unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
No news on the MRI yet. I just got called about my *urine test* from awhile ago. It was normal. But that is the most unreliable of the tests, often giving, not only false negatives, but false positives. I'm going to have to fight her for a late nigh salivary test for Cushings. Also she said I didn't need a bone density test even though high prolactin and missing periods puts you at high risk for low bone density, regardless of the MRI results. I asked the office worker I talked to to ask the endocrinologist again. If she says no, I'm going to ask my regular doctor for a bone density test, or even my psychiatrist. I had to get my testosterone test from my psychiatrist. Which I still don't know the results of because he's so busy and I haven't seen him since then. I did try to get those results sent over to my endocrinologist *I think.* My memory is horrible now. But I think basically all my hormones were low but cortisol and prolactin, so I'm not surprised the endocrinologist hasn't told me about it, if she did get those results. I don't like my endocrinologist. I want a doctor that wants a lot of testing. I'm going to wait until I get my MRI results back, then push for more Cushings testing. Or if I just get a chance to talk to the doctor. Hopefully something showed up on my MRI and I can see the doctor soon and get all this stuff straightened out. I might need to go to a specialist, anyways, so all these issues would be handed over to them. If that's the case, no point in trying to find a new endocrinologist. Best just to stick this one out.
unico_love: (Default)
I feel really fuzzy right now, like I had a seizure or might have a seizure, so bear with me. But I've felt like this for awhile, so it could be a false alarm. But the neurologist doesn't think I'm aware of a lot of my seizures, so who knows? I'm confusing myself. New topic.

We went to Oakbrook Mall. Michael was irritable some of the time, but I'm glad we went! I didn't realize they had some great stores there I would actually use! Maybe it's because I've grown up a bit and some of my tastes have changed? I try to use more environmentally sound products, cruetly-free, if at all possible. Some of the clothes I like are more mature. I spend more on products and am consciously trying to buy less plastic crap.

Anyways, I have been planning on buying Izzy and myself Bare Escentuals lipstick (two a piece) online -- but there was a boutique there! Unfortunately, it didn't have all the lipstick colors. And apparently they are changing the lipstick shades April 11th. I have to wait until April 3-4th to afford the lipstick. But I decided I want to buy the "old" lipstick because then it will gone for good, and we'd have plenty of time to buy the "new" lipstick if we wanted to. A color Izzy was interested in, but was sold out online, was in the boutique -- Berry Glace, so even though Izzy hadn't made her second decision (she had decided on her first -- Italian Ice) I bought it for her. On our way back out of the mall, Michael bought me a Bare Escentuals lipstick in Parfait. It's a little peachier than the color I was considering (Gelato - more straight nude pink, though Parfait is also a nude on me).

We went to Sephora and it was a full one, with the Jasmine line. I looked at the Urban Decay things. It was a bit squashed by the beauty chairs area, though, so I couldn't tell if they had palettes besides the Naked ones. I want to buy Michael's sister an Urban Decay palette for Christmas if I can afford it -- the Vice palette if it returns. I have it set to tell me by email if it returns online. I liked looking at all the different skin products and make up... But I'm broke, so I didn't buy anything.

There was a Soma there, and I love their underwear! It's so pretty and comfortable. I should buy my mother some from there sometime. I bought mine online and had to pay a lot in shipping. Now I know there is a brick and mortar store nearby.

There was a Disney store! All the Disney Stores seem to be closing...

There was an H&M! We don't have one at the mall we usually go to, but I love this store, and they don't sell online. I bought my mother her Mother's Day gift her -- a blue sweater for $10. They always have great pricee, plus now they are selling spring/summer clothes.

I tried to send something to the Glen Ellyn Post Office by Newton Park and they gave me trouble, like they always do. It left me very agitated. I hate that post office and do not intend to use it for packages again. Today Michael mailed my package from the downtown Glen Ellyn Post Office without any problems. I've got a big package I'm putting together for Poland to send out mid-April and will probably use that post office. Michael had a good experience.

I'm still having anxiety and taking 2mg Klonopin everyday, but I'm trying to feel less guilty about that, because my endocrine conditions can cause severe depression and severe anxiety (as well as irritability and hostility). I figure once I'm treated I will start feeling better and not be so med-reliant. I have been obsessed with Cushing's Disease today. I'm pretty sure I have an early/mild case of it starting to progress pretty fast. My weight gain hasn't been in the usual places for me (thighs, for instance), but my belly, in a pregnancy-type fashion. It has cellulite over it. I can't fit into any pants -- including new ones I bought for weight gain -- so I'm going to just wear sweatpants, pajama pants, and elastic waist skirts for the time being. Everyone assures me when I'm treated my body will go back to normal.

