unico_love: (crystal ball)
Not feeling anxious unless I leave my bed. Occasionally I can go out shopping, if there is a hint of a "reward." I overdraw my bank account by $4, but didn't get penalized. I also went over my credit card by about the same amount, but didn't get penalized. I've been taking from savings. I guess overspending has been helping me avoid my real problems and acted as a form of escapism. I've bought a lot of new clothes because nothing in my closet fits. Still gaining weight... I'm going to get my colors done into a personalized fan, which my mother thinks is a waste of money. Well buying new clothes in styles and colors that look good on me and obsessing over the color and style analysis is taking my mind off the fact that I look pregnant and feel fat. It's either this or *completely* starve myself and then end up back inpatient in the ED Ward and spend the money on that instead. Which would she prefer? I mean, I have no appetite. It's common at 11pm for me to ask Michael if I had remembered to eat that day.

John Kitchener, my favorite color/style analyst, I think, considers me half Romantic and half Youthful (AKA Ingenue in other systems). Both are completely yin. He said to think "Marilyn Monroe meets Emma Stone." That made me feel a little better about my appearance. I never before cared for Marilyn Monroe, but now I'm starting to. I want to learn more about her and watch "My Week with Marilyn" because she sounds like she was a very sweet and naive person. I'll always be an Audrey Hepburn first first, though. When I'm healthy my weight/size is a little closer to Audrey's (by a *smidge*) but I have a more rounded figure than her still and a face more like Marilyn's. So, still more of a Romantic.

John also said, color-wise, he saw Winter, Spring, and Summer in me and that I'm a tough case (no wonder I kept switching what season I thought I was!). He could see me as a Snowflake Winter (the shortest and most delicate -- personality-wise like Snow White or Alice from Alice in Wonderland), a Soft Spring, or a Summer. He said he saw a lot of "Subtle-Blended in me, AKA Summer). He is coming out with a book explaining all this next year. Very excited about it! He's a very kind man who adopted a litter of kittens (6!) and wrote on my FB and conversed with me despite his business and my inability to pay him. It's good I've decided to go the route of having a personalized fan made instead of a draping given that I probably don't fit neatly into one season (I'll see what my analyst has to say, but I think she agrees, as most do, that I am LSp mostly). I'm also a "Playful Winter: The Ballerina" in another typing system, which I love.

My mother is really tense and anxious lately and often takes it out on me. That makes me anxious and I feel like a failure. My brother can also have a snobby attitude, like he's in-charge of my mother's house. All the cats are over there now as she tries to sell this house. I still haven't gotten my salivary cortisol test results back! As I said before, I have osteoporosis and got those results back.

Izzy is back in the US! Saw her in Chicago first for a showing of My Neighbor Totoro and then to see the Chicago Art Institute's museum. We saw a special showcase of Impressionism, Fashion, and Modernity. Impressionism is my favorite so I'm so glad we went and saw it! I'd wanted to see it since I'd last been in Chicago months ago and I saw a poster for it at a bus stop. I was in a lot of pain, though, in my legs, hips, lower back, and shoulder wear I keep my purse. Maybe due to not enough exercise? I have no idea. I am okay sitting in bed, but sleeping or walking/standing hurts.

Today I went to a thrift shop today and bought a lot of tops, mostly in corals, light blues, and dark purples. I couldn't fit into a Medium Aeropostale top. That was... upsetting. At my healthy weight I comfortably wore a Small from there, both top and bottom.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
I'm feeling depressed about my life. I've accomplished so little in the past year other than stay alive. I've had symptom after symptom pop up. Abnormal test result followed by abnormal test result with no "real" answer. Nothing that connects the dots. When I get my dizzy spells, Michael worries what they mean. My brother and mother were hoping for a tumor in the pituitary gland. Hoping for a tumor... How low do you have to sink for that? My mentality is way off. I like the internet, but don't get enjoyment the way I used to out of in-person socializing. I don't feel like sending emails, though, either. I have nothing to say. I do nothing that would interest other people. My main enjoyment comes from helping other people and giving to other people. Hence, Project Snow makes me happy. Helping a loved one less fortunate who could benefit not only financially from me, but from my knowledge of things like make up and clothing, etc.

I'm reading a book right now and it says how everything is conscious. You can incarnate as literally anything and reincarnate as anything. It's like, I've thought this since I was 11 years old. I've prayed for the souls of living and non-living things for many, many years. People need a book on it? I get people have different beliefs, but this stuff is so ingrained in my heart. I'm feeling less desire to be partnered (who knows? Maybe that's just my lack of libido). I wouldn't mind becoming a nun, but I do not agree with the Catholic church. Maybe Buddhist? I am ready to take a vow of poverty and a vow of celibacy. I no longer feel fit for this world. At times that scares me and I think I'm going to die soon, having finished with this life. I feel like I've already lived through so much and learned so much from everything.

This sickness leaves me feeling haunted. My body is disjointed, not interacting properly with the environment. It is not running well. Neither is my mind, personality, or spirit. I am full of love for everyone. That is the one thing intact. I am bursting with love. I feel quite strange.
unico_love: (Default)
I feel really fuzzy right now, like I had a seizure or might have a seizure, so bear with me. But I've felt like this for awhile, so it could be a false alarm. But the neurologist doesn't think I'm aware of a lot of my seizures, so who knows? I'm confusing myself. New topic.

We went to Oakbrook Mall. Michael was irritable some of the time, but I'm glad we went! I didn't realize they had some great stores there I would actually use! Maybe it's because I've grown up a bit and some of my tastes have changed? I try to use more environmentally sound products, cruetly-free, if at all possible. Some of the clothes I like are more mature. I spend more on products and am consciously trying to buy less plastic crap.

Anyways, I have been planning on buying Izzy and myself Bare Escentuals lipstick (two a piece) online -- but there was a boutique there! Unfortunately, it didn't have all the lipstick colors. And apparently they are changing the lipstick shades April 11th. I have to wait until April 3-4th to afford the lipstick. But I decided I want to buy the "old" lipstick because then it will gone for good, and we'd have plenty of time to buy the "new" lipstick if we wanted to. A color Izzy was interested in, but was sold out online, was in the boutique -- Berry Glace, so even though Izzy hadn't made her second decision (she had decided on her first -- Italian Ice) I bought it for her. On our way back out of the mall, Michael bought me a Bare Escentuals lipstick in Parfait. It's a little peachier than the color I was considering (Gelato - more straight nude pink, though Parfait is also a nude on me).

We went to Sephora and it was a full one, with the Jasmine line. I looked at the Urban Decay things. It was a bit squashed by the beauty chairs area, though, so I couldn't tell if they had palettes besides the Naked ones. I want to buy Michael's sister an Urban Decay palette for Christmas if I can afford it -- the Vice palette if it returns. I have it set to tell me by email if it returns online. I liked looking at all the different skin products and make up... But I'm broke, so I didn't buy anything.

There was a Soma there, and I love their underwear! It's so pretty and comfortable. I should buy my mother some from there sometime. I bought mine online and had to pay a lot in shipping. Now I know there is a brick and mortar store nearby.

There was a Disney store! All the Disney Stores seem to be closing...

There was an H&M! We don't have one at the mall we usually go to, but I love this store, and they don't sell online. I bought my mother her Mother's Day gift her -- a blue sweater for $10. They always have great pricee, plus now they are selling spring/summer clothes.

I tried to send something to the Glen Ellyn Post Office by Newton Park and they gave me trouble, like they always do. It left me very agitated. I hate that post office and do not intend to use it for packages again. Today Michael mailed my package from the downtown Glen Ellyn Post Office without any problems. I've got a big package I'm putting together for Poland to send out mid-April and will probably use that post office. Michael had a good experience.

I'm still having anxiety and taking 2mg Klonopin everyday, but I'm trying to feel less guilty about that, because my endocrine conditions can cause severe depression and severe anxiety (as well as irritability and hostility). I figure once I'm treated I will start feeling better and not be so med-reliant. I have been obsessed with Cushing's Disease today. I'm pretty sure I have an early/mild case of it starting to progress pretty fast. My weight gain hasn't been in the usual places for me (thighs, for instance), but my belly, in a pregnancy-type fashion. It has cellulite over it. I can't fit into any pants -- including new ones I bought for weight gain -- so I'm going to just wear sweatpants, pajama pants, and elastic waist skirts for the time being. Everyone assures me when I'm treated my body will go back to normal.

My breasts are getting big, too, but that doesn't bother me as much:P I'm wearing one of my new (ebay) bras today, too and yet I'm now getting quadboob from this too(28DD, could use a 28E -- for some other companies I would need a 28F). Hahaha, yes, laugh those who knew me as a college freshman! 4'11" and an A-cup! Well, not really -- just wearing the wrong bra size, as most do (more like a 28C). Anyways, I am not fat, I do not think any of you reading this are fat -- it's just my fat deposits are going to my waist and boobs only because my body thinks it's having a baby very soon and needs to be lactating. I read yesterday, though, that people like myself wtih very high prolactin levels often *don't* lactate -- it's the low-highs that do. Which doesn't make sense to me, but whatever.

I might start getting the Cushings stretch marks soon, which I dread. You can always lose weight -- stretch marks are another issue all together. And my face may become rounder (that's another weird thing -- usually my face gets rounder as I gain weight -- my face is not the slightest bit rounder/chubbier from when I was 25lbs lighter; I'm 5'1", so that's saying a lot). I've been playing with make up a lot and taking lots of face pictures and posting my favorites to Facebook. It sounds vain, but that's one of the few areas of my body that still feels "normal." And that I still feel I can make pretty. It reassures me that this weight gain is not normal because, if it were, my face would look chubbier.

I'm very anxious about the fact it takes many tests to diagnose Cushing's, and then more tests to figure out where the tumor causing it is located (and then you usually do surgery and you have to find a good surgeon... Luckily I live in the Chicago area, so I'm sure there would be an appropriate surgeon not too far). Usually Cushings is caused by a pituitary tumor. I *also* most likely have *another* pituitary tumor -- a prolactinoma releasing way too much prolactin (hence the boobs and the belly and the associated emotional pseudo-pregnant bullshit). That would be treated with strong meds to shrink the tumor and lower my prolactin levels. Two tumors. Two conditions. Two treatments. Two hormones (Cushings is too much cortisol being released from the tumor). A lot of overlapping symptoms -- including osteoporosis -- I want a bone scan asap, because my joints and back and hips hurt a lot the past few months. I will call the endocrinologist about that on Monday, and if she doesn't do anything, call my general practitioner (who works very close by) and ask for a bone scan. I also should go to her office and have my records transferred to her so she knows what's going on. Maybe I will even make an appointment with her. She works Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. My endocrinologist is also part-time. My psychiatrist is the one who has my testosterone results, but I think my endocrinologist got them from him, and those were the most important ones. It's just having two possible conditions at once, with pituitary tumors involved, is overloading and confusing. Though I like that they could explain most of the problems I've gained over the past decade.

On a happier note, Michael went out with Dan and brought me back a large-ish vinyl figurine of Fluttershy from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Though I do have too much random "junk" as it is@_@
unico_love: (Delight)
Today I was not very anxious. I did feel like fainting when I woke up, though. My head felt heavy and cold, my hands felt cold. Upon standing, I swayed and saw black. So after breakfast (oatmeal) and not feeling better, I had some chicken, which helped very quickly. It had been a couple days since I'd had meat. I'm super reliant on it. I'm going to try rice and beans since it's supposed to also be a complete protein. I felt tired from the Valerian I took earlier and laid down in bed for awhile. I finished reading a book. I felt steady enough to shower and afterwards I was freezing cold.

I received Cinderella the dvd/Blu-ray combo in the mail today, as well as my neuro/cardio bill. I was charged nothing for neuro, presumably because I had Medicaid as well as Medicare then. I was charged $80 for cardio, after I was taken off Medicaid. I just paid the bill to not deal with the hassle, though I hope I get re-approved for Medicaid. I think with my bank statement I have a good chance.

Michael and Dan went on a trip up to eastern Wisconsin, just past the Illinois border, looking at a bunch of stores. I was picked up by our friend Kat and brought to her condo where a group was playing Scrabble and Bananagrams and I watched (by choice). We talked and I had peppermint tea and we ate veggie pizza. I ate three pieces. I don't know why I didn't get full sooner... And now I'm paying for it with bad gas -- bloated and abdominal cramping. I'm drinking more peppermint tea to see if that helps.

Now I'm back at home, drinking tea, about to take my meds, and I've turned on the heat to 68 degrees. I'm probably going to sleep in the clothes I'm wearing and just take my bra off and wear lots of layers (I'm wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt, thermal leggings, lounge pants, as well as a fleece sweater. It's probably about time to wash and put away the new jersey sheets and put on the old flannel sheets. Then eventually the fleece.

My goals for tomorrow:
-Pick up clutter
-Put old vacuum into my brother's car, as well as other recyclable electronics
-Rearrange bookshelves and get rid of more books possibly
-Work on CBT book
-Journal
-Read
-Watch movie
-Back up everything onto my external hard drive
-Clean the litterboxes
-Dust
-Email/Internet stuff
-See if I have any more clothes to get rid of
-Put away/break down boxes

I've broken a couple rules and bought myself 2 $0.01 books from amazon.com the past 2 days. They require $3.99 shipping, so really it's $8.00. I already have books to read!>_< I'm also craving clothes, but I just bought clothes. So maybe this is less superficial of me? We can only hope... I also finished buying Michael's birthday presents and paid my hospital bill and ambulance bill. I paid rent and credit card and netflix. My major bills in waiting that are unavoidable: electric, gas, Valium, and cat food. Other things I will spring for are: food/coffee out with friends and the pumpkin farm. Maybe I will find myself up to buying some Christmas presents early. Who knows? I will wait until later in the month in case of more unexpected bills before I buy anything unnecessary and unexpected. I'd love to use my credit card barely at all so next month I have more money in my checking account and can pay back my $80 for the external hard drive back to my packet of savings. That would be a good start on my quest for saving. A quest that mostly will have to wait until after Christmas.
unico_love: (Unico)
I found out something interesting when my mother was visiting -- apparently I started drawing (not just scribbling, but focusing for long periods of time and drawing) at 15 months old. I am guessing that is an "autistic thing." A lot of autistics start doing things early/late. Art is one of my biggest talents. Great news is that my mother's boyfriend may be able to have me sponsored through his rotary club to take art classes at the Dupage Art League! That would add more structure to my life and I could improve my art. I also could enter their art shows again. I feel like, knowing I was basically doing art before I was speaking, that I am meant to do art. That is what I was doing when I didn't fear judgment, when I didn't worry about messing up or not living up to someone's standards. Art is my calling.
unico_love: (Possession)
Did errands today. Probably won't get around to painting, but I will at least find a reference picture for the rabbit for the baby shower painting. Maybe I will paint the outline of the rabbit. For errands we went to ALDI (a grocery store) for bottled water, then Caribou Coffee where I bought Michael and myself a frappuccino (yay! I finally spelled that word right!). Then we went to Comcast to return the cable boxes. That was kind of a long drive. We went to Target for Michael and I bought Chobani yogurt. They were out of vanilla, which disappointed me. Then I noticed they sold pomegranate Chobani yogurt! I had never realized this! I love anything pomegranate! So I bought the last three. And that is what I will try eating today. I am excited:-)

Also now I really want to win that Jason Wu auction. It will never happen and I'm sure there will be a bidding war at the end, but I can dream:P I swear next month I will go on a financial fast. No shopping, no new books. I have plenty of books and libraries. I have plenty of perfectly good clothes. I want to save money so I can go on trips and so forth.
unico_love: (Possession)
Yesterday was rather frustrating in that, checking my order status of the coat I ordered, my order had been canceled. I got ahold of a person on the phone quickly and they said the item was sold out and there would be no more available. They should have at least sent me an email saying they were canceling my order! And why was I able to check out in the first place? The woman on the phone suggested calling local stores (it has in-person stores) so I did. The one at the mall near me had a coat by the same description (charcoal, hoodless peacoat that had a belt at the waist) and I put it on hold. It wasn't the same coat!:( It had no pockets, was a little shorter, and the waist was tied instead of with a buckle. It was the same price, only the online coats (and other closed) are usually slashed in price, whereas the stores charge full-price. So while I purchased the coat online for $51.11 (my brother's birthday gift to me), I paid $65! Some of that due to an almost 10% sales tax. I paid for the difference between what my brother paid for my missing coat and the coat I did purchase. I decided I liked it and it fit well, so I kept it, but I'm still bitter about what has now in my mind become the "ideal" coat. I don't own a really fitted coat -- my coats are all bulky or big on me. I could have purchased my ideal coat in a Medium instead of a Small, but that would be big on me which would defeat the purpose of buying a fitted coat with a cinched waist.

Church was fun today. It was a Christmas pageant where random church members raised their hands to play different parts and got into costume. There was a man narrating the nativity story and more and more people would join the nativity. Between every addition of characters there was a Christmas song. Michael had to move because a woman behind us started chewing gum, but he moved near other friends of ours. A lot of the church is Humanist and Michael and I are not. We celebrate Christmas and enjoy Christmas services, though we also enjoy services for holidays and religious traditions of any kind. We plan on going to the Solstice service and Christmas Eve service. We had book club after church today. The book was Griftopia and about the economy problems in the US. It was very depressing and I only read a little bit (politics tend to trigger my PTSD because my father was bizarrely obsessed and paranoid about politics).
unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
My facial cost more than I expected (I guess my price last time was only for first-time visitors) and I was talked into buying toner for sensitive skin. I hope the toner helps... I have very dry skin with big red patches near my nose. The facial felt good, at least. I might invest in a more expensive moisturizer for dry skin to use at night, while using my regular spf 30 Eucerin in the morning. I also have stupidly been using an exfoliating scrub every night and that's probably irritating my skin. While my skin is like this I will try to stick to just Cetaphil (a very mild cleanser).

I don't feel too bad about all that because I owed less on my credit card than I expected. I also bought an expensive book on amazon (used). It's like the female version of "The Hero's Journey" with lots of discussion of fairy tales. I have some books I should probably start reading tonight... I have been so lazy lately.

Also I'm bloated again today, though not as badly as yesterday. I'm thinking Zoloft is the culprit because I wasn't having any bloating issues before I started it. So I'm going to start taking Zoloft at night instead of in the morning to see if I can sleep through the bloating. Of course, that didn't work with my old birth control pills, but it's worth a try.
unico_love: (sailor moon beauty)
202: what did you do last Saturday?

Saw the Beauty and the Beast Disney play in Chicago and ate at Five Guys.

203: what is the last thing you had to save your money for?

I don't know. I usually have had enough money to pay for what is needed without consciously saving for it. However, I have very little money in my account at the end of each month. I do have to start saving money more for bills, the dentist (what I'm currently "saving" for), my regular doctor's appointment in March, and my eye appointment and contacts next summer (costs over $400 so I have to save up over time).

365 Day Meme )

Hot Day

Jul. 18th, 2011 09:16 pm
unico_love: (Delight)
Today I briefly went swimming in my mother's boyfriend's pool down the street. My new bathing suit seems to fit pretty well... Then we went grocery shopping and I bought a lot of relatively healthy foods since mostly I eat junk. I read more Russian fairy tales and streamed the movie Cyberbully which just came out on ABC Family. Michael and I might watch some anime tonight. My brother might sleep over tonight because there's no air-conditioning in my mother's house (there is in my house and my mother's boyfriend's house -- where my mother usually sleeps). I have had temptations to spend money, but so far have not given in. I'm going to do stretches now and draw a bit. My mood today has been pretty stable aside from the anxiety of leaving the house to go to the grocery store. I also had my credit card paid off online! It was taken out of my checking account. That will be an easier way to pay.
unico_love: (Delight)
Figuring out how to pay my credit card bill online. That just happened about an hour ago.

365 Day Meme )
unico_love: (Amalthea)
It may sound strange, since I disowned him at age 13 and have PTSD because of him, but I miss my father. I have been coming across things online that I think he would find funny. He laughed a lot. And I miss the good memories with him, such as at Disney World. He was very charming and could be a lot of fun. I know he was in a lot of pain and probably had PTSD himself. He always said that "intelligence" and things like IQ's didn't matter (he scored very high at age 10 after learning to read at age 9 and everyone thought he was mentally retarded until that test). What mattered was working hard and doing your best. He said looks didn't matter and that cheerleading was silly (my aunt was a former cheerleader and thought I should become one). He thought modeling was also stupid and turned down being a model when he was a teenager. I have been asked to model a couple times for professional photographers, but I turned them down, which I'm sure would have made my father happy.

My father studied architecture in college, which I was also interested in as a child, though he dropped out of school. He was good at handling pressure and financial problems -- my mother gets too anxious and that makes me anxious. I know, realistically, my family is in a better financial position than probably the average person in the US right now, but finances are still so stressful. My father handled all the finances when he was alive. I don't think he was a bad person... just mentally ill. That doesn't excuse his behaviors, but it does show he wasn't an evil person at heart.

The girl leading the UU Young Adult Group said at the group that her father died 11 years ago -- my father died 10 1/2 years ago. She graduated high school a year after me, so she was probably around my brother's age when our father died when her father died. I kind of wanted to share that with her, but I didn't want to sound presumptuous or take away from her loss. Because I disowned my father years before he died and wasn't on good terms with him I sometimes think I was luckier than people whose parent died whom they were on good terms with. On the other hand, I feel I lost my father quite early and he was more of a ghost in my final years, so maybe my loss is as meaningful -- just different.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
I can't focus... I don't know why. I go through periods like that. I keep having the desire to shop, but I'm trying to keep it under control. I worry about things that are on-sale going off-sale when I can afford them. I don't need anything so badly that I should be worrying about that. I'm going to try playing Dragon Quest IV for a little while and then read. Once I start reading it is generally easier for me to keep with it. I'm still sick today, but I always feel a lot better after I've been up for awhile.
unico_love: (Unico)
I went from being in a terribly depressed mood the past three nights into an incredibly good mood tonight! I feel guilty for spending so much money this month on things I didn't need and I really want to save a little bit of money, but Christmas adventures seem more important! I want to go to a German Christmas festival in Chicago and look at all the crafts and other assorted goods. If I see something I really like and it's not too expensive Michael will buy it as an early birthday gift<3 My birthday is January 13, though I was due Christmas Eve (December 24). I also want to eat all the German foods listed by the vendors! I'm usually not an adventurous person when it comes to food, but I want to try the different desserts and meat-filled buns. Not the cheese or vegetable-filled buns, though. I also wish I could try the German hamburgers and potato pancakes. And I have a big craving for bratwurst now. I'm hoping this week I can get my mother to take me to the grocery store so I can get bratwurst and buns to put them on. That way I won't be tempted at the Christmas festival to get something I already know I like and can get at other times. Same with cheese strudel (if it is what I think it is, it is something cheese-like that I do consume). We might be able to go to this Christmas festival earlier in the day and then go to Lincoln Park Zoo at night for their lights festival (like the Brookfield Zoo thing I just went to). I will have to withdraw more money, but it would be worth it. At least I am 100% done with Christmas presents and just have to wrap some.

Also Michael was going to buy me the anime Romeo x Juliet for my birthday, but I can watch it on hulu.com and will only choose that over other things if I really, really like the series and feel I will rewatch it many times. I usually dread my birthday, but tonight I feel excited about it. Zyprexa must make me rapid cycle or something, because I am feeling insanely good right now. Though usually on Zyprexa my mood is stable (it's not like my mood is going up and down so much on a regular basis).
unico_love: (Amalthea)
Despite doing well, I'm terrified my severe anxiety will return. I guess I'm anxious about getting anxious... I'm afraid I'm going to suddenly have a panic attack for no reason or to slip back into my obsessions. I'm not taking Klonopin, but I'm on-edge because I'm afraid. I also feel bad because I just bought a manga I didn't realize had been released (vol. 5 of The Shinji Ikari Raising Project of Neon Genesis Evangeion. It only cost $10, but I don't have much money right now and I'm waiting to see if my overnight hospital bill will come in this month. I have no idea how much it will cost or when the bill will arrive. I want to have enough money to cover that. If this wasn't lingering over my head I wouldn't feel so guilty for buying the manga. I did withdraw money from my account that I'm going to try to use for all in-person purchases this month, if it lasts. I withdrew it mostly to buy gifts at the Ginza Festival (this weekend's Japanese festival in Chicago), but I also need to use it to pay for medications, Miralax, and things like that. I know I shouldn't worry too much, because I can borrow money from my mother or Michael and if I'm careful I should be all right, but I hate dealing with finances.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Today I wasted too much time online, then went to the mall to buy a skirt from Aeropostale that was on sale. I didn't buy it yesterday because I was on Klonopin and that makes me think it's a good idea to buy everything, so I bought nothing to be cautious. In all honesty I shouldn't be buying anything since I have my eye dilation and psychiatrist appointment next week, but the skirt only cost $15 and I don't have a summer skirt that is shorter (just a longer one that I can't even find).

I feel guilty because I didn't do two things my mother asked before I left home: 1. Turning off the air-conditioning (she just turned it up to 80 -- not off altogether) and 2. Putting the bag of salt in the water-softener. And my mother hurt her back today! I feel bad for her.

While at the stores today I started having a full-blown panic attack, I think triggered just by autistic overload. I took a Klonopin at Walmart. Too many people and too much chaos. Check out at stores is torture to me. Then Michael bought me two miniature pizzas. One I ate for lunch/dinner and one I'm saving for tomorrow. He's so nice to me! Next time I will buy him pizza.

Amber and I are finally talking on msn! I'm not sure what the problem was, but we had problem getting each other to show up on our Windows Live/msn screens. We got it working and we're chatting now. Hopefully we will use the microphones soon.

Aside from panicking, my day is going pretty well, overall. I'm going to start reading soon. And I need to find that Xena episode where Gabrielle is a concubine or something and does an alluring dance and Xena is in some kind dungeon there... I simply can't figure out which episode it is and I want to watch it:-/
unico_love: (childlike empress)
Today mostly Michael and I have been watching The Mysterious Cities of Gold, which was made in France, Japan, and Canada and aired on Nickelodeon in the US. I used to love it as a child and it made me want to be an anthropologist (though I didn't know the word "anthropologist" then). Watching this has really made me want to go on a trip to Peru and Bolivia. I used to want to go to South America to see the ancient ruins, but I've let it slip from my mind for a long time. Hopefully someday I will get to go:)

My nausea has mostly been under control today and I ate plenty for dinner without feeling ill. I think cream sauces and the like would make me quite sick, but I had tomato sauce on pasta for dinner and I didn't feel sick. I am kind of excited about buying Izzy's birthday gift (I love buying gifts), though I feel bad that it will probably take awhile to arrive. Next I'm saving money for my eye appointment and then Michael's ring. I am contemplating getting a digital camera at some point in the near future, too. I still have to take my art photographs... I will probably get to see April tomorrow evening, so yay for that, too!

I have to call my psychiatrist soon and display my displeasure at his leaving without warning for two weeks when I'd just talked to him previously and he told me to call him "sooner to when I'd run out" for a medication refill. Now I need a Geodon prescription (and probably a small Zyprexa prescription for emergencies) before I see him July 29.
unico_love: (Amalthea)
I have to go to the dentist soon:-( I've been putting it off, but my mother worries my cavities will need root canals if I wait too long. I hope that's not already an issue... Several teeth of mine hurt from time to time, but one of them especially. Anything chewy is terrible. I'm really hoping it all won't be too expensive. I'm trying to save up for an eye appointment to get more contacts and I'm afraid they'll want to also change my glasses prescription if I go in and they don't test me with my glasses (I see much more clearly -- especially typing -- with my glasses than with my contacts, even though they are the same prescription). I definitely don't want new lenses for my glasses. Unfortunately I still let financial worries get to me. I probably won't see someone about my eyes for a few more months, so that's more time to save money.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I keep getting lots of packages. I've bought too much and have to be very selective the rest of the month. I bought Mario Kart DS because it was on a major sale on amazon.com and I love those games. I also got my Sweet Lolita dress in the mail and it actually fits! I think the measurements listed on the site are the maximum measurements. It's not even really long on me, even though I'm really short. It's a bit cold today, so we will probably stay indoors. I'd like to write, read, play Mario Kart, and watch Hime-chan's Ribbon. Maybe also another episode of Jim Henson's The Storyteller. I'm a bit nervous about money, but I think I can make it the rest of the month with spending little and my expenses will mainly be from gynecological stuff (and some Evo cat food once the cat food runs low, and possibly litter).
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I told Michael I wouldn't spend any more money this month on "green" things except maybe small things, like when I run out of toothpaste, etc. However, if I go to the pet store later this month (which I might have to, for cat litter) I will probably buy 3 small bowls for the wet cat food. The only reason I haven't so far is that often they don't finish the wet food and I would be really disgusted to clean out their bowls. I hate wet cat food. Michael has been suggesting I buy wet cat food dishes for years (I used to use one). So I might end up buying those.

I also read in a natural living post about replacing (most) paper towels with regular dish-like towels and replacing paper napkins with cloth napkins. Or replacing Kleenex with handkerchiefs. I'm not sure of the prices for that stuff, but I will consider it maybe next month. I have a ton of unopened paper towels (which I also use as napkins), so I could wait awhile. I also have an unopened box of Kleenex. I'd like my next purchases to be closer to when I'm actually running out of my "normal" products. The cleaning products I bought when hypomanic aren't things I really need yet, aside from the dish detergent. And there are many easy ways to make all-purpose cleaners, so after I run out of all that stuff I will just make my own all-purpose cleaner.

In the future I will run out of things at different times, so it should be a lot cheaper to replace things one at a time. I wish I could find a good cat litter, but like I said, the really good ones naturally/good for the cats make my whole house smell bad. I hope to find a better litter, but it may take awhile.

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unico_love

August 2013

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