High from Klonopin Last Night, Online Shopping Spree

I was really out of it last night! I kept thinking I was on Ambien because I felt so high, but, no, just Klonopin. I think my tolerance has decreased since I take it so (comparatively) rarely now. I did a lot of online shopping... My mother asked for a pretty hoodie like the kind I gave her at Christmas. She didn't ask me to buy her one -- just to find one for her that she could buy. I found a white one with red flowers on it on ebay, new, and I bought it. It was expensive with expensive shipping (shipping from Great Britain), but I was on Klonopin, so what did I care? At least I stopped, last minute, from ordering over $50 from Forever21 because shipping is free with a $50 purchase. I found a hoodie there, too, which is what led me to almost make the big purchase. I can't afford it, so thank goodness I backed out. I had some kind of issue getting the site to work properly. I also bought Michael his main Valentine's Day gift. I might need to start cutting my 2mg Klonopins in half... Which would make me happy to do!

Cougars and Cubs!

I just got a spam email for the "Cougar and Cub Dating Club." What?? I suppose I could be a "cougar" to an 18 year old boy or something. Ugh, I hate being this old-_-

Things of Today

Well I have decided what I am going to paint, partly thanks to my friend Maria. I'm going to paint bicyclists on a nature path. I did a pastel drawings of bicyclists in high school and won a cash prize for it. It will be a challenge with acrylic paints, but hopefully I can pull it off:-)

I started reading a fascinating book called Cloaked by the author of Beastly, Alex Flinn. I will read more of that tonight.

I've been spending a lot of time on Personality Cafe and PM'ing with one member about literature. She's the same super mature and intelligent 19 year old I mentioned before. I am inspired to read biographies on Emily Dickinson now. I've always related to her and adored her poetry and I'd like to see more about her. My mother used to compare me to Andy Warhol when teachers would complain about how difficult and sensitive I was, though upon reading biographies on him I don't really relate to him. I'm weird, yes, but a different kind of weird. Probably more of an Emily Dickinson weird;-)

I've also been editing more of my poems, some on my recovery from anorexia. Some are rather dark, but I like a lot of them, even in retrospect. They are very honest.

I became a little depressed tonight, but it's under control. I took extra Neurontin (not too much). It's helping. I think I'm still just a little ashamed and on-edge. I have this weird thing where I don't need everyone to like me, but I don't deal well when people think I'm a bad or mean person.:( It seems a lot more personal if someone thinks you're a bad person...

5 Gratitudes

1. Talking to Amber
2. Reading Cloaked by Alex Flinn
3. Eating blackberries and an apple/Asian pear (my two favorite fruits, aside from watermelon)
4. Resolving a conflict and feeling no anger
5. Talking to someone very interesting in a forum