unico_love: (Default)
I have a bit of a migraine right now, so I will probably go to bed soon. Maybe watch another episode of We Got Married with Michael, in the dark. My eyelids have been all red and swollen today. I put eye cream on and have been keeping ice cubes on them. Hopefully they will be closer to normal tomorrow. Tomorrow Michael and I will play a game and start an anime. Wednesday around noon we are having a MLP friend over for tea and cookies. No ideas socially beyond that. For Father's Day I had a big dessert at the barbecue we went to for my mother's partner/my "stepfather." I made him a card and he took a picture of it with his phone and sent it to all the fathers on his contact list. I need to start drawing again. I have a lot of ideas. Tomorrow is my (deceased) father's birthday. He would have been 63. Wow! Sounds so old! He made it to 50. He also got a $10 off coupon to Victoria's Secret in the mail today to celebrate his birthday. Haha. Recently we got a piece of mail for my step-grandmother, who died even before my father.

Sick a Flu

Apr. 1st, 2013 09:20 pm
unico_love: (crystal ball)
Well this weekend wasn't the greatest. Saturday we had Cory, Kat, and Kat's husband, Chris come over. But that was later in the day. Earlier in the day I sat around as lazy as I usually am. And it was nice to see my friends, and we had pizza for dinner, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the computer while they were watching bad old B movies. And then I started feeling more ill. The tickle in my throat from that morning was followed by a full-blown sore throat, aches, and chills. I eventually went into my bedroom to type more privately, and stayed there the rest of the night. Eventually, I couldn't really move, so a shower wasn't an option. I stayed fully dressed and Michael gave me my night meds. I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth. I couldn't sleep. I took way too many pills (not going into detail here because it might trigger people with suicidal ideation or whom have attempted suicide on pills in the past). But it makes me more sure than ever I have Cushings, considering how many pills I was taking (not a ton all at once) and how they didn't make me sleepy. I must have a ton of cortisol still running through me at night. I am going to demand the late night salivary test for cortisol.

I eventually fell asleep and spent the rest of the day in bed, in bad pain, including in my fingers and toes. I got myself propped up at 6pm and Michael gave me the computer. As the hours wore on I did better and better and eventually showered. I slept last night. I woke up today still feeling ill, but not nearly as bad.

Michael and Dan went to Chicago to see the moving From Up on Poppy Hill, but I didn't feel well enough to go. I still feel sick and weak. We also called the scheduling center about my MRI, but there are no sooner appointments available. We left a message for my endocrinologist about my bone pain and asking for a bone scan. Didn't hear back from her today...
unico_love: (childlike empress)
I remember in Catholic school, for Valentine's Day, you could purchase heart-shaped lollipops to people you liked and during the day everyone's lollipops would be announced and handed out, saying who they were from. I don't believe this should be done in schools. I think it should be where a student has to either give a Valentine to every student in the class or none at all during school hours. It could be embarrassing to not get any (or very few) Valentine's. Sometimes they'd even be from people you weren't even friends with who seemed to pity you, expecting you wouldn't get any Valentine's. That could be the worst. Anyways, I just hate that and don't think it should be done. I hope the school has changed their policy on that...
unico_love: (sailor moon beauty)
Today had its good points and its bad points. I felt super talkative and active until around 4:30pm, when the nightly anxiety set in. I was surprised, because usually it happens after sunset. I was panicking a lot, unsure if Michael and I should go to the church's Young Adult Group tonight. I took 1200mg Neurontin instead of 300 (because I'd also tried 600 and 900 in the past to no avail) to help my anxiety. While driving to YAG I decided I was too anxious to go sit there for a couple hours about how to be a more welcoming congregation to LGBTQ (is that right? I'm really off right now). I wish we had gone because Charlotte, the intern, is a very spiritual person we would like to talk to, especially since she's leaving in a few weeks. It sounds like few people went to YAG:( So I do feel guilty.

