Usually my feelings are very clear to me. Everything about my feelings, thoughts, emotions, wishes, body reactions, actions, etc. tend to collapse in one point. My emotions and reasoning can be complex still, but everything aligns, which probably adds to the perceived intensity. Lately I have had more mixed feelings and confused perspectives than I am accustomed to. It's not exactly that, though. It's not that things are hazy and muddled, but that separate, intact lines of emotions and thought patterns exist just as coherently and sharply as usual for me, it's just that there are multiple intense patterns at once. It feels like I'm living in a bunch of parallel universes simultaneously, and I'm aware of the fact. The narrative of my life breaks down. Nothing makes sense. The patterns are shattered and intense shards haunt me from different directions, different patterns of thoughts and feelings matching different patterned perspectives. I can't figure out which is more realistic, which is more truly myself. But they can't really coexist in any way that isn't incredibly incapacitating and painful. There are just strange, violent pieces everywhere.
I used to be considered a very stable person, until around age 19. People used to remark upon this as an actual personality trait of mine. Even from 19 onward, I have gone through periods where I would consider myself reasonably stable like I used to be (albeit, "stable" and "happy and living in good circumstances" are not equivalent). But then something becomes chaotic. And I'm always hypersensitive no matter what, so that exaggerates and complicates everything. Even when I'm relatively stable, I'm still very hypersensitive, it's just that my hypersensitivity can be quite predictable.
I saw this similarminds personality test on my friends list and I retook it again (I have it somewhere in my journal from a couple years ago). For me on this test, the one score that can change most drastically is "stability," which I find ironic... I think they changed a few of the questions on that test.
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I used to be considered a very stable person, until around age 19. People used to remark upon this as an actual personality trait of mine. Even from 19 onward, I have gone through periods where I would consider myself reasonably stable like I used to be (albeit, "stable" and "happy and living in good circumstances" are not equivalent). But then something becomes chaotic. And I'm always hypersensitive no matter what, so that exaggerates and complicates everything. Even when I'm relatively stable, I'm still very hypersensitive, it's just that my hypersensitivity can be quite predictable.
I saw this similarminds personality test on my friends list and I retook it again (I have it somewhere in my journal from a couple years ago). For me on this test, the one score that can change most drastically is "stability," which I find ironic... I think they changed a few of the questions on that test.
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