unico_love: (Hotaru with umbrella)
My heart is racing and I just woke up from a dream about people shooting a cat and her kittens and three birds because I asked them to stop feeding the animals cookies and chocolate...
unico_love: (Snow White)
Today has been a good day and for that I am grateful. Michael and I woke up a bit late. My mother apparently textmessaged me about her dog, whom she was supposed to drop off for me to take care of and then take back to her house before we went to the UU church for our "Spirit in Practice" class. Well, fussy Rasputin didn't want to come over. She was texting me to take him out to pee before the church. I texted her back that I was "in a meeting." O_o Okay... I have no recollection of doing this and have never really been "in a meeting." So it must have been related to a dream I was having... So, sleepwalking, sleep-eating, sleep-talking, now sleep-texting. Unfortunately I did not take the poor dog out to pee:( I'd assumed my mother took him to work with her, which is allowed where she went today:( Oh well, he was okay.

Church was fun! We made lists of what we thought prayer were and what we thought meditation were and how we thought they were similar and different. Then we did a quiet meditation and then an eating meditation (a tangerine). We did a hymn and a reading. We did a couple of worksheet/readings, too, and were given Unitarian Universalist prayer beads. After the church thing we bought cheap cocounut hair conditioner and I read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis.

I bid on ebay>_>. I allowed my auctions to all end with me losing except the one that was the sweater that reminded me of Mary Margaret Blanchard from Once Upon a Time. I followed Michael's advice and bid my max bid at the end of the auction. I tend to be very impatient and lose the auctions at just a dollar to two above the maximum I'm willing to pay! Very frustrating! I also put in a higher max bid for the mint Anthropologie floral top I love so much that I posted a picture of in here. It will end tomorrow during the day when I will probably be busy, so I just put in the bid and got it over with. The last one ended this morning just $2 past my max bid-_- I should have just paid more. It wasn't worth the hassle... I could have saved elsewhere. If I don't win this auction hopefully there are yet more tops.

Amber (surprisingly) left me an ebay message so I called her, but she was eating. She said she'd call back later tonight, but I want to go to bed early so I will probably call her soon.

My uncle just adopted an eight year old rescue Silk Terrier who is not house broken. His name was Binky (really??) and my uncle re-named him Ernie, after Earnest Hemingway.
unico_love: (mermaid moon)
I had a dream last night about guns, the Tea Party, and a war. However, it wasn't an apocalyptic war or anything, which is part of why it took awhile for me to remember it had just been a dream. I hate politics, so I don't know why I'm dreaming about them.

Also, I felt irritable waking up. I hate feeling irritable or angry more than any emotion. They tend to make me feel like a bad person -- especially when I express them. I imagine most people feel irritable far more often than they feel angry, but that is not true for me. In fact, I have a high frustration tolerance for people (other situations, not so much). When I burst into anger it may seem most logical that I'd been irritable for awhile, piling up irritations until I couldn't take it and exploded in anger. That isn't how it works for me. I get angry all of a sudden, usually from one specific incident. But when I reflect on the past I can see other things, which for a long time I just remained "curious" about, seem to match my reason for being angry and that leads me to think my anger is justified. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. Fortunately my irritation seems to be leaving me...
unico_love: (Cat mask)
One of the dreams that interests me the most is a dream I had where I was fey (but looked like a beautiful, lithe human with very long hair). I was the daughter of the Fairy King and lived in hidden spaces in a castle. A soldier r*ped me and I spent decades preparing myself to get back at him and had him killed (with me taking part) when he was later an old man. I didn't age, which is common in my dreams. It wasn't one of the most pleasant dreams, but I found it very interesting.

365 Day Meme )
unico_love: (Cat mask)
One of the dreams that interests me the most is a dream I had where I was fey (but looked like a beautiful, lithe human with very long hair). I was the daughter of the Fairy King and lived in hidden spaces in a castle. A soldier r*ped me and I spent decades preparing myself to get back at him and had him killed (with me taking part) when he was later an old man. I didn't age, which is common in my dreams.

365 Day Meme )
unico_love: (Unico)
I had a dream last night that I think should have been more upsetting than it was. Though I do worry a little that parts of it will hit me later. Instead, it made me feel more calm, more okay, and like some of my current (bad) obsessions were unnecessary. I feel no ill will toward anyone. I love everyone I know right now. I forgive everyone. I feel very fortunate. My anxiety is not bothering me. Amber emailed me last night that she was very sorry she didn't make it online yesterday to talk to me by microphone. She talked about all she'd done in the day (she was very busy). I felt good about this and didn't take it hard when she didn't show up yesterday. I'm hoping to be more productive today than I was yesterday. I'm going to try to finish reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets first.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
My TMJ is really acting up badly and I don't know why. My jaw is always getting stuck. Maybe I will try wearing the mouthpiece I have for it that I've never really used. I probably should stop eating in the middle of the night, though (caused by Zyprexa). Last night I got up and kept a box of Cheerios by my bed... I guess those are healthier than what I normally eat during the night, at least. I originally got a cream and mouthpiece for TMJ when my TMJ got really bad and I couldn't open my mouth at all. That was several years ago due to extreme interpersonal stress. The past few years (with a few exceptions -- like the recent fight with my mother) I never cry when I get really upset or have interpersonal problems; I just get extremely tense and feel sick and feel trapped.