We went into Walmart (it was on the way to the church) and I bought Michael a pair of cheap pants as part of his Valentine's Day gift. We also bought other things... Like cookies>_> Of which I chose to partake in large quantities. My anxiety was so relieved that I could handle the maze of checkout at Walmart. That is rare for me! Then Michael stopped at a couple groceries stores (I stayed in the car reading). Then we put on Wayne's World 2 and played Scrabble. I started feeling woozy, almost certainly from the Neurontin. I intend to call my psychiatrist Monday night to ask him what I should do about the Neurontin/my anxiety. It worked great for a month, but then the night-time dose stopped working.

Tomorrow morning we are probably going to the Lutheran church I went to for Sunday school. It is super close and seems rather liberal (a female pastor, as well as a male one, sermons concerned about the environment, economic crisis, and how "The War on Terror" has just caused more problems, etc. I hope they are supportive of gay/queer rights. If they are then I can imagine myself getting comfortable at this church... Michael and I still relate to Christianity in some ways and the UU church has been lacking in spirituality. Church friends of ours feel the same way. If we start going to the Lutheran church we will still go to the UU church for certain services (Beltane is coming up!) I guess I feel like I'm a Christian-pagan in some ways. That is something I will have to dig into more.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
1. Michael's father giving me "sweet pea" body gel and body lotion for Christmas
2. Getting a good deal on the video game Michael's mother wanted and giving it to her for Christmas/her birthday
3. Returning the sweater that didn't fit Michael's mother without a problem
4. Reading more of The Japanese Psyche (only reading a chapter a day now because it's rather dry and I'm already struggling with anxiety)
5. Watching Kobato with Michael
unico_love: (sailor moon beauty)
Today went well, for the most part. I copied Michael's mother's Christmas cd's onto my computer. We watched more Christmas specials and will be watching The Snowman momentarily. Michael's mother and sister spent most of the day making Christmas cookies. We were going to stop by Michael's father's house but he didn't answer his phone all afternoon and by the time we got ahold of him it was too late and we were preparing for dinner and gift opening, immediately after Michael and I leaving for church for their Christmas Eve service.

I felt so guilty because I didn't include the gift receipt with Michael's mother's sweater!:( I must have stupidly thrown it out. It was a medium, but she's gained some weight. I really hope it still fits her or she likes it well enough to hold onto in case she loses weight (she's going on a diet after the holidays). I also made her a painting of lilacs, which she liked. I gave Michael's sister eyeshadow and primer and Michael gave her a tripod. Michael's friend Dan also visited in the afternoon and he gave us the Saturday Night Live board game and the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special (we will watch that tomorrow!) He also bought Michael a video game. Michael gave him some anime.

There was no serious drama at Michael's mother's house for a change, which was nice. It took us 45 minutes to get to church from Michael's mother's house, so it's good we left at 7pm (church started at 8pm). We had lit candles during "Silent Night." There were Christmas readings and carols. We will probably be going to the Christmas service at 11:15am tomorrow, too. It will also be Christmas-themed with carols. We are recording the Disney Christmas parade that will be going on then.

These are the presents I received today:
-A very soft and warm robe with rainbow stars on it from Michael's mother
-Fairy Tales: A New History by Ruth B. Bottingheimer from Michael's sister
-The first two books of L.J. Smith's The Secret Circle (which I bought in 2001 before they were popular, so I gave the copy to my brother as a gift for fixing my internet problem)
-Everwood seasons 3 and 4 from my brother
-A lavender sweater from my mother (which I had to open tonight because the box was all wet)
In my stocking:
-A Disney princess coloring and activity book
-A Tinkerbell and fairies coloring and activity book
-Dark chocolate buttercreams and Mays (chocolate filling)
-Dark chocolate Reese's peanut butter cups
-Candy buttons (which I gave to Michael)
-Ankle socks, some argyle
-A fuzzy, colorful scarf
-My Nicor gas bill:P Almost $90! I've got to keep the heat down this month...

I'm wearing the new robe now:-) I think my Victorian-style nightgown might have to be thrown out due to stains... I always wore it every Christmas to imitate the Nutcracker. I always wanted to be whisked away to a magic land. I also love nutcrackers.