My breasts are getting big, too, but that doesn't bother me as much:P I'm wearing one of my new (ebay) bras today, too and yet I'm now getting quadboob from this too(28DD, could use a 28E -- for some other companies I would need a 28F). Hahaha, yes, laugh those who knew me as a college freshman! 4'11" and an A-cup! Well, not really -- just wearing the wrong bra size, as most do (more like a 28C). Anyways, I am not fat, I do not think any of you reading this are fat -- it's just my fat deposits are going to my waist and boobs only because my body thinks it's having a baby very soon and needs to be lactating. I read yesterday, though, that people like myself wtih very high prolactin levels often *don't* lactate -- it's the low-highs that do. Which doesn't make sense to me, but whatever.

I might start getting the Cushings stretch marks soon, which I dread. You can always lose weight -- stretch marks are another issue all together. And my face may become rounder (that's another weird thing -- usually my face gets rounder as I gain weight -- my face is not the slightest bit rounder/chubbier from when I was 25lbs lighter; I'm 5'1", so that's saying a lot). I've been playing with make up a lot and taking lots of face pictures and posting my favorites to Facebook. It sounds vain, but that's one of the few areas of my body that still feels "normal." And that I still feel I can make pretty. It reassures me that this weight gain is not normal because, if it were, my face would look chubbier.

I'm very anxious about the fact it takes many tests to diagnose Cushing's, and then more tests to figure out where the tumor causing it is located (and then you usually do surgery and you have to find a good surgeon... Luckily I live in the Chicago area, so I'm sure there would be an appropriate surgeon not too far). Usually Cushings is caused by a pituitary tumor. I *also* most likely have *another* pituitary tumor -- a prolactinoma releasing way too much prolactin (hence the boobs and the belly and the associated emotional pseudo-pregnant bullshit). That would be treated with strong meds to shrink the tumor and lower my prolactin levels. Two tumors. Two conditions. Two treatments. Two hormones (Cushings is too much cortisol being released from the tumor). A lot of overlapping symptoms -- including osteoporosis -- I want a bone scan asap, because my joints and back and hips hurt a lot the past few months. I will call the endocrinologist about that on Monday, and if she doesn't do anything, call my general practitioner (who works very close by) and ask for a bone scan. I also should go to her office and have my records transferred to her so she knows what's going on. Maybe I will even make an appointment with her. She works Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. My endocrinologist is also part-time. My psychiatrist is the one who has my testosterone results, but I think my endocrinologist got them from him, and those were the most important ones. It's just having two possible conditions at once, with pituitary tumors involved, is overloading and confusing. Though I like that they could explain most of the problems I've gained over the past decade.

On a happier note, Michael went out with Dan and brought me back a large-ish vinyl figurine of Fluttershy from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Though I do have too much random "junk" as it is@_@
unico_love: (Default)
It seems like I got in to see an endocrinologist just in time. Just a couple months ago I could do an hour on the elliptical. Now cleaning the bathtub leaves me collapsed and hyperventilating on the floor for 10 minutes before making it back to bed. I'm so exhausted and sore and achey. I know lots of people (including here) have chronic illnesses... I will get used to this if I have to, I just am not used to it, and I seemed to get better from this summer by eating meat again and then the past few weeks I've had a downturn. If I stay like this I might call the doctor's office and tell them I've gotten worse, to see if we can move up the MRI.
unico_love: (Delight)
I received a call around noon that my cortisol from my suppression test was "borderline" so I have to do a 24 hour urine test, which I'm starting tomorrow morning. I'm a bit nervous about the idea of having Cushings after reading some bad cases of it and even a bunch of obituaries. One site called it "The Most Dangerous Disease You've Never Heard Of." Cushings has a tumor in the pituitary gland releasing tons of cortisol. I also have very high prolactin, which would likely be due to a tumor in the pituitary gland releasing tons of prolactin. That means I would need two tumors. I'm hoping that's not the case... I can't wait to get my MRI.

An interesting thing: My MRI at the hospital is set for April 6th. That's my maternal grandmother's birthday. She went into the hospital (in the 1970's) to die on my birthday, January 13th (same day of the week even -- Thursday).

I feel over the past month I have grown progressively weaker and sorer. My fatigue is worse. Just taking a shower or walking next door is hard. I'm slacking off on my chores, but I'm determined to clean the bathroom tomorrow. I'd also like to read and crochet... It sounds so simple, yet it's so hard.

I don't feel asocial at all -- I'd love to talk to people online, and friends in the area -- you can visit anytime! I hope Cory can visit this weekend. I feel bad about turning him down last weekend. I hope I can go to church this weekend, but the fatigue and acheing is worst in the mornings -- no matter what time I go to sleep.