I had an intense, disturbing dream last night. It was some apocalyptic scenario and I was with my mother and brother. We had left to relative "safety" where a lot of uprooted people were. There was one grocery store left open and we had to stock up and we were buying all kinds of random things, like big chunks of bread and Tootsie Roll Fruit Roll-Ups and so on. We met an elderly couple there and the wife wanted to watch her husband draw Impressionistic pastel drawings on the wall. He was exasperated, but started doing it anyway. We talked to the couple and the wife wanted to go in the same direction we were, to safety, but her husband didn't want to go. Then there was this complex chart and I had been persuading the couple to come to safety with my family so they weren't just rotting and waiting for doom. I ignored the chart at first, but then I figured out the keys and each element of the chart formed a straight line that spelled "CAT" along each line. Somehow this meant the couple were doomed and couldn't come to safety. This was really upsetting, but I left them behind and my family and I went to stay in a special parking garage to sleep, with other people. We slept on top of cars. I don't know why we were "saved" and others were doomed to die. I also slept a really long time.
unico_love: (Cat mask)
I woke up remembering a dream about April. We were living in an apartment building/hotel building that was really nice and with lots of pastels and wood. My dead, female, elderly relatives were there too. April was unmarried, but might have been dating Phil. Her father paid her cable bill and there was a new romance cable option where you could have 6 additional cable channels -- the two options were "now" (modern romance) and "then" (historical romance). April chose "then" (historical romance) to add to her television channels. Some weddings were going on in the building and some girls were making cookies and being wedding planners, essentially. The dream was basically of only women.
unico_love: (childlike empress)
I slept in really late today, even though I didn't go to bed late. I had some intense dreams again, which tends to be associate with me sleeping a long time. The only dream I remember, though, is debating with some people who was better, Britney Spears when she was first becoming popular, or Christina Aguilera. I defended Britney and said she seemed a lot nicer than Christina Aguilera and it didn't matter to me if she was not that intelligent. I liked that Britney Spears had bipolar, like me.

When I did get up I ate oatmeal and talked to my mother. We went into Wheaton to see the fair, but there weren't many crafts there:-( She bought me and my brother some food afterward, which was nice of her. It rained here all last night and morning, I guess, but I didn't hear any of it. I'd like it to rain again because I love the rain.

For now I will probably try to finish reading The Silver Chair.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I'm still sleeping a ton. It's ridiculous. I took an extra Klonopin last night and it helped me to feel at peace again. Though I had a weird, intense dream.

Brief Mention of R*pe )

I think my eyesight is getting worse. That's terrible:-( Glasses are so expensive for me... My eyes stopped worsening with contacts, but I've been using glasses lately and I think my sight is worsening again (I was recommended to wear contacts to stop my eye changes, which they did, but I also needed eye surgery due to scarring from (soft) contacts. I also sometimes have sensitive teeth, so I really hope I don't have cavities. Maybe I will eventually switch to a dental school due to the expensive. I just worry about them messing up the numbing of my mouth.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I'm still so tired... I was dreaming about being in school, but it wasn't a real school. There was some kind of weird stuff going on, but I don't remember what, though I was running around a lot. I want to go back to bed. I have a hospital bill I don't want to look at, though it probably hasn't been submitted to Medicare yet so I probably don't have to pay yet. I've also been thinking about Disney World and how I desperately want to go but we probably can't afford the hotel and room we usually stay in (Concierge lagoon view in the second most expensive Disney World hotel -- but we didn't have to pay for concierge; we'd just get to stay there because there were extra rooms in that building). I don't like change.
unico_love: (Unico)
I had a dream about someone last night whom I'd rather forget. I wish I could just have pleasant dreams instead of weird and disconcerting dreams, especially that remind me of things I shouldn't be thinking of. I'm glad that several good things have been happening for Michael lately. I'm glad that Amber seems more open to me now and we seem to be growing closer. And though I hate living alone, it shouldn't be that long before Michael moves in. I'm generally feeling pretty hopeful about my future.

I'm lucky to have all the friends I have. Some people have no friends. And I'm able to relate to my friends in at least one major way (usually a variety of ways) even though I'm a pretty unusual person. My major goals are learning how to be more independent (in terms of cleaning, cooking, taking care of my SSDI/Medicare stuff, making appointments, etc.) and to continue doing my creative work (though I'd like to pick up the speed on that a bit -- I've been a bit slower ever since I was depressed last autumn). I'm too attached to Michael for some reason, though. I used to do better on my own than I do now. It's probably just a lasting symptom from my anxiety and depression in the fall. I have some moments better than others. Despite our rough past, I'm usually getting along with my mother now. And she admits she has communication problems, too. I wish I could make up with everyone I've had bad situations with, but it's unfortunately not realistic now. I can only really think of two people (who are connected to each other) that I would like to make up with. A couple of boys I knew I didn't end up with on good circumstances, but I'm sure they're just fine without me and I wasn't mean to them (certainly I was nicer to them than they were to me).
unico_love: (Cat mask)
Last night I dreamed about a stranger's (real) amazon.com wishlist. Is my mind so bored? I'm really on-edge and just took my medication. I don't like dealing with the ebay bootlegger! I just want my money back! But I have to return the dvd to them first and they refuse to pay for that. After I get my money back I'm leaving them a bad review and stating that they are a bootlegger of Disney movies. Apparently the copy of Peter Pan that was sold got good feedback but I bet it was an old woman who bought it for their grandchildren or something and has no clue about bootlegging. The coloring is way off of all the pictures.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I had another weird dream last night. There was a god-like being slowly destroying the world and I had to band together with people I do know in real life and people that were just created in my dream. Our world kept getting smaller and smaller (though I think we went to Disney World at one point). I had some special tie to this god and the fight against them largely involved me doing things to try and placate it. I knew the wrong method would be to be angry with it and fight it and that I had to sympathize. There was a boy in the dream, not especially attractive or special in any way, that I fell in love with and we became involved during our time fighting this seemingly-evil god.

I started out by talking to the god and telling it all the destructive things it was doing was a bad idea. I referred to the god as "Six" for awhile, sarcastically named after Blossom's best friend in the old television series Blossom... That was weird. As things worsened I found a living Pegasus My Little Pony and it seemed like a ray of hope and I took it back to the house we were all holing up into. When I realized how calling the god "Six" might make the god feel bad (even though it was doing very bad things), I decided it needed a new name. I named it Blue and started yelling out things that were blue, good and bad, that reminded me of the god creature (the ocean, the sky, and sorrow). I was very convinced this being wasn't inherently evil, but was just incredibly sad.

I was given a number sequence on my cellphone, broadcast as some kind of defense against the god. I struggled to write the numbers on paper, it was like a spell, but my hand was weak. I did get all the numbers down. I then continued pleading with the god and standing up to the god and trying to get it to stop the destruction. That's where it ended. But I felt surrounded by love, despite the world-ending scenario.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I dreamed about the television series Lost last night. A lot of the characters were different, but Jack was the same. Jack was growing more and more catatonic and unstable as more characters died off. There were a lot of supernatural and ghostly things happening and we were in what looked like a school. We would all hold hands in a circle and descend/ascend through water and there would be earthquakes. I kept trying to reassure Jack to get him to help us in our plans to try and escape or conquer the dark forces or whatever it was. When we were all holding hands this teenage girl got a metal fist shoved up her, coming out through her mouth and neck with blood and guts flying everywhere. It was an intense and scary dream.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
I dreamed I was with my "family" in France in a car going downhill very fast. I was captured along with my ex-boyfriend and we were brought to an underwater facility and chained up to electrodes. I morphed and began looking like a female version of my boyfriend. His mother was our prison guard, essentially. The person after us who needed us for experimentation was Kim Jong-il.
unico_love: (crystal ball)
Apparently last night I was talking in my sleep about losing my contacts at the Smithsonian. I don't remember this at all. Michael tried to get me to make sense for awhile, but then gave up.
unico_love: (Cat mask)
Last night I dreamed about being in a Japanese convenience store with dead, elderly female relatives and various friends, with all the on-goings described in song by Jethro Tull. I don't get it...
unico_love: (crystal ball)
Last night I dreamed about Michael Jackson. I think this is because last night I read something on FaceBook about a newly adopted dog called Joe Jackson (presumably named after Michael Jackson's father, Joe Jackson). In my dream I was either in high school or college and someone was "after me" because I was very close friends with (Thriller era) Michael Jackson. I was kind of in love with him, which is rather embarrassing. But Michael Jackson and a friend of his kept helping me hide and were trying to help me create a new identity with new identity forms, etc. so I could go into hiding.
unico_love: (Asuka time)
I had nightmares last night. Bleh. People I don't want in my dreams. Though I did have a humorous dream the other night where I went someplace with Amber's mother and she had a new, very short, haircut and I said it was "edgy" and she really liked that compliment. I might just go back to bed and read. I didn't feel sick this morning because I took my pills with food (in two groups of 3 pills instead of 3 groups of 2 pills). That was good. And I should take a shower soon and try and put in contacts. I hate contacts, but I also hate glasses:-/

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August 2013

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