I've decided I'm going to get Michael's mother and sister birthday gifts since they both have birthdays in January. Maybe we can visit them shortly after my birthday. I intend to get his mother a sweater in a size Large with a gift receipt this time. I feel so guilty over that...

Overall, a great Christmas Eve!:D
unico_love: (Possession)
Yesterday was rather frustrating in that, checking my order status of the coat I ordered, my order had been canceled. I got ahold of a person on the phone quickly and they said the item was sold out and there would be no more available. They should have at least sent me an email saying they were canceling my order! And why was I able to check out in the first place? The woman on the phone suggested calling local stores (it has in-person stores) so I did. The one at the mall near me had a coat by the same description (charcoal, hoodless peacoat that had a belt at the waist) and I put it on hold. It wasn't the same coat!:( It had no pockets, was a little shorter, and the waist was tied instead of with a buckle. It was the same price, only the online coats (and other closed) are usually slashed in price, whereas the stores charge full-price. So while I purchased the coat online for $51.11 (my brother's birthday gift to me), I paid $65! Some of that due to an almost 10% sales tax. I paid for the difference between what my brother paid for my missing coat and the coat I did purchase. I decided I liked it and it fit well, so I kept it, but I'm still bitter about what has now in my mind become the "ideal" coat. I don't own a really fitted coat -- my coats are all bulky or big on me. I could have purchased my ideal coat in a Medium instead of a Small, but that would be big on me which would defeat the purpose of buying a fitted coat with a cinched waist.

Church was fun today. It was a Christmas pageant where random church members raised their hands to play different parts and got into costume. There was a man narrating the nativity story and more and more people would join the nativity. Between every addition of characters there was a Christmas song. Michael had to move because a woman behind us started chewing gum, but he moved near other friends of ours. A lot of the church is Humanist and Michael and I are not. We celebrate Christmas and enjoy Christmas services, though we also enjoy services for holidays and religious traditions of any kind. We plan on going to the Solstice service and Christmas Eve service. We had book club after church today. The book was Griftopia and about the economy problems in the US. It was very depressing and I only read a little bit (politics tend to trigger my PTSD because my father was bizarrely obsessed and paranoid about politics).
unico_love: (childlike empress)
1. My mother cooking for Thanksgiving
2. Watching Garfield Thanksgiving and Christmas specials
3. Putting up and decorating our Christmas tree
4. Watching Marmalade Boy
5. Finding out an eyeshadow in a shade I want is on sale for $2 until Monday
unico_love: (Snow White)
192: summer or winter? why?

Summer because I love daylight (get anxious at night) and I love going bike riding on the nature trails and going to summer events/outdoor events. I also have positive associations with it because that's when we had off school.

193: what are you doing for the next big holiday. (i.e. Christmas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, Easter, Passover..)

Hmm... Halloween? Probably nothing much. I might wear my Renaissance corset, though I need a new lace for it. We probably won't get trick-or-treaters. Maybe we will watch horror movies.

365 Day Meme )

Easter

Apr. 24th, 2011 10:10 pm
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Today went well, overall. I had trouble waking up and getting up this morning, which made me nauseated. I wore a nice pink dress today that I assumed was too small for me since I used to wear it when I was underweight, but it still fits. Michael and I exchanged Easter baskets (we gave each other much candy and I gave him a book, which made him decide to buy me a book). Then we went to church and were almost late. It was a really nice service about caring for the earth and caring for other people. Two Michael Jackson songs were done and there were children's drawings of love and earth from the projector. The children's choir sang. There was an excerpt from The Velvetine Rabbit (which we are also using in our commitment ceremony). I returned the book I borrowed and borrowed a dvd of the service I missed in March on Transcendentalism and Buddhism.

Then we ate lunch at my mother's house. She cooked a lot. Michael and Tommy (my brother) played a Mario Bros. game in the living room. I didn't try playing because the newer Mario games are too hard for me:( Then later this evening Michael and I watched Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. It just ended.

