Negative Ruminations and Improvement

When I woke up this morning I felt sick to my stomach again because I had to get up before my body was ready. However, I had no anxiety when getting up. I was too tired for obsessive thinking. I have to learn ways to just let go of my negative ruminations in the morning. I should try and keep my mind occupied right away and try to just let the negative thoughts/feelings float on past me instead of thinking they are facts. I'm also going to keep working on my exercise and try to focus on what's around me and what I feel within me so I stay more in the present instead of obsessing over bad things in the past or worrying about the future. I don't think I'm ready for "still" meditation (though visualizations when I'm calm are okay), but trying to be mindful when exercising/moving is more possible for me. I'm also going to try to focus on how I can change things to make myself happier and more content instead of asking why bad things happen/happened. I will try to learn from everything I can. I'll probably always be sensitive and pretty easily hurt, but I want to get to the point where I can observe my thoughts and feelings without letting them control my actions. I want to just let go of negative things instead of dwelling on them.

Memories

From: http://www.tenthousandquestions.com/2009_05_01_archive.html
Memories
How clear are your memories? Some people remember many instances from different periods in their life, while others only have a few stories from their past that they can remember in great detail. Are your memories vivid, or do you only still have the barest outlines of events that have occurred to you?

What is your earliest memory?

My memories of my more distant past are very vivid, as are some more recent memories, but Zyprexa (the medication I take for bipolar) seriously ruined my memory. I forget really important things or emotional things since going back on it in 2008, and I find my former almost-photographic memory very flawed now. My childhood memories are mostly still very vivid, including all kinds of sensory and visual memories that seem rather artistic and confusing to others probably if I could recreate them. I remember my second birthday (and my mother vomiting from morning sickness from my younger brother that day), but I also think I have some memories from even before then. That one was the easiest to confirm.