Staying the Same

Some people classify their personalities based on time periods. Such as "I was like this and liked this then, then later I was like this, and now I'm like this." Some people seem to feel a distinct distance from their childhood (or some other point in their lives). I feel I'm the same person, with very similar tastes. I went through some periods of liking more outlandish things or being more extraverted, but I was still "weird" and a lot of the way I am like is more like when I was a small child than when I was about 10. I always feel like the same person. I know I must be changing in subtle ways and I certainly want to improve myself, but overall I feel the same. Sometimes I gain more interests or likes, or my tendencies become more subtle or more distinct, but usually they stay within a certain range. I still feel the same person I was when I was 4 or even younger. I can't gauge how much I appear the same to others, but I don't think there would be that much difference besides the obvious acquiring of skills (like speaking) with age. I don't mind being the same and I find it comforting. I think people could disappear for a long time and come back and still see me as the same. Unfortunately, most other people "grow up" and change a lot and often we have little common anymore if we meet up again many years later. I never lose interest in people so I often daydream about meeting people again whom I used to know. I do go through periods of depresson and strong happiness, though, so sometimes my moods are different (though often they stay about the same -- aside from PTSD triggers -- for months or years). I've always been an emotional and sensitive person, though. I sway between whether I overall like myself or not, but not changing too much is comforting.

Ramblings about Needing People Contact

I'm happy today, though kind of lonely. I'm considering taking up instant messaging again, but it distracts so easily... Though I manage to distract myself with the internet, regardless. I prefer email and regular mail for communication. The phone is okay with select people (as is a few select people for instant messaging). I really want to get a foreign pen pal to write real letters bach and forth. Maybe even send little gifts. Michael has a Japanese penpal like this. I will seek one out soon. I wish Kat hadn't disappeared from LiveJournal because it was fun emailing with her... I still email with people but usually I initiate so it can get a little overwhelming to figure out how to start off with something new and original. I should work at it more. I'd like to make more friends closer to home too. I did talk to a few people who live in my area from okcupid but somehow my profile got deleted and I'm a bit frustrated with them for not reinstating my profile, so I'd rather find some other way. If I could drive I could go to meetings of various kinds. I want to take art and ballet again... I'm just trying to save money. I'm considering taking a summer art course, though, since they run shorter and would be less expensive. For ballet I'd like to make sure my contacts are staying in better. My eyes are dried out (probably a combination of birth control pills and my blepheroplasty). Yesterday my eye hurt terribly and drops didn't help so I had to take the contacts out immediately.

5 Gratitudes

1. Finishing my Feminist Fairy Tales book, which I liked but had difficulty focusing on for some reason
2. Watching The Fountain
3. Finishing my llama painting
4. Downloading some of my favorite country songs I listened to in 2001
5. Getting Clockwork Phoenix: Tales of Beauty and Strangeness in the mail today