I did have a bit of an anger problem/panic attack at Walmart, but took a Klonopin to control it. Maybe I should have waited longer before taking medication, but I didn't feel like I could restrain myself from lashing out. I'm calm now and will probably go to sleep soon.
unico_love: (Unico)
Here are some pictures I took of me in a sweater I bought from Victoria's Secret with my gift card I got from Christmas and pictures of me in the kimono Maria bought me. It was VERY difficult to figure out how to wear the kimono/yukata and it looks terrible. Hopefully the next time will go better and the kimono and obi will look better! Still, this way you can see the pretty fabrics:-)

Pictures of One of my New Sweaters and my First Attempt at Wearing a Kimono )
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I always have a list of goals going, so a list of New Years Resolutions wouldn't list anything new. However, here are some accomplishments from 2010, inspired by someone else on my friendslist.

Accomplishments in 2010:
1. Beginning to work on Dialectical Behavior Therapy
2. Spending less time in mood episodes than usual
3. Getting more over Him
4. Making progress to better my relationship with Amber
5. Becoming closer friends with Maria
6. More serious steps in my relationship with Michael
7. Starting to exercise regularly again (mainly stretches, though)
8. Getting my digestive problems diagnosed properly and treated
9. Going to Starved Rock for the first time
10. Seeing Tuna and the Rock Cats perform
11. Going to see Swan Lake and (again) The Nutcracker ballet
12. Seeing Shedd Aquarium for the first time in a long time
13. Going to Brookfield, Lincoln Park, and Cosley zoos, and Kuiper's Farm
14. Going to the Wildlife Haven
15. Buying a new (pink) camera (before I just kept borrowing my mother's)
16. Learning more about cleaning
17. Repainting my kitchen
18. Learning how to cook some more simple things
19. Reading many more books, including (finally) the Harry Potter books and The Chronicles of Narnia
20. Seeing many wonderful movies and cartoons and anime and playing more video games
21. Listening to new music (though mainly songs I first heard through Glee and songs Michael listens to)
22. Apologizing to people after I had behaved wrongly
23. Finding ways to help improve my anxiety besides Klonopin (though I often need more than one technique to control my anxiety)
24. Improving my sexual dysfunction (still a long way to go)
25. Starting to drink more water
26. Eating more fruit and yogurt
26. Writing many more poems
27. Getting a short story published in an e-zine, and as an "Editor's Choice" story
28. Editing short stories and novels
29. Adopting another cat
30. Going to Anime Central and seeing all the panels I wanted to see and wearing Lolita clothing for the first time
31. Boating and going innertubing again
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Pictures )
unico_love: (childlike empress)
At my mother's today I spent most of my time playing Solitaire on my computer:P I could have started reading the last Harry Potter book (my uncle brought it with him), but I felt like I couldn't concentrate. Dinner was good (my mother cooked). Opening presents was fun. My aunt and uncle gave me a really pretty white sweater (there were no pink sweaters and my aunt remembered I also like the color white). My aunt and uncle also gave me a $75 gift certificate to amazon with which I bought The Care Bears: 25th Anniversary dvd set, Fantasia/Fantasia 2000 dvd set, Mining the Soul (Jungian psychology), The Spiritual Enneagram, and Literary Lost (about the television series Lost). My mother's boyfriend gave me a $50 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret and I immediately got on the computer to use it before everything I like is sold out in their semi-annual sale. There was one pair of pajamas left in a design I like (dark blue fading into yellow with snowflakes); they're styled after Long John's/thermal underwear. I also bought a sweater in the color "wine tweed." I went a little over my gift card at each place, which was expected. My mother's boyfriend also gave me his gift certificate to the salon/spa his sister always gives my mother and him gift certificates to; he hates that stuff.

Tonight Michael and I will probably watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special on hulu.com and something called "Father Christmas" which is on his dvd of "The Snowman" which he didn't bring.

I hope everyone else that celebrates has had a good Christmas!:D
unico_love: (Unico)
I had a bit of a rough time late last night because I was very bloated and freaking out over it (thinking I had gained a ton of weight overnight instead of it just being bloating). Also Michael couldn't find his dvd of The Snowman so we downloaded it and watched it. Because I was in such a bad mood I took a Klonopin and that settled me down. Michael calmed down because I became calmer. We watched The Nutcracker Prince before bed, too, and I wore my pink Victorian-style nightgown to bed.

