Many Good Things in my Life

I had a dream about someone last night whom I'd rather forget. I wish I could just have pleasant dreams instead of weird and disconcerting dreams, especially that remind me of things I shouldn't be thinking of. I'm glad that several good things have been happening for Michael lately. I'm glad that Amber seems more open to me now and we seem to be growing closer. And though I hate living alone, it shouldn't be that long before Michael moves in. I'm generally feeling pretty hopeful about my future.

I'm lucky to have all the friends I have. Some people have no friends. And I'm able to relate to my friends in at least one major way (usually a variety of ways) even though I'm a pretty unusual person. My major goals are learning how to be more independent (in terms of cleaning, cooking, taking care of my SSDI/Medicare stuff, making appointments, etc.) and to continue doing my creative work (though I'd like to pick up the speed on that a bit -- I've been a bit slower ever since I was depressed last autumn). I'm too attached to Michael for some reason, though. I used to do better on my own than I do now. It's probably just a lasting symptom from my anxiety and depression in the fall. I have some moments better than others. Despite our rough past, I'm usually getting along with my mother now. And she admits she has communication problems, too. I wish I could make up with everyone I've had bad situations with, but it's unfortunately not realistic now. I can only really think of two people (who are connected to each other) that I would like to make up with. A couple of boys I knew I didn't end up with on good circumstances, but I'm sure they're just fine without me and I wasn't mean to them (certainly I was nicer to them than they were to me).

Where Did the Day Go...?

Today I've felt rather scattered. I forget what I've done. Michael is on his way here. Tonight we will probably watch some more of one of the series we're watching. I cleaned the house up a bit, but I have to do laundry. Michael will probably want to do more cleaning up after he arrives. It takes him forever to get here because he stops at a bunch of stores. I really should be reading since he's going to be bringing me numerous library books to read. I did my hair in this twist thing that I haven't done since high school and it actually wasn't difficult. I'm going to try and do more with my hair instead of just letting it down plainly. And I'm trying to wear earrings more again. My holes almost closed up and were irritable for awhile. I'm going to write a poem in a minute. Oh yes! I did edit another 100 pages of my last novel today, like I have been, but this time it seemed to take longer for some reason. I made some descriptions shorter and corrected some errors. I'm glad Michael decided to come here today since I think I do better in the presence of others. I have not needed more anxiety medication today so far, and I'm feeling fine.

5 Gratitudes

1. Michael arriving
2. Having pizza I like
3. Editing more of my last novel
4. Finishing up my painting
5. Getting more library books