It's ironic that when I was sick in the summer I feared I had a brain tumor and everyone told me I was being a hypochondriac and to stop looking things online, and then I gained more weight and people thought I was just being anorexic and wanting to lose weight, and it turns out I likely have a pituitary gland tumor that caused weight gain, as well as depression, anxiety, pain, and a bunch of other problems.

My family and Michael are very worried now, wondering if it's cancer or something. Because they see how I've changed and how things just don't make sense.
unico_love: (Delight)
Today was a better day than yesterday, at least. Michael missed his teaching at church and we both slept in. Cory was unable to come over, which was fine. Michael and I went to the free gem and mineral show at the Dupage Fairgrounds in Wheaton. Michael bought 3 carved stone animals -- a bear, a rabbit, and a cat. I bought a gorilla for Cory. I also bought an aventurine for myself, since they should bring good luck, and green moss agate earrings for Izzy. While I was flipping through the pendants on index cards, the first one I stopped at was labradorite -- the bracelet I'd been hoping to buy next month, probably as my last bracelet for awhile. Then I recently had been backing out of it, due to expenses as of late, but now I am more sure I should buy it if I can. Labradorite helps with intuition, seeing past illusions, and is associated with the brain (close to the pituitary gland -- where I'm having problems). Even if it doesn't help on a physical level, it's symbolic.

Then we went to the pet shop for cat food and we went to Aldi for human food. I skipped my shower tonight because my stomach is really bothering me. I keep trying to find information about hyperprolactanaemia, but most of the information is on Trying To Conceive messageboards. I want a board for people that is I Hope The Treatment Makes Me Infertile and Sterile. Also I want to get tested for Hashimoto's and mosaic Turner's Syndrome. I know I was just tested Saturday for Cushing's Syndrome. My endocrinologist seemed to assume I had Hashimoto's because it causes most hypothyroidism, but this pituitary stuff can cause it, too. A friend with Turner's Syndrome thinks I sound like mosaic Turner's and I can relate to a lot I've read on it. Endocrinologists often test it/diagnose it, I guess. So eventually I'd like to see about that.

Tomorrow I'm calling the endocrinologist's office to see if I need a sooner MRI appointment than April 6th because she said "as soon as possible" and that is not very soon. I also have to call my psychiatrist, part of the same hospital and who recommended this endocrinologist, and tell him what's going on.
unico_love: (Strange Beauty)
I should go to bed, so I will sum up today:

1. Lounged around the house and ate leftover corned beef and potatoes. Waited for Dan to arrive. Called my eye doctor's office because my replacement contacts *still* haven't arrived and I need to send in the barcodes for my rebate. The manager said they'd have more shipped out immediately since time was getting short (the evidence for rebate has to be received within 60 days of the eye appointment). I am fairly stressed about that situation.

2. Michael convinced me to go with him and Dan to see his friend (from high school), Tony. We stopped at the Lombard library and I borrowed a bunch of thyroid books which I read in the car.

3. We picked up Tony and went to Five Guys because I was hungry. I had a yummy hamburger. Tony is a bit socially awkward and I suspect autism/Asperger's. He said to me while we were eating (in an innocent and non-sexualized manner) "I'm sorry if I haven't been talking to you much. You are very beautiful and very intimidating." I'm like O_o Intimidating? Maybe when I'm angry... But otherwise? I laughed. Then a few minutes later I found him staring at me, so I smiled and looked away. Then he said "I'm sorry I'm staring at you. You are very beautiful." I love compliments, though, so it didn't bother me;-)

4. We went to Rock Bottom for Michael, Dan, and Tony to each have beer. I read a thyroid book at the bar. They didn't have toasted almonds or I would have had a drink:( I want to go back to the nearby Mexican restaurant and have another toasted almond... It's the only alcoholic drink I've tried and liked. Usually I also avoid alcohol due to my meds.

5. We went to Half Price Books, but I stayed in the car reading. I was overloaded and didn't feel like wandering the bookstore when I usually don't find the books I really want there. Michael bought me a cute unicorn figurine with a small book and you're supposed to give your wishes to the unicorn<3

6. We went to Walmart so Tony could buy a phone and I bought Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Therapy ice cream. I ate the pint very quickly. Michael said it was too rich for him and he would have thrown up eating it all the way I did. But I see my doctor tomorrow about my hypothyroidism and I figured I might as well weigh in heavy for her to help prove my weight gain...:P

7. I read that cortisol levels can be tested either by urine or (how I was tested before) by blood. Each has its own benefits. This means I wasn't just misremembering that I had my cortisol levels tested beginning of 2008 in the ED unit. (They were normal, but I read there is a very wide range of "normal" as with thyroid hormones).

8. My day was pretty good and I look forward to seeing my doctor tomorrow at 1:30pm. I'm hoping she will increase my levothyroxine. So far my constipation is gone, my headaches better, my depression is better, and my anxiety at least isn't *worse.* I think levothyroxine might help my anxiety because Ritalin is also stimulating and works good on my anxiety. I would love to be able to go off the Ritalin LA, however. First I'm focusing on getting my thyroid dose right, though. I will bring up Cytomel, but since I'm so new to the meds, the doctor will probably first just want to increase my levothyroxine (I'm only on 25mcg).

9. Dan is spending the night again, as usual, but Tony asked to spend the night, too, and I convinced Michael to let him. He rarely gets out, has never seen our home, and I like people visiting:-)
unico_love: (Strange Beauty)
Well I've been unproductive so far today:P I think I'm finally going to start reading the Philip K Dick book Izzy gave me. It's quite a long book, so I will probably pace myself and read other books at the same time. I'd also like to look through my clothes, build a bigger pile of what to get rid of, and find a few missing items. I did have some anxiety this morning, so it was my morning anxiety meds, as usual:P But I've only been on levothyroxine a week and a half or so -- there's still plenty of time for it to help more. Overall, I have noticed a lessening of my anxiety aside from last night. I'm feeling less obsessive over my weight. Today I think I look good:-) Because my anxiety is always worse at night I'm going to ask my doctor if she thinks I should take vitamin D supplements and/or return to calcium supplements. I was on calcium while anorexic, but stopped taking them when I ran out and was no longer underweight.

Edit: I just purchased high-potency Vitamin D3 and a Calcium/Magnesium combination supplement. I'm also going to increase my B-Complex+Vitamin C to two times a day and my Fish Oil to 2 times a day.
unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
Bleh. Just read something depressing related to my eating habits/desire to get back to my personal "natural weight" when not hypothyroid -- go to bed on an empty stomach. I can't do this! If I am not quite full when I go to bed I will eat in my sleep. Or at least, because of insomnia, periodically get up and eat whatever convenient crap I can find. If I have healthier, but filling, foods right before bed I sleep better and am less likely to sleep eat. And I don't have a big enough appetite to eat a giant breakfast, like recommended. Mornings I often feel nauseated, especially since going on Zoloft. I'm lucky if I can just make it through the morning without Zofran (anti-emetic med).
unico_love: (Cat mask)
I have this problem lately -- but not every single day. The problem is I'm needing Klonopin more often again. I take it less than prescribed (2mg twice a day), but I have to or I have too high a tolerance. In the morning I wake up anxious and I take my 20mg of Ritalin LA and 300mg Neurontin and I feel great. Sometimes so great that I forget to take my second dose of 20mg Ritalin LA and 300-600mg Neurontin until 5:30pm. Yesterday and today I both had to take Neurontin, Ritalin LA, and Klonopin shortly after 3pm. I feel like a failure:( I feel like I should have my anxiety more under control by now and I have no idea why I'm so responsive to my meds in the morning (and feel really great), yet not in the afternoons. The afternoon dose rarely seems to have much effect at all, really, even on good days where I don't need it (but take it, like I'm prescribed). Does anyone have any idea why my anxiety would be more stubborn in the afternoon (before sunset -- night makes me anxious, too) than in the morning?

I wonder if my hypothyroidism plays a result. I've been reading that people can have effects from thyroid problems before those problems even show up in blood tests. So maybe I've been subclinically hypothyroid for years and that's why my anxiety worsened. I've even read hypothyroidism can be misdiagnosed as bipolar. Honestly? If I'm going to have a thyroid problem I'd rather some of my anxiety and my bipolar be due to it and when I find the right hormone dosage I will feel a lot better and more normal (like before age 19). I did test slightly high on my tsh test when I was 22 and suspected to have hyperthyroidism -- a little about 2. So maybe my thyroid problem has been building since then? This is all very interesting to me.
unico_love: (Amalthea)
I think I am going to ask my doctor about hypothyroidism on Monday. If she doesn't think I need to get checked out for it I won't pursue it. I am not convinced I *must* have it or anything, but I do have some signs:
-depression (sure, I have bipolar, but it's always been controlled by Zyprexa, but lately I've had to up the Zyprexa and add Zoloft, and I've had to add Neurontin for anxiety)
-dry skin (more dry than usual)
-weight gain (can't lose weight no matter what I do -- very unlike me, used to have a very fast metabolism)
-borderline hypothyroidism last time I was tested
-severe constipation
-need a lot of sleep
-difficulty concentrating
-irregular menstruation (but I've always had this)
-low temperature
-no sex drive

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