This morning we got up and opened presents.

These are the presents I received --

Michael:
Bella Sara horse - Nike
Bella Sara horse - Valkrist
Who's the Boss? season 1 dvd set
The Nanny season 1 dvd set
Glee, first season dvd set
(and as of yesterday, the Dal doll named Melize)
Xena graphic novel (received 12/29)

Michael's mother:
Dark pink hooded sweater

Michael's sister:
Fruits Basket bookmark

Maria:
A KIMONO!!!! Pale pink with red roses! Along with the wooden shoes with dark pink cloth around the front of the foot and some hair pieces and the ribbons for wrapping around the kimono. This is an amazing gift!!! I will wear it to the Japanese festivals in the summer:-)

Disney Princess Memory Game
Ever After dvd
Thumbelina dvd
Fern Gully dvd
Birnbaum's Disney World 2011 book
A silver ballerina Christmas tree ornament
A threadless t-shirt of a fairy with butterflies and leaves
unico_love: (childlike empress)
I just had my whole post written up and then my cat stepped on it and deleted the whole thing!:( I'm so upset.

Today Michael had his new tire put on and my mother's boyfriend didn't charge him for it, which was really nice of him<3 Michael and I exchanged one gift with each other this afternoon and he gave me the Dal (same creator as Pullip dolls), Melize. She wears a teddy bear costume and a patterned apron. Then late this afternoon we went to my mother's house and took pictures and opened presents. Then my brother, Michael, and I played Uno. We ate spinach dip with bread and cookies. Tomorrow my mother's family comes over and we will have a big dinner/lunch and open more presents. My mother even filled my brother's and my stockings tonight, which she hasn't done for many years. My mother really liked her gifts (clothes and a gift certificate from Express for her to buy jeans).

These are the presents my mother and brother gave me:

Mother:
Stocking: 2 sets of colorful Bic pens
2 packs of Reese's Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups
2 large Trinidad chocolates from Fannie May
1 small milk chocolate Santa (which I'm giving to Michael, as I don't eat milk chocolate)
Body shimmer from Victoria's Secret
Maple nut fudge from Fannie May
Set of thin Crayola markers
Red braided bracelet with a silver heart with wings on it

Regular gifts: Puff the Magic Dragon dvd
Strawberry Shortcake dvd
Cabinet de Fees: a Fairy Tale Journal (book)
Waking Rose by Regina Doman
Black as Night by Regina Doman
The Midnight Dancers by Regina Doman
The Sidhe: Wisdom from the Celtic Otherworld by John Matthews
short mauve ruffled skirt
light blue/gray top with angel sleeves and cream buttons
Victoria's Secret "Polar Bears on Ice" thermal pajamas and slippers

Brother, Tommy:
Charles Vess art book
Princess and the Goblin dvd
Fables, vol. 11

Also April and Phil gave me a lavender unicorn pillow animal and Izzy gave me Fables, vol. 12 and the Tangled video game for Christmas/my birthday:-)
unico_love: (Unico)
I went from being in a terribly depressed mood the past three nights into an incredibly good mood tonight! I feel guilty for spending so much money this month on things I didn't need and I really want to save a little bit of money, but Christmas adventures seem more important! I want to go to a German Christmas festival in Chicago and look at all the crafts and other assorted goods. If I see something I really like and it's not too expensive Michael will buy it as an early birthday gift<3 My birthday is January 13, though I was due Christmas Eve (December 24). I also want to eat all the German foods listed by the vendors! I'm usually not an adventurous person when it comes to food, but I want to try the different desserts and meat-filled buns. Not the cheese or vegetable-filled buns, though. I also wish I could try the German hamburgers and potato pancakes. And I have a big craving for bratwurst now. I'm hoping this week I can get my mother to take me to the grocery store so I can get bratwurst and buns to put them on. That way I won't be tempted at the Christmas festival to get something I already know I like and can get at other times. Same with cheese strudel (if it is what I think it is, it is something cheese-like that I do consume). We might be able to go to this Christmas festival earlier in the day and then go to Lincoln Park Zoo at night for their lights festival (like the Brookfield Zoo thing I just went to). I will have to withdraw more money, but it would be worth it. At least I am 100% done with Christmas presents and just have to wrap some.

