonest or portraying myself in an unathentic manner. I mean everything I say and I try to be honest, but I also try to be personable and put people at ease. I think that is my auxiliary extroverted feeling (Myers-Briggs/Jung personality typing). It is very important to me to have social harmony and for people to know I like them. My autism makes it difficult to understand strangers especially and it requires a lot of work and energy on my part to make small talk or to understand what people mean by certain statements and to find the right words to respond with. Despite being very social at this event and portraying myself well, I'm still definitely autistic and definitely an introvert. I used to put social masks like this on all the time back when I was in college. If I'm with my mother or with doctors I act as weird and autistic as feels natural to me. I also feel a lot of shame in that I don't work. That gives me a lot of social anxiety. Otherwise my social anxiety is mild and just stems from the fact that I'm likely to get overloaded around people and it's very draining. I do really like people, though.
I talked to one woman about tutoring writing and teaching ESL and I talked to one man about Alaska (both of us have been there) and Cornell College (he attended there).
I decided we should leave shortly after we filled out our pledge (we had been there about one hour and 20 minutes making mostly small talk and I didn't want to risk ruining my stride of good fortune in that department). It was also good we left because there was frozen liquid on Michael's car from the snow and that can make his doors not open. So it's good that we left. Michael was much more quiet than me. If I'm having a bad speech day and my autism is more evident he takes over social and I don't have to talk much, but overall I'd have to say he's more introverted than I am.
Now it's time to pack up my backpack, take my pills, spend time with Michael, and go to bed.
I was super worried about the cottage meeting because I worried we would get lost and have trouble parking and possibly have to parallel park and crash into a car. I took a Klonopin to get myself to go and it made me more talkative, as usual. My autism often makes it hard for me to speak, especially in sensory overloading environments or to strangers. Each person seems like they speak a different language to me and it takes a lot of effort to get to know someone's mannerisms and ways of speaking.
We found the house without trouble and it was a small group of people. Michael and I were by far the youngest. There was an elderly lady there who had been attending the church for 50 years -- since it opened! Her middle-aged daughter was with her. Apparently her son agreed to go to two church services and the first one he went to recently and it was when they made the announcement that that day an elderly woman needed help moving apartments. He volunteered to lead the move! And the church people were worried no one would volunteer to even help move due to the short notice, but there were around 20 people who volunteered to help. There was some concern that the services included too much music now, but they all liked the sermons. I don't mind the music, but I also wouldn't mind longer sermons. Though I would prefer if they still were broken up into small pieces because that's easier for me to focus on (I'm NOT an auditory learner). There were yummy foods there and I wasn't even hungry, but I had a bunch of food because it all looked so good.
I put on a social mask to talk to the people. I hate calling it a "mask" though because I'm not being dishonest or portraying myself in an unathentic manner. I mean everything I say and I try to be honest, but I also try to be personable and put people at ease. I think that is my auxiliary extroverted feeling (Myers-Briggs/Jung personality typing). It is very important to me to have social harmony and for people to know I like them. My autism makes it difficult to understand strangers especially and it requires a lot of work and energy on my part to make small talk or to understand what people mean by certain statements and to find the right words to respond with. Despite being very social at this event and portraying myself well, I'm still definitely autistic and definitely an introvert. I used to put social masks like this on all the time back when I was in college. If I'm with my mother or with doctors I act as weird and autistic as feels natural to me. I also feel a lot of shame in that I don't work. That gives me a lot of social anxiety. Otherwise my social anxiety is mild and just stems from the fact that I'm likely to get overloaded around people and it's very draining. I do really like people, though.
I talked to one woman about tutoring writing and teaching ESL and I talked to one man about Alaska (both of us have been there) and Cornell College (he attended there).
I decided we should leave shortly after we filled out our pledge (we had been there about one hour and 20 minutes making mostly small talk and I didn't want to risk ruining my stride of good fortune in that department). It was also good we left because there was frozen liquid on Michael's car from the snow and that can make his doors not open. So it's good that we left. Michael was much more quiet than me. If I'm having a bad speech day and my autism is more evident he takes over social and I don't have to talk much, but overall I'd have to say he's more introverted than I am.
Now it's time to pack up my backpack, take my pills, spend time with Michael, and go to bed.
