unico_love: (red rose girl)
I just got back from the doctor's appointment. My doctor is East Indian and very pretty (Michael agrees!) She was nice, but didn't want to get my hopes up. She thinks my high prolactin could be caused by Zyprexa (bitch endo said my levels were too high for it to be meds). She wanted to see if I could change meds and get off Zyprexa. I'm like... That always ends in a huge disaster>_> I get TOTALLY nuts! I've been on almost all the alternatives and nothing else works. And I still have the same symptoms. I just realized I could test going off the Zyprexa for a couple weeks or a month, especially now I'm off Yasmin, which made me bonkers as hell, just to check my Prolactin without it. Maybe I will do that if my prolactin doesn't decrease substantially on the anti-Prolactin med. I wanted to just stop taking Zyprexa now, while on the med, but that's too many variables. But this all made me very disappointed because I've read so much about hyperprolactanemia and how it can cause many, many symptoms -- all of which I had. My doctor focused on the irregular periods, which I've had all along. And which I really could care less about. A few periods a year is fine with me! But she tried to get milk from my nipples and couldn't, which you usually can with prolactanemia. She read off a chart of symptoms for me to say yes/no to, and I said "yes" to most.

Interestingly, she seemed more concerned about my cortisol levels. She asked me if my (normal) urine test was before or after my cortisol dex suppression test (borderline high). The urine test was after, which she said could be because the steroids in my suppression test. Also I'm on inhalers (steroids) which can suppress cortisol. So she wants to look into that more. She even felt for my hunchback for Cushings, I think! But if I have Cushings it's either a mild case or the beginning stages. And I'm much rather have a prolactinoma:( Everyone says "Oh, it's good you don't have a tumor!" A small adenoma that shrinks and all the side effects go away with a simple med is better than all this other crap!

She said doing bone density testing on pre-menopausal women was complicated and rarely done, even if there was a fracture, and osteoporosis was not usually associated with pain. Then why do my hips hurt so much?? They hurt both while I was very active and non-active. But I'm not going to push for a test that's not going to show anything.

She basically wants to start from scratch and do retesting of thyroid, cortisol, and prolactin in a couple weeks, with me off steroids (trying not to use my inhalers). Then in three weeks, see her again. Then we will go over the results and plan the next step (maybe go offf Zyprexa, plan the next Cortisol tests, maybe sex hormone testing, maybe look into what could be causing my body hair loss, etc.) She said she had to look over my file more and other information. I really hope she studies up on prolactanemia and the kind of symptoms it can cause (same with high cortisol and anything else I might have) because I feel like my symptoms can be explained... I feel the body hair issue is definitely endocrinological, so as long as I've got that going I've got her hooked :P
unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
It's strange... early this evening I felt extremely tired (and I still do) -- about the same time as I did yesterday. Maybe it wasn't "just" the Klonopin? I have heard of Neurontin making people tired, though it never made me tired; I take it shortly before I've been getting tired. I really feel like I could just go to sleep for the rest of the night -- not just take a nap. That's pretty much what I did last night... I'm going to run a load of laundry, though. I'm freezing! My robe and one of my blankets needs to be washed.
unico_love: (Strange Beauty)
Well I've been unproductive so far today:P I think I'm finally going to start reading the Philip K Dick book Izzy gave me. It's quite a long book, so I will probably pace myself and read other books at the same time. I'd also like to look through my clothes, build a bigger pile of what to get rid of, and find a few missing items. I did have some anxiety this morning, so it was my morning anxiety meds, as usual:P But I've only been on levothyroxine a week and a half or so -- there's still plenty of time for it to help more. Overall, I have noticed a lessening of my anxiety aside from last night. I'm feeling less obsessive over my weight. Today I think I look good:-) Because my anxiety is always worse at night I'm going to ask my doctor if she thinks I should take vitamin D supplements and/or return to calcium supplements. I was on calcium while anorexic, but stopped taking them when I ran out and was no longer underweight.

Edit: I just purchased high-potency Vitamin D3 and a Calcium/Magnesium combination supplement. I'm also going to increase my B-Complex+Vitamin C to two times a day and my Fish Oil to 2 times a day.
unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
Bleh. Just read something depressing related to my eating habits/desire to get back to my personal "natural weight" when not hypothyroid -- go to bed on an empty stomach. I can't do this! If I am not quite full when I go to bed I will eat in my sleep. Or at least, because of insomnia, periodically get up and eat whatever convenient crap I can find. If I have healthier, but filling, foods right before bed I sleep better and am less likely to sleep eat. And I don't have a big enough appetite to eat a giant breakfast, like recommended. Mornings I often feel nauseated, especially since going on Zoloft. I'm lucky if I can just make it through the morning without Zofran (anti-emetic med).
unico_love: (Cat mask)
I have this problem lately -- but not every single day. The problem is I'm needing Klonopin more often again. I take it less than prescribed (2mg twice a day), but I have to or I have too high a tolerance. In the morning I wake up anxious and I take my 20mg of Ritalin LA and 300mg Neurontin and I feel great. Sometimes so great that I forget to take my second dose of 20mg Ritalin LA and 300-600mg Neurontin until 5:30pm. Yesterday and today I both had to take Neurontin, Ritalin LA, and Klonopin shortly after 3pm. I feel like a failure:( I feel like I should have my anxiety more under control by now and I have no idea why I'm so responsive to my meds in the morning (and feel really great), yet not in the afternoons. The afternoon dose rarely seems to have much effect at all, really, even on good days where I don't need it (but take it, like I'm prescribed). Does anyone have any idea why my anxiety would be more stubborn in the afternoon (before sunset -- night makes me anxious, too) than in the morning?

I wonder if my hypothyroidism plays a result. I've been reading that people can have effects from thyroid problems before those problems even show up in blood tests. So maybe I've been subclinically hypothyroid for years and that's why my anxiety worsened. I've even read hypothyroidism can be misdiagnosed as bipolar. Honestly? If I'm going to have a thyroid problem I'd rather some of my anxiety and my bipolar be due to it and when I find the right hormone dosage I will feel a lot better and more normal (like before age 19). I did test slightly high on my tsh test when I was 22 and suspected to have hyperthyroidism -- a little about 2. So maybe my thyroid problem has been building since then? This is all very interesting to me.
unico_love: (Possession)
I have a stomachache right now:( I'm too full. I feel bad that I had to take Klonopin again this evening for anxiety. Neurontin works great on my morning anxiety and lasts me a long time. I often forget to take my second dose for awhile because I still feel fine. However, my second dose neither gets rid of already existing anxiety nor prevents it from returning. Even when I take 2 pills (600mg) I tend not to feel better. I can't go back to taking Klonopin daily because it will probably stop working for me again. Last night I didn't have any anxiety. It all seems very random...

I started (finally) reading a new book today -- The Witch Must Die. And Michael and I are watching the anime Dunbine from 1983. I finished my painting yesterday. Not sure what I'm going to paint next.
unico_love: (yellow girl with rose)
Just wanted to say, for the first time in over a month, I did not wake up with severe nausea! I hope it's because I'm back on only 25mg of Zoloft (the smallest starting dose, though I guess you could cut it in half and start with 12.5mg). I only took 25mg two nights ago, but still felt nauseated yesterday morning. I didn't need Zofran, though. Today there was no nausea. Hopefully this will continue and I can take Zofran very infrequently. And my depression is still just as under control. I increase the dose because it wasn't helping my anxiety, but at 50mg it still wasn't helping my anxiety. Then going on Neurontin almost completely controlled my anxiety. I sometimes had slight anxiety at night and took an extra Neurontin (or, in the case of last night, a Klonopin), but I haven't had free-floating anxiety. That leads me to sometimes forgetting to take my evening dose of Neurontin and taking it a bit late. And Klonopin greatly affected me and helped last night, which it hadn't been doing before because my body was so used to it. A 2+ week break from Klonopin and now it helps me again. I hope to take no more thank 1 Klonopin a week. Hopefully more like 1 every 2-3 weeks, like lately.
unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
Ugh, I'm so glad I have Zofran. Ever since I started taking 50mg of Zoloft I've been feeling very nauseated in the morning and come close to throwing up. I would if I didn't have Zofran! On Wellbutrin I would throw up severely every morning. It didn't occur to me for a whole week that it could be the Wellbutrin making me sick. I'm only prescribed 15 pills of Zofran a month, though, so I can't take it daily for very long... I'm hoping I adjust to the medication and no longer need Zofran soon. I would divide up the dose, but it makes me bloated so I don't want to take it in the morning. Being bloated is very triggering to me. This is the first time I've responded positively to an antidepressant, so I also really don't want to switch meds.
unico_love: (Unico)
Today has been a pretty good day, though not productive. Michael and I returned to Hobby Lobby to buy me more canvases for 40% off. I started a new painting, though I haven't yet finished my former painting. I'm watching Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas, given to me as an early Christmas present. I've read a bit and edited some poems. I watched more Facts of Life. I dropped my obsession books off with my psychologist. Zoloft is still working magic and my anxiety is mostly under control and I'm not at all depressed. I have decided to take Ritalin LA in the early evening instead of the morning because it helps with my night anxiety (my day anxiety is totally controlled by Zoloft now) and suppresses my giant appetite and cravings that make me binge eat at night. Tomorrow I will paint the head of a dragon and a parrot. I might just outline it and do the scales. I tend to paint in short spurts now. It seems less overwhelming that way. Despite my healthier diet, I'm debating getting Chinese food tomorrow (just 2 egg rolls and a small fried rice) and eating a little bit of it for several days. I was able to find some caloric information, though I know that won't be completely accurate from restaurant to restaurant. I've been reading From Girl to Goddess and will probably watch Project A-Ko with Michael tonight.
unico_love: (Delight)
Today Michael and I returned home and then quickly drove to the train station and arrived just as Izzy's train was pulling in. We went out to Woodfield Mall (a very large mall) and I bought new underwear that I found much more attractive than the current designs/patterns at Victoria's Secret. I went to Aerie, which is part of American Eagle Outfitters. I am sure I will buy from there again. Izzy and I tried on clothes elsewhere, too, and she bought a top. We then went to IKEA and looked around and then ate there really cheaply. Then we went to Meijer and then the Japanese marketplace, Mitsuwa. Izzy found some snacks that reminded her of places she's lived in the past in East Asia and bought those. We stopped at ALDI for groceries, though I stayed in the car. I was getting anxious because we were out of water (we take bottled water with us usually) and I worried I'd need to take an anxiety pill or nausea pill and wouldn't be able to (I can't swallow pills without liquid). I fortunately didn't panic too bad. Then we got back home and I took my second dose of Ritalin LA which helped with the anxiety aspect. Izzy's computer is hooked up to the internet now and I'm probably going to bed soon. Maybe I will sleep in tomorrow. Probably, knowing me. I'm glad Izzy is here and we've had a fun day:-)
unico_love: (Amalthea)
5-HTP worked many nights for me to decrease anxiety and depression, though it never helped my insomnia (but very few things help my insomnia). However, eventually it started giving me stomachaches. I ordered a large container of L-Tryptophan to start taking after I ran out of 5-HTP. I'm taking the larger recommended dose (which, comparatively, should be twice as strong as the dose of 5-HTP I was taking) and I haven't noticed any effect at all from the L-Tryptophan. However, I just read it should be taken on an empty stomach and, due to my psych meds schedule, I eat the most at night. L-Tryptophan is usually recommended to take at night to help insomnia, so I have been taking it at night. I also read taking it with fruit juice can help and I have no juice. After my mother returns from her vacation I will buy some (probably apple juice since it's so cheap). I just took 1000mg L-Tryptophan on an empty stomach with an orange (the closest thing I have to juice) and I think it is helping my anxiety! I also could try taking 1500mg L-Tryptophan if 1000mg doesn't work. If I can't get L-Tryptophan to work reliably I may go back to 5-HTP after I run out of L-Tryptophan. I'm not actually vomiting from the stomachaches so maybe I could deal with it.
unico_love: (Cat mask)
This is a major pet peeve of mine that I mentioned a variation of recently: Please do not assume that you know more than me about something regarding me. In this case, please do not assume I don't know the risks of medications I take. I know Zyprexa can be dangerous; I am given blood tests and have no dangerous side effects. It could always happen in the future, but right now the benefits outweigh the costs as no other medication helps me as much.

Also Ritalin LA does not give me panic attacks and isn't the cause of my recent meltdowns -- my bipolar most probably is the cause. I've been on Ritalin LA for awhile now, including while I was very stable, on the same dosage I am now. It calms me and lessens my anxiety and depression. Yesterday I took it twice a day instead of once and only had a few minutes of light anxiety. My brother also is not made more hyper or anxious on stimulants. He can drink a pot of coffee and go to sleep. Ritalin also doesn't interfere with my sleep. I'm most certain it is not the cause of my recent meltdowns and mood episodes. And, absolutely, DO NOT ORDER ME TO GO OFF A MEDICATION! You are not my doctor. I highly doubt you know more than my doctor (or even me, no matter how arrogant that sounds). If you have a suggestion or question, that is fine. But do not say I have to do something/can't do something or talk down to me like I don't understand myself or my medications.

Edit: To further explain, though, I do like when people suggest I look into trying different medications if I'm having a problem and saying why this other medication might be more helpful. I also like supplement suggestions as I don't know much about supplements.

Insomnia

Nov. 24th, 2010 09:10 am
unico_love: (Cat mask)
I always have some amount of insomnia, but Zyprexa does a lot to control it. It's been a long time since I've had insomnia other than anxiety of having to get up early the next morning. Technically that went on last night, too, because we are going to the Harry Potter movie this morning, but I wasn't feeling particularly anxious about that. I went to bed a little after 10:00pm and probably fell asleep between 2:30am-3:00am. I took a Klonopin at one point, but it didn't help me sleep. Then I got up to go to the bathroom a little after 6:00am and couldn't fall back asleep. I got up and took a shower and then started feeling really sick to my stomach (which always happens when my body doesn't get enough sleep). I took some Zofran and so far it has kept me from vomiting. I'm feeling a bit better now, though tired. Last night I didn't take any Zyprexa -- just Abilify. It didn't make me sick to my stomach, but it obviously activates me more than Zyprexa. Medication used for sleep either doesn't work for me at all (most things) or it makes me sleep for several days (Seroquel, trazadone). That is a bit frustrating...
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Well my mood is good right now, probably due to the Ritalin. Hopefully my mood will stay this way, though, and I will have a good night tonight. I'm going to try to finish the book I'm reading so it can be returned to the library tomorrow. Michael and I will probably watch The Lost Boys tonight in honor of Halloween. I went out to the mall and various stores with Michael, and I did mention at one point feeling a bit sick, but my anxiety was under control. I hardly take Klonopin at all now because Ritalin helps so much. Sometimes, like last night, slight depression seeps in, but Klonopin wouldn't help with things like that. I don't know yet when I will go home since I caved in and bought Miralax. There's nothing else I really "need." I talked to April on the phone today, which was nice:-)
unico_love: (Amalthea)
I woke up anxious. I do not know why. I took a Klonopin and a Buspar. The Buspar actually seems to be helping a bit, which is strange, because people often say it needs to build up in your body to help. I have better luck when I take it infrequently. I'm going to make a plan for today to try and keep myself busy.

Things to do:
-Visit April this afternoon
-Read Mythology of the Incas
-Watch Legend of the Seeker
-Play a video game on my Nintendo DS
-Do some sketching (running out of art supplies and have no free money)
-Do yoga/stretching
-Wash the dishes
-Tidy up the house
-Write a poem
-Hang my postcard from Izzy
-Look at apartments again
-Read more Sailor Moon manga
-Shrink recent pictures on my computer
unico_love: (Cat mask)
I slept 13 hours last night:-( On Geodon I was sleeping only around 7 hours, starting to wake up after around 5 hours of sleep (unmedicated I usually sleep 9-10 hours). Zyprexa makes me sleep too much... I don't know how I will make it to my 7:45am eye dilation appointment Friday because too little sleep makes me sick to my stomach and I sometimes vomit. I'll try to go to bed really early, but I usually take my medications at 9pm. Geodon was very stimulating for me, and from what I've read it seems some other people have had that effect, as well. My obsessions and anxiety were so much worse on Geodon than Zyprexa. The obsessions were just so unbearable and I felt out of control. I'm hoping I can cut back to 5mg of Zyprexa without my obsessions/anxiety getting worse or going into a mood episode. Hopefully taking less of Zyprexa will also not make me sleep as long.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Today mostly Michael and I have been watching The Mysterious Cities of Gold, which was made in France, Japan, and Canada and aired on Nickelodeon in the US. I used to love it as a child and it made me want to be an anthropologist (though I didn't know the word "anthropologist" then). Watching this has really made me want to go on a trip to Peru and Bolivia. I used to want to go to South America to see the ancient ruins, but I've let it slip from my mind for a long time. Hopefully someday I will get to go:)

My nausea has mostly been under control today and I ate plenty for dinner without feeling ill. I think cream sauces and the like would make me quite sick, but I had tomato sauce on pasta for dinner and I didn't feel sick. I am kind of excited about buying Izzy's birthday gift (I love buying gifts), though I feel bad that it will probably take awhile to arrive. Next I'm saving money for my eye appointment and then Michael's ring. I am contemplating getting a digital camera at some point in the near future, too. I still have to take my art photographs... I will probably get to see April tomorrow evening, so yay for that, too!

I have to call my psychiatrist soon and display my displeasure at his leaving without warning for two weeks when I'd just talked to him previously and he told me to call him "sooner to when I'd run out" for a medication refill. Now I need a Geodon prescription (and probably a small Zyprexa prescription for emergencies) before I see him July 29.
unico_love: (Delight)
Today I woke up fairly early, but slept much better last night. I went bike riding with my mother, but it was really hot out and I'm in bad shape so it was exhausting. I decided not to get ice cream (which my mother usually buys for me on our bike rides). I just felt too nauseated and hot. I've felt nauseated consistently for the past couple of months, but a low-level nausea. I didn't want to take more Zofran (my nausea medication) because I just took 2 pills yesterday. I also think my nausea problems might be at least partly psycho-somatic, like a friend brought up yesterday. Every time I think of eating I immediately think of vomiting the food.:( We stopped at a deli so I could cool off and my mother ate a sandwich. There was a cute chocolate Labrador puppy outside:) When we got back home I took another shower and turned up the air-conditioning.

My bipolar and OCD workbooks came in today and I've started working on them. My mother made my psychiatrist appointment for July 29. I will call him Monday, when he's back, and talk to him about everything. I can't be on Zyprexa with that insane appetite and sleeping 13 hours a day. Especially if I can't get my Ritalin to curb my appetite. My psychiatrist said I could take it twice a day and told me to wait to get a refill, but by the time I needed it he was gone for two weeks! So I switched to Geodon, which so far has controlled my bipolar quite well. The problem is my anxiety. I did still have some anxiety on Zyprexa and took Klonopin and Klonopin still is usually working. There was that horrible night two nights ago, but that hasn't been the norm. Also I just started taking Geodon a little over 2 weeks ago, so maybe it's not working to the maximum yet. I know people take Zyprexa as needed sometimes, so maybe I can have a prescription for emergencies when I start to get a bit crazy or my moods start getting bad again. It works instantly for me. And I can just rely on the Klonopin for my anxiety. I took one today when I was feeling a bit depressed, but I think it was really more anxiety, because I feel quite well now.

The power went out due to a storm and usually that makes me very anxious because I always have to be doing things to keep my mind busy and it's hard to even find flashlights to read with. This time I stayed calm, just played Tori Amos with my computer's battery power and worked on my OCD workbook with a flashlight. I still don't know if I will make an appointment with my psychologist or not. I may wait a little while to see if my obsessions and anxiety get under control. I felt kind of bad when Amber told me I seemed so stable on my other medication (Zyprexa) and it was too bad I had to go off it, since now I was feeling "blah" and obsessive. The truth kind of hurts:-/ Though I wouldn't say I'm feeling "blah"... At least my moods are pretty good. I just have to get my anxiety symptoms under control. It's too bad antidepressants don't work on me.
unico_love: (Delight)
Today I went to a scrapbooking party for April at her father's house. I thought we would all just be scrapbooking, but it was kind of like a party where there is a host and a catalog of scrapbooking materials and you order certain things. I was the only one who didn't buy anything, which made me feel guilty, but I really have to save money this summer. I have to see the dentist Wednesday and I have no idea how much that will cost. I felt okay and friendly at first because I had taken Klonopin at home due to my anxiety about watching things (and Michael and I watched Tsubasa before April and Phil picked me up). However, after a couple hours I was starting to feel like I didn't know what to do -- I didn't really know the other people there or know what to talk about. Eventually I did get to scrapbook for a little bit. Then people started leaving and I was hoping we were going to be leaving because my anxiety had gotten pretty bad. I felt overloaded and overwhelmed because things weren't going as I expected and I'm not good with most surprises and I'm also usually not good with people. I also forgot my Buspar and Klonopin at home, so I had nothing to take for anxiety. However, I held out and after the guests left April's stepmother ordered pizza and we four (April's stepmother, Phil, April, and me) played cards and I felt calmer. I even ate a piece of pizza. Usually eating in front of people (especially strangers) is difficult for me. Then we did go home and I was glad to see Michael again. I did end up having fun with April and Phil and I was glad I didn't freak out and beg them to take me home or anything.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a scrapbooking party April is having. I packed up my scrapbooking stuff that I want to take. I haven't scrapbooked in awhile...

Volunteering at the cat shelter went well today, but it was mostly another overview of how things are done. Then we played with the cats. April wants to go a bit earlier in the morning so we can help with cleaning more, which makes sense to me, but I'm second-guessing it. I had fairly annoying allergies when I got home from the shelter, though I felt fine there. I think my cat allergies are lingering. I may just try and get there at 11am and help finish any cleaning and just play with the cats for awhile (since they need attention) and go home after I start to feel ill. There was a boy there today who came specifically to give the cats attention. Some of them are very sweet! They also had a bake sale, but it rained a lot. Two of the cats were supposed to go to a cat show but the hail and approaching tornado tore the tents down and the show was canceled. So the cats were brought back to the shelter. Both my mother and Michael did buy sugar cookies from their bake sale, though.

I'm writing a letter to Amber today, that I will mail by regular mail. It's just a general, friendly letter. I like to send them from time to time. Today I also got anxious while watching Tsubasa with Michael. I took a Klonopin and it worked. I just don't know why I'm getting random anxiety about nothing of which I'm conscious. So far I think I'm adjusting well from taking Zyprexa to taking Geodon.

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