Also Michael was going to buy me the anime Romeo x Juliet for my birthday, but I can watch it on hulu.com and will only choose that over other things if I really, really like the series and feel I will rewatch it many times. I usually dread my birthday, but tonight I feel excited about it. Zyprexa must make me rapid cycle or something, because I am feeling insanely good right now. Though usually on Zyprexa my mood is stable (it's not like my mood is going up and down so much on a regular basis).
unico_love: (crystal ball)
Today has been a good day so far. I didn't feel anxious today, even before taking Ritalin LA. My mood has been stable. My mother cooked and we ate around 1pm. Then my brother, Michael, and I played Disney Princesses Uno. Michael won most of the games and I won the least:P We watched South Park episodes, too. Now Michael and I are going to put up my Christmas tree. Tomorrow after my mother drops my brother off at work she, Michael, and myself will go to the library (I'm desperate to read the Harry Potter books now after seeing the last movie!) and to Town Square in Wheaton. There I will go to Victoria's Secret, which will probably be very crowded, but hopefully not as crowded as the mall Victoria's Secret will be. I haven't heard about any special in-person sales. I know their semi-annual sale isn't here, at least. I'm hoping that will help keep things under control. I am only going there for (hopefully!) one pair of underwear. I love the design but it's sold out in my size online. I have seen them in two Victoria's Secrets this month but didn't buy them then because they didn't have a couple other designs I wanted and I wanted to get 5/$25. I did buy 5/$25 today online because of free shipping today and that's when I found out the underwear I want is not available in "pink snowflakes":( $8.50 seems expensive for a pair of underwear (and I kind of want to get two if I see two in my size>_>), but I am very stubborn and really want them. I spent too much this month because there were so many sales. I at least don't feel too bad about buying Lost, season 6 for $24 on amazon.com earlier (with no shipping paid), because now it's back up to $41 on amazon. I'm sure a lot of stores will have it cheaper than that for the sales, but I haven't yet seen it cheaper than $24. Tonight we will watch the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special and the Garfield Thanksgiving special. I hope everyone is having a great day today, whether or not you celebrate Thanksgiving:D

Also my brother and I were talking about Harry Potter (he loves it) and which house we would be sorted into. I would probably be Ravenclaw (though I didn't used to think that, despite "book smarts," other than art, being about my only strong point). Luna is in Ravenclaw and I can identify with her a bit, so I suppose that works. I insisted my brother would be Slytherin (trying to kill my mother and me, threatening to burn the house down, etc.) and he said no way, because he isn't evil. I brought up the aformentioned offenses and he looked at me like I was crazy. My mother was in the room and said he seems to have no memory of those sociopathic years he spent on cocaine and dxm. Three years ago he spent Christmas, New Year's, and his birthday in jail. He also didn't want to play Scrabble with Michael and me (which is why we played Uno) because he said he played it too much in jail.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Pictures! )
unico_love: (Cat mask)
I had bad insomnia last night and laid in bed from 9:30pm until well after 1am. I slept in a bit late, the showered and put on my Renaissance costume. Michael is handing out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. We had on the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I wanted to see because I'd never seen it the whole way through. I didn't like it too much, though:-/ It made me very uncomfortable and I felt a bit trapped. The whole look of everything was very depressing to me. We will watch my Garfield Halloween special later and the new episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We took some pictures of me in my costume and I will post them later (after I finally post zoo pictures...). Michael and I also went to Coldstone Creamery to get ice cream earlier today (I had cheesecake with oreo crumbles and Michael had cookie batter with M&M's). I have a new library book to read, too, though I've heard negative things about it (Torment). I've had a few slight down periods today, but I've mostly been happy. Michael seems to be having a good day. My mother left for her Florida vacation today, and she left me a little money, which is great because now I can buy some wet cat food and cat litter<3 I hope everyone else is having a great day!

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August